tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39595941618847468162024-03-23T06:17:33.633-04:00Losing my religionWhen you lose your religion, you gain so much moreUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-46912297484649557652024-03-01T15:52:00.001-05:002024-03-01T16:05:59.982-05:00When Your Son or Daughter is Trapped in the ICOC or ICC <p> The ICOC and ICC psychologically KIPDNAP young people.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTHTavPQqk-k_TcjQyv0hinLiQLrKeTBrZrhlS_J7BmlGMJ2oX6XrZLQpu6faXUheGULAOPzkqEKeJ8IeSdt_BRxPYNDc0tEqQB0BkLG2TuOlWPwfJd2GTosgwnjGzI8n5B5qoMWjPWVgqPPcm_YgTFfUmSzFotSnwpPAd7CHGML1ttpOE7zKaPsfFkxQ/s225/trapped%20young%20person.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTHTavPQqk-k_TcjQyv0hinLiQLrKeTBrZrhlS_J7BmlGMJ2oX6XrZLQpu6faXUheGULAOPzkqEKeJ8IeSdt_BRxPYNDc0tEqQB0BkLG2TuOlWPwfJd2GTosgwnjGzI8n5B5qoMWjPWVgqPPcm_YgTFfUmSzFotSnwpPAd7CHGML1ttpOE7zKaPsfFkxQ/w640-h640/trapped%20young%20person.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>The International Churches of Christ [ICOC] and the International Christian Church [ICC] psychologically kidnap college students. On college and university campuses across the United States, Australia, Europe, Canada, South America and other countries around the globe, the ICOC and ICC target college students. The goal is to "share their faith" with them. This is supposed to be, on the surface, a "normal" Christian form of faith-based outreach. </p><p>But it is not. The ICOC and ICC are bible-based Christian CULTS. These groups are "movements" originally launched by Chuck Lucas back in the 1970's out of Florida, what was known as the "Crossroads Church of Christ" movement. </p><p>What became the Boston movement in the late 1970s was started by Lucas' protege' Thomas "Kip" Mckean II. Kip had taken over Chuck's position as cult leader and had accelerated the young charismatic group of zealous Floridian college students to new heights. He launched what became known as the Boston Movement out of Lexington, Massachusetts [and subsequently, Boston] during that time period of late '70s, early 1980s. The Boston Movement "took over" existing Crossroads churches [Mainline Churches of Christ/COC] congregations in various cities and states throughout the country and Kip sent mission teams to plant churches in other countries, which ultimately became known as the International Churches of Christ, or ICOC. </p><p>In 2006, after decades of corruption and harm done across the world in Jesus' name, Kip had officially been ousted from his own ICOC "discipling" movement. He then hit the reset button, starting his current cult, the International Christian Church [ICC] based out of Portland, Oregon - the exact same origin story as the ICOC's headquarters out of Boston, Massachusetts decades earlier. </p><p>There is much detail that is left out, but this is not about the history of the ICOC and ICC. I just wanted to give you the abridged version "cliff notes" of how these predatory cults came to be. </p><p>When you send your son or daughter away to college, or they still live at home and are starting college for the very first time, there are so many ways you prepare. I'll never forget my mom taking me shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond for college dorm room supplies. [I was going away to school]. There is alot to think about and a long to-do list when a child is going to college. There's also the emotional aspect of being an empty nester if the children are moving away to school and you're now living alone. Not to mention the transition of children growing up and becoming young adults. This all varies across the spectrum with different people. But generally, it can be a bundle of mixed emotions.</p><p>One thing parents and teenage children alike do not think of is the danger of cults on campus. No one is prepared for predatory groups targeting college students in this most vulnerable time of their lives. When you're away from home and from family, a student is easy prey for groups like the ICOC and ICC. </p><p>How would I know? Because I was, many years ago, one of those students. </p><p>The ICOC got me as a college freshman at age 18. I had no idea that Christian cults were a thing and a simple invitation to a Sunday service would be the start of what would become over a decade-long cult entanglement. </p><p>Your son or daughter is on campus, trying to figure out what major they want, what social circles they fit in with, and who they are - who they want to become. No one talks about the mental health challenges that comes with being a college student. Even under the best of circumstances, the transition from high school to college isn't easy. It is a big deal. And it can be hard, confusing, lonely, and stressful. </p><p>My first semester at college was somewhat traumatic for various reasons. One reason was a toxic roommate. Colleges do a random lottery where they pair you with a perfect stranger to share a small space with. You literally go from living with your parents [and in better circumstances, you have your own room]. You go from that to literally sharing a room with a stranger. It's a crap shoot regarding who you get for a roommate. </p><p>There's peer pressure to do everything from drugs to sex to committing felonies. Then there's the stress of a packed schedule of full time courses. So many adjustments and, depending on what other challenges the young person has coming in, it can feel overwhelming, </p><p>I'm saying this to say that the ICOC and ICC target your son or daughter while going through this major life phase transition. It doesn't matter if your home was a good, supportive one or you were a horrible parent. Transition makes a person vulnerable in a way nothing else does. Even the perfect upbringing doesn't matter because now the young person is in a new environment in a new phase of life. The challenges are the same regardless of how you grew up. Regardless if the young person is a student commuting locally to a community college, a private school, or are away from home at a school in a different city, state, or even country, the ICOC and ICC are present and looking for new recruits.</p><p>The ICOC and ICC "psychologically kidnap" college students [what they call, "sharing their faith" ] in the following ways:</p><p>1. <b>Cold contact proselytizing. </b>ICOC or ICC members recruit by walking up to random students on campus and inviting them to church or to a campus bible group study [i.e. bible talk]. They will hand out printed flyers or offer verbal invitations. It isn't unusual for ICOC or ICC members to invite strangers right before bible talk to hopefully get them to join spontaneously - so the student doesn't have time to change their mind. In this phase of development, young people are often spontaneous in this way. Joining in on something is a common "hey, sure, why not?" kind of thing when you're young and in college.</p><p>2. <b>Relationship building</b>. The ICOC or ICC member slowly develops a relationship with the young person and at some point, when the moment is right, they "share their faith". This relationship dynamic can be a college roommate, a fellow student, an authority figure, or close friend. I was recruited by my college math tutor. She was a graduate student who tutored math in the program I was part of. </p><p>3. <b>Fliers</b> may be posted up around campus for ICOC or ICC Christian events. Keep in mind, there are many Christian groups on campus. So a flyer for a bible discussion group every Friday at noon, for example, is not unusual. </p><p>4. <b>"Fun" events.</b> The ICOC and ICC disguise recruitment behind extra-curricular events that are non-religious sounding. Typical examples are pizza and a movie nights, video games, or bowling. Young people desire friends, and this tactic is a trap to get those students seeking relationships and social interaction - and students just looking for a break from the stress of studying, exams, and papers. </p><p>These kinds of tactics can innocuously trap young people. It's a slow burn. The person you love doesn't realize that this is a cult and they need to get away. They probably feel something is "off" but they don't know what it is. Since there's no information on cults to support what they are intuitively sensing, they often gaslight themselves into ignoring the red flags.</p><p>And before you know it, they're psychologically kidnapped. </p><p>Like all cults, the ICOC and ICC move fast when it comes to the indoctrination process. They both have a series of bible studies called "First Principles" written by Kip Mckean to indoctrinate, brainwash, and trap young peoples' minds using the bible and basic Christian principles. </p><p>I did another post on how these bible studies work <b><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-lies-of-icoc-and-icc.html#more" target="_blank">here</a></b>, so to get a full understanding, check it out.</p><p>Ideally, if you can intervene before your loved one gets too far along in the first principles studies, that is the only chance you can save them. Once they're too far in, I'm sorry to tell you, but it's too late. </p><p>Once cult indoctrination is anchored in the brain, you cannot just talk them out of it. Telling them, "It's a cult!" or "I'm worried about you" is the worst thing you can do. The ICOC and ICC instill in the young person's mind what to expect when it comes to outside criticism. They are mentally inoculated from logical reasoning. There is an entire First Principles study on Persecution alone. Your son or daughter [niece, nephew, etc] now sees any outside information as an attack from Satan to prevent them from getting "in the light" with God. The ICOC and ICC uses intense fear mongering to implant the trauma-based programming to make the young person doubtful of their own spirituality apart from the guidance of the ICOC and ICC. If your son or daughter was raised in church and/or was baptized as a Christian, the ICOC/ICC will convince them that this doesn't count. ONLY THEY have the answer and the key to truly following God and being saved. In fact, they indoctrinate people that ONLY THE ICOC or ICC is "right with God" and that no one outside of the group is saved and going to heaven. </p><p>Once the student has crossed that threshold [which differs for everyone], you cannot talk them out of it. At that age, most young people are not spending most of their time with their parent and family members. Those who do typically don't get kidnapped. But the ICOC/ICC love bombs your loved one using gifts, quality time hanging out, and friendship to open them up to doing more bible studies and getting baptized into the church. As per my own first hand experience, you spend more and more time with the ICOC/ICC and less and less time with outsiders. And this quickly becomes a trap. One day you look up and all your relationships are primarily ICOC or ICC members. This further isolates the person from outside influence. </p><p>The next thing you know, even if your son or daughter lives at home as they commute to college, he or she will be pressured to move out into what they call a "kingdom household", which is a living arrangement with other same gender single ICOC members. Or a female member/recruit will be asked to move in with a married couple - usually to be a de-facto unpaid nanny for their children. She will probably be sleeping on their couch and struggling to support herself while paying them rent. These kinds of "household" scenarios occur after they get baptized but can occur right before baptism. The church has convinced your loved one that you and the other family members are the enemy who threaten their relationship with God and their salvation. In their distorted minds, you are a danger in this way and they will distance themselves from you to protect themselves. To make matters worse, the church assigns them a "discipler" which is supposed to be a spiritual mentor, but really acts as a handler to keep them in line and as a probation officer who they have to meet with once a week to "get advice" and help them "grow spiritually". </p><p>All of these factors working together add up to being kidnapped psychologically. Once this happens, what do you do? </p><p>As a parent, the pain of losing your child must be excruciating. The sense of powerlessness is intense. How do these strangers come into my loved one's life and turn them against us? </p><p>That is what cults are and this is what they do. They target and recruit vulnerable people. Brainwashing is very real. And remember, no one warned us about cults on campus. So they were sitting ducks. </p><p><i><b>What do you DO to save your child?</b></i></p><p>Once mind control has been established [also called thought reform], all you can do is your best to stay sane and supportive. Some families with the financial means pay for a high end intervention by an exit counselor [i.e. Steve Hassan] to deprogram the person. For the rest of us, all I can offer are the following suggestions:</p><p>1. <b>Don't say anything negative to them about the ICOC or ICC</b>. This is painful, but it will only drive the person further into the thorny arms of the church. </p><p>2. <b>Remain supportive.</b> Maintain a connection with him/her - even though they're spending most of their time with the church. They will change for the worse, becoming distant because you're an outsider who isn't a "disciple" [church member]. You won't understand the insider lingo they use only with other group members and you won't "get" why they have to always be together, live together, and recruit the whole world. Don't express anything that would be perceived as judgmental, as it will make them even more distant. The objective is to keep yourself in their lives as much as possible, for 2 reasons:</p><p><b>Reason #1:</b> When/if they finally get out of the ICOC or ICC, they will be able to transition easier. Leaving a cult is traumatic. Suicide is a risk, and deep depression, shame and hopelessness [among other PTSD -Post Trauma- symptoms]. They'll need all the support they can get.</p><p><b>Reason #2</b>: Your true love for them will be there to contrast with the conditional love of the ICOC or ICC. </p><p><b>Additional reason: </b>If you lose connection, they'll fall deeper and deeper into the ICOC or ICC. The relationships in the church are all-consuming. This makes it hard, but do your best to stay in touch. Try to talk to your son or daughter as much as possible. This will help plant seeds of thought in their minds when communicated in a curious, non "threatening" way.</p><p>3. As just mentioned, be curious. Ask them "innocent" questions about the church, the process of how they got involved, what they believe. Ask about the church in a casual way. Get to know their new church roommates, friends, and church leaders. This won't get them out, but it will ease the tension and soften their guard. </p><p>Examples:</p><p>"How was church today? What did the pastor preach about?"</p><p>"How is your roommate [name] doing?"</p><p>"How are your classes going? What have you been learning?" [This is important - have regular meaningful conversations about their life outside of the church - school, non-church friends, hobbies, family stuff, whatever. This won't get them out, but it will help ground them and decenter the ICOC or ICC in their lives and consciousness]. </p><p>Another approach I don't recommend because it is very controversial. You can pretend to be interested in coming to church and studying the bible. The problem is that you know going in that you will never get baptized and become a member, so you would have to eventually bail out. This will cause a rift between you and your son or daughter, as they will feel grieved and disappointed that you rejected God [as they see it]. You can hopefully become "so and so's" mom or dad who hangs around the church regularly [if your son or daughter lives locally, that is]. I and my ICOC peers were close to certain moms of beloved members who were not "saved" or baptized with the ICOC but were part of the family due to their close relationship with their child. If you come to bible talks, church services, and don't study the bible, you might be fine. If there are no church members your age, no one will likely try and convert you. Just use this comfortable role to plant seeds of thought in your son or daughter and to retain close relational ties to at least allow for one foot to be in reality while the other foot is deep in the cult.</p><p>It's hard seeing this happen, especially when the church is negatively influencing their life decisions. The impact of this is devastating in some cases: they may fail out of school, end up being matched with another cult member and marrying them. They may drop out of school and go into the "ministry" part or full time. They might go on a mission planting in another part of the world. So many scenarios you don't want and can't stop. If you try, they'll separate from you and cling even stronger to the church, who doesn't have their best interests at heart. It's like watching someone sitting on train tracks with a train coming but you can't get them to move. </p><p>It breaks my heart to tell you this, but your son or daughter is a legal adult and, just like any other decision they make, you have to let them learn and live with the consequences. The best you can do is support them in whatever way you can. </p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b></p><p>Colleges and universities must be diligent in warning students about groups like the ICOC and ICC. Many colleges across the United States have banned the ICOC [not sure about the ICC] student groups from recruiting on campus. Educate yourself as much as you can about the ICOC, ICC and what cults are and how they operate. Also, try and find emotional support. You are going through this along with your child. It's traumatic. If you can find a support group for parents of cult victims or fundamental religion [more likely] that may be helpful. </p><p>To further understand how the ICOC and ICC brainwash young people, read <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-lies-of-icoc-and-icc.html#more" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>.</p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-43316045955619014672023-03-01T13:08:00.001-05:002023-03-01T13:08:48.557-05:00Dear cult survivor: its okay to REST<iframe style="background-image:url(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VqVTXFwCrBI/hqdefault.jpg)" width="480" height="360" src="https://youtube.com/embed/VqVTXFwCrBI" frameborder="0"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-81336621983433409792022-01-23T18:58:00.002-05:002022-01-23T18:58:42.497-05:00ICOC Shenanigans: Sunday Worship Services [video]<iframe style="background-image:url(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/mRxI0yReAWg/hqdefault.jpg)" width="480" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/mRxI0yReAWg" frameborder="0"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-29426580614015920362021-12-19T03:40:00.265-05:002021-12-19T07:59:17.064-05:00The "Church Home" Fantasy: the TRUTH about church that's hard to Accept<h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoNB_xU5GYCVzCEwdAjjqNB5_u1Zn9KnFD-bA_O7UuW6C1aWan93zNPK9IReO_Sjfi3erUjvAjUIFD_6NER5ixwPr0896Z0cg2ajAM7XU8TxkiTZmlSKYOV1cBFy8IVrWHW_dQdIWn9SIB/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="234" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoNB_xU5GYCVzCEwdAjjqNB5_u1Zn9KnFD-bA_O7UuW6C1aWan93zNPK9IReO_Sjfi3erUjvAjUIFD_6NER5ixwPr0896Z0cg2ajAM7XU8TxkiTZmlSKYOV1cBFy8IVrWHW_dQdIWn9SIB/" width="261" /></a></div><br /><br /></i></b></h3><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b><i>Below is a real comment on a blog post titled, "<a href="https://careynieuwhof.com/7-tell-tale-signs-your-church-is-geared-to-insiders-not-outsiders/" target="_blank">5 Tell Tale Signs Your Church is geared to insiders not outsiders</a>". I'm going to answer the question at the end, since this person's observations illustrates what church is like for most: </i></b></h3><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>I attend a fairly large church that had some troubles in the past with the Pastor (among many other things) advancing his own agenda and his own family as staff. Again, there were other things. My problem is that, with that Pastor gone, it appears to be happening again. While in both cases, I would say, the Pastors children seemed to be godly Christians, but there is this underlying sense that they are using the Church to advance their own families. And then it creates this tight circle.<br /></b><b>It’s absolutely wonderful that a pastor can manage to care for a church and then have his children desiring to walk and work in the Church.<br /></b><b>So why does it feel so very wrong?</b></h2><div><span face="brandon-grotesque, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #1c2237; font-size: 21px;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />My answer:<br />Why it feels wrong is simple, but hard to accept. <br /><br /><br />Look, we need to understand something about church: <i><b>it's a business</b></i>. Organized religion is a business, an organization, a 501c3, a nonprofit. For many large churches, it's an empire, a legacy. This is what this particular church sounds like. This church is that family's BUSINESS. The pastor is the CEO. In some churches the lead pastor is the founder AND CEO. The wife is the "first lady". The kids are the HEIRS to the business, set to take over when their father retires.</span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Their agenda is first priority. On the agenda is their own self-preservation: of their money, their ministry [business] and their family and inner circle. </b></i></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Church is a cold, cold, game.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Even though the pastor left and a new pastor came in, the same dynamic plays out again, as this person is seeing. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Why?</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Because the pastor isn't the issue. It's the institution of church. It's organized religion. It's a business. Being a pastor is the equivalent of being hired as CEO of a company. This is about POWER. Power, as the saying goes, corrupts. Most of us can't handle power and influence. And few positions in society hold power like a religious or spiritual leader. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">This isn't about the pastor being a good person or meaning well. We're talking about what actually goes on. As the "CEO", the new pastor is brought in for a reason, to fix what the last pastor did, and meet certain metrics for the church, i.e. increase membership. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">When the new pastor comes in, he's going to put his family and friends on - and whoever else he feels will advance his power and influence. That's what people do. You surround yourself with people who are going to protect your interests. Just like at your job, the same dynamics are there at the church. Remember, this is their career. For you it's about community and faith and all that, but for them, <b><i>this is work</i></b>. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">The paid church staff relies on the church the way you and I rely on our jobs to survive. They have salaries and 401Ks and health insurance packages with dental. Their kids may be in private school. So, you're going to have the back biting, gossip, sucking up to get ahead, stealing money, cooking the books, and dirty secrets at church, just like any corporate workplace. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">This is why pedophiles or sexual assaults by leaders are swept under the rug. The church brings in its PR team to clean things up. Because...it's a business.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4YUozC4yGL4yL90WIetqEzMDNog6pi-9y8Ik6hm9Ro9o835ES0pcGa-k-D3JGD1_B0WJdDhd2FghfhhQ0LHUO6rKoidbw29UVnb4bHUJkaH4A7qgHrM9S1RFt7T5EBG8IY4z9EJILK35C/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="190" data-original-width="265" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4YUozC4yGL4yL90WIetqEzMDNog6pi-9y8Ik6hm9Ro9o835ES0pcGa-k-D3JGD1_B0WJdDhd2FghfhhQ0LHUO6rKoidbw29UVnb4bHUJkaH4A7qgHrM9S1RFt7T5EBG8IY4z9EJILK35C/" width="320" /></a></div><br />We have this highly romanticized, fairy-tale idea about church. Church is this magical, safe place. It's where everybody knows your name. It's where righteousness and morality rule. Church is where you find community, unconditional love, care, trust, safety. It's this utopia where we can find God and godly people with godly values living godly lives. Church is fantasized about as a refuge from the cold, harsh, cruel world.<br /><br /><br />We see church as a place where there are no pedophiles, no alcoholics, no abusers, no rapists, narcissists, or people with anger issues. Everyone smiles and welcomes you with open arms. No one is racist, sexist, ableist, elitist. Everyone feels welcome and accepted....<br /><br /><br />Right?<br /><br /><br />WRONG.<br /><br /><br />This is a hard pill to swallow, but it's the answer to this person's question: Church is NOT inherently any of these things I just mentioned. The people in the church are just like the people outside the church. Whether it's a small town church, a medium sized church, or a huge megachurch, the same truth applies. </span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><b><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">People are people</span></i></b><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPKs0kvCgOAxPuBjZkeS0FHmxSm38_4IjET__Up5CCk7XNkBTewHnFem7Ww9ysY5zBzR2hBHemcHcVRGQnjqQC-2U7Hvyq1pOao9C-m19DKQ63LUGYr4qk73h0p1goQ6_C6F3ZIjzbvVh/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwPKs0kvCgOAxPuBjZkeS0FHmxSm38_4IjET__Up5CCk7XNkBTewHnFem7Ww9ysY5zBzR2hBHemcHcVRGQnjqQC-2U7Hvyq1pOao9C-m19DKQ63LUGYr4qk73h0p1goQ6_C6F3ZIjzbvVh/" width="320" /></a></div><br />In the church, you got all types. You got assholes. You got ego-driven, self-serving types. You got narcissists. You got perfectionists, laid back types, outgoing personalities, introverted people, insecure people, confident ones, jerks, empathic people, highly sensitive people (HSP). You got racist people, sexist men, drug addicts, wife beaters, nymphomaniacs, conservatives, liberals.....</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">...you got people.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Sorry, but being a "saved" christian does not change the types of people. It doesn't. And the religion is structured that way by the theology. Think about it: It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, Jesus died for your sins. It is a theology based on GRACE. So that pedophile sitting in church next to you is going to heaven along with you because he said the "sinner's prayer" or got baptized, or prayed Jesus into his heart, or answered the alter call, or whatever that particular church requires him to do to be "saved".</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">In other words, being a christian is not based on ones' behavior. It's based on faith in Jesus being the son of God (John 3:16).</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">So....church is a petri dish for assholes, narcissists, jerks, sex offenders, emotionally unavailable people, etc. etc.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">You don't have to change [or repent], you can ride from here on out under the banner of being "not perfect" or a "saved sinner" or a "work in progress". </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Christian church environments are entirely performative, which makes it a safe space for superficial and emotionally unavailable people. Put your best clothes on, look your best, smile and perform [be it on stage or in the audience] and you're a 'good' christian. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Church is not where you're allowed to "be real" with how you're really doing. Most times church resembles a country club more than a humble community of support. When you do open up, odds are you will be met with coldness, indifference, or judgment. Or the cliche' christian platitudes: "Pray about it" "Trust God" "God has a plan" "God won't give you more than you can bear" or "Surrender to God".<br /></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">When I say these things, I'm not coming from the same place the church comes from when they are challenged on their hypocrisy. They say "no one is perfect but Jesus" and "saved sinners" to justify their behaviors. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">I'm saying "people are people" to dispel the "church home" fantasy. People are not moral and caring because of their religion. If you need religion to make you moral and caring, then you AREN'T moral or caring. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">The harsh truth: people who need religion are devoid of what we call God being in their hearts. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">We love the scripture, "God is love". Yet we wonder why at church there is no love. Why don't we feel welcomed or connected? Why is the pastor or evangelist so cold to me? Why won't the pastor's wife return my emails or phone messages?</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Again, the excuse is that they're people and they have bad days, too. YOU don't get that pass, but they do.<br /></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">To be fair, it isn't our fault. The religion of Christianity sells us love in its purest, unconditional form. It's the church's product. Grocery stores sell food. The church sells <i><b>hope, comfort, and redemption</b></i>. The doctrine speaks of "fruits of the spirit": peace, love, joy, etc. If we grew up in church, if we came from a religious family, christianity is part of our culture. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">So it makes sense that we seek out a "church home" we can call our own when we become adults. Maybe it's when we go away to college or when we move to a new city, state or country. I think church is the go-to community because of its open door policy. Even the clique-iest churches allow anyone to visit and join (unless it's a cult like the one I got entangled with freshman year in college). The easy-to-join policy of church is more accessible than say, joining a fraternity or sorority or some other kind of group. Other social groups require money or status or application process that vets you harshly. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Which is why I think church is the place we seek out to find community. After all, church promises this. It calls itself, the 'kingdom of God' or 'God's church' of "God's people' or 'saved' people or 'God's flock'. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">What else would we think to expect from 'God's people'? Wouldn't it make sense to expect that when we walk in to church for the first time, that people would be friendly, at least? If we serve in the children's ministry or other church activity, wouldn't we be welcomed and seen by our fellow christians? If we go week after week, is it too much to ask to feel welcomed? </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">No, it isn't too much to ask...IF church was not a business. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">In the above comment, there is going to be "favoritism" in church. The pastor is going to favor his children (again, the heir to his throne) over random church members. That's how it goes in organized religion. The church is an entity that needs certain things to survive. One, it requires human resources, just like any business - primarily money/funding and labor (i.e. serving for free in children's sunday school teaching kids). Ultimately, the objective is that the organization is more important than the individual.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">I know, this is hard to hear. But it's why the person in the comment is wrestling internally. They haven't come to terms with church being a business. The church is the empire that the pastor has built and it's all about the survival of that empire. As long as people are sold on church being "in the bible" and insist on the scripture about "not forsaking the assembly", church will always be in business. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Actually, what drives the customer base for church is the world itself. Life is so scary and uncertain and brings with it so many pains that hope is in high demand. People need hope and a sense of security to get through life. Church offers this. Regardless of how toxic the church culture is, or how much cognitive dissonance the bible invokes, the pastor and bible group leaders are there to ease the existential angst, and that is, for all intensive purposes, priceless. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, the pastor's children seem "godly enough", [whatever that means] presumably they're polite and friendly in public, like a politician. But these kids are to that church what the president of the United States' kids are to the country, in terms of privilege. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1Lg06JxmCd65MkWjxrhE9YjSx-e6Xm2kMjHpPnCslUk167dmveor-R1SU3BEPcIb3_AK4YNQH-2I_IJ0u2wG_Vn8mN2z_x7lCBgXeWlmbnzLaIJPBd5ZT_uXzCnCcEBQ5vjcPZQBpl-g/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="260" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV1Lg06JxmCd65MkWjxrhE9YjSx-e6Xm2kMjHpPnCslUk167dmveor-R1SU3BEPcIb3_AK4YNQH-2I_IJ0u2wG_Vn8mN2z_x7lCBgXeWlmbnzLaIJPBd5ZT_uXzCnCcEBQ5vjcPZQBpl-g/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">It may seem hopeless to accept reality but I am a strong proponent of accepting reality as the key to successful living. Living in fantasy does not work out for most of us. You're not going to find this "church home" you're looking for, just like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ didn't find the grand Wizard, only an old man behind the curtain pulling levers. I still think finding community is possible, but church is often not that built-in community we long for. It's a mirage. It's a fool's errand. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Christianity does not bond people, nor does it make a healthy organic community. If you insist on this, and keep going to churches seeking this safe place, you will continue to be disappointed over and over. </span><span style="font-size: large;">You will be hurt, rejected, and used over and over, too.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">If Christianity/religion doesn't bond people [at least in a healthy way], then what does? </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Being like-minded. Sharing core values. Not agreeing on everything, but on what matters to you. If, for example, you believe in traditional family values, then you may find community among those who hold those same values.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">I know, church is supposed to be a place with like-minded people who share, for example, morally traditional values. But everyone who comes to church is there for different reasons. And honestly, church doesn't foster an environment where people can disagree or be themselves. Some people just are there out of habit or tradition. They leave right after service ends. Others are there with their own agendas. And that may or may not include making new friends or becoming emotionally invested.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7zVsgyzHZb_3o2C108Mqy9X-uhKo_SuyYIrFRZB3q1c3FMevJPM8BWvAC-Hfw8abdZIVxcuLNg1MQREY-J2cRl0-3INDM4Bc7WzfRxb8X69xU6bU9xc-HiwXb9Kl7bNxb2ub9LvsifvSP/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="253" data-original-width="199" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7zVsgyzHZb_3o2C108Mqy9X-uhKo_SuyYIrFRZB3q1c3FMevJPM8BWvAC-Hfw8abdZIVxcuLNg1MQREY-J2cRl0-3INDM4Bc7WzfRxb8X69xU6bU9xc-HiwXb9Kl7bNxb2ub9LvsifvSP/" width="189" /></a></div><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">The lack of community church offers leaves a gap which church cults are there to fill. These cults love bomb new members with the affection that church as a whole won't offer. Cult churches "see" us, we're visible, our presence is acknowledged while most churches ignore new members, rendering them invisible. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">That's why we have to be aware of cults and tactics they use to exploit our need for community. As a former cult member of a church like this, I can tell you that if you are approached by a member of this kind of church, run! </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Finding community takes time. I wish it was easier, but we just don't live in a world like that. In the real world, being a christian doesn't bypass how difficult people can be, and the toxicity people bring to the table. We have to be self aware of our own issues and work through them and develop self esteem and self worth. We also have our own identity where we know our core values so then we can identify who is "like-minded". </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Two people being Christians does not mean in any way that they are like-minded. I knew plenty of Christians who are narcissistic, for example. That is not a match for me.... or for you, either. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">Christianity is a <b><i>belief</i></b>. It's not who the person <b>IS</b>. I knew other Christians I just didn't vibe with. We had nothing in common. The religion or belief in God just isn't enough.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">We have to get realistic about community and what it looks like. We have these ideas that probably aren't our own. Most likely they came from television shows or movies. We're not going to have 10 best friends. If you're lucky, you will have 1 or 2 real friends in your lifetime. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">And that's ok. If we adjust our expectations of community, then we can have a better experience. There are levels of community. Church is the superficial level of community, where everyone is there to have a shared experience, such as a church Sunday morning service or a secular music concert. Everyone isn't there to be besties, they are there to enjoy the musical artist or band or to hear the pastor's sermon. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">When you understand that, you won't feel so disappointed. The next level of community is getting involved. Such as volunteering in the church. It gives you a chance to check out the church more and see what the culture is like. Are people gossiping? Are people caring or sincere? </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">See, we have to approach church like we would someone we're dating. We don't give our hearts out on the first date. We don't expect to fall in love or be proposed to for marriage on the first few dates. We're getting to know the person and looking for red flags. When you date with your expectations too unrealistic, it becomes painful. Church is the same. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">[Me personally, I feel the same about church as I do about dating, but that's for another discussion]. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Still looking for a "church home"? Good luck.</span><br /><br /><br /></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-67720401606227489222021-12-16T20:07:00.001-05:002021-12-16T20:07:24.236-05:00The Toxicity of "Purity Culture"Purity culture is prevalent in many religious and church environments. It is pervasive in cults, especially church cults. <div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB3RIC1CqAgAgrGb-Q-hdU0iN-Igw3xuwHs6yvBOsl2vgn-jquAk3dM7XfUHgWOo4dcRDYgNs_4GD1C6X1C_pOIJjPkmpULyU4-efKul1VP8yMQC1Pa2jckpBpccLEgTPLtCMaWCq7wdvk/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB3RIC1CqAgAgrGb-Q-hdU0iN-Igw3xuwHs6yvBOsl2vgn-jquAk3dM7XfUHgWOo4dcRDYgNs_4GD1C6X1C_pOIJjPkmpULyU4-efKul1VP8yMQC1Pa2jckpBpccLEgTPLtCMaWCq7wdvk/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">What IS "purity culture"?</h3><div>First and foremost, understand that most groups that practice purity culture do not CALL it purity culture. This is a term those of us who are on the outside use to put a name to it. This helps us to identify what it is so we can analyze it and understand it better. The hope is that <i><b>knowledge is power</b></i> and 'diagnosing' these toxic cultural dynamics can help others avoid it altogether or, if they're in it, to know what is happening to them so they can get out and not blame themselves.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Purity culture" is something you feel but can't touch. It's a culture of both spoken and unspoken rules that dictates what behaviors are acceptable [and unacceptable] to be "pure" in the eyes of God. I myself was in a purity culture for almost 12 years as a teenage and young single woman so I know this experience all too well.<div><br /></div><div>This group construct is derived from bible scriptures on purity and holiness that are transposed onto modern day times and everyday situations. Although "Purity" is based on certain scriptures in the bible, it is defined by the church, religious or spiritual leaders who are interpreting the bible. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>Some examples of bible scriptures that purity culture is based on are:</div><div><br /></div><div>Matthew 5:8</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1BKM9SJ7g9ClgNxiyo-xFfXsNfQCWogO6Y8llnPpM1tqgT7TPnmxpqFAnrQTEBrLzusMaY1baZOcH9Q-3xVqG-2OhE0Z9K939uqQSsMyobBzhIYMAwuz0azvafmVYofGmDokl5X72ieKN/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="162" data-original-width="311" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1BKM9SJ7g9ClgNxiyo-xFfXsNfQCWogO6Y8llnPpM1tqgT7TPnmxpqFAnrQTEBrLzusMaY1baZOcH9Q-3xVqG-2OhE0Z9K939uqQSsMyobBzhIYMAwuz0azvafmVYofGmDokl5X72ieKN/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>Phillippians 4:8</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOZOfFYUv1WOiiZi1QarII2vYzGVYALH2WphmC6PSu80QP4VyrtmeCmqp5GvdE9qMByKGUcFgZsjPN2wbdhS_PBIRS2vfUwRE3OULzLq7gGP8Tq7mHLIcJflK-ri1eOBOsdT6mnPr4ZM32/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="197" data-original-width="255" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOZOfFYUv1WOiiZi1QarII2vYzGVYALH2WphmC6PSu80QP4VyrtmeCmqp5GvdE9qMByKGUcFgZsjPN2wbdhS_PBIRS2vfUwRE3OULzLq7gGP8Tq7mHLIcJflK-ri1eOBOsdT6mnPr4ZM32/" width="311" /></a></div><br />James 1:27</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKjB0y2Wa7KtcPDIY4VXqeYZV_uUOxgn6HKlrVcOyFTNXhsLyHMVKi4c77xe9Nskj4JQiNFEYJTm5GEMwapfuDNCDGGayfz8sokIzxAC6DfDTgwhrVUXsvFACwPzNcqrRXSxxsuGe_Z2K/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="162" data-original-width="311" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkKjB0y2Wa7KtcPDIY4VXqeYZV_uUOxgn6HKlrVcOyFTNXhsLyHMVKi4c77xe9Nskj4JQiNFEYJTm5GEMwapfuDNCDGGayfz8sokIzxAC6DfDTgwhrVUXsvFACwPzNcqrRXSxxsuGe_Z2K/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>1 Timothy 5:22:</b></h4><div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZpYk1hKOINoi1D5txMkMgfH04Cj-hs4JVu8K4tIJw0wuLEXG8m_mg9ChPMANRjRuXbBFBgO7fWlJ5tyaQILhSW6XdUdEcEHpMAjVxPBkOaTHx9FrlRf2N65sfGYFmWStfbn8cF-CR05R/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="257" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWZpYk1hKOINoi1D5txMkMgfH04Cj-hs4JVu8K4tIJw0wuLEXG8m_mg9ChPMANRjRuXbBFBgO7fWlJ5tyaQILhSW6XdUdEcEHpMAjVxPBkOaTHx9FrlRf2N65sfGYFmWStfbn8cF-CR05R/" width="315" /></a></div><br /><br /></b></div><div><b>2 Timothy 2:22:</b></div><div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdoKqkR1CIiwb3uadhMvbpIV6Xz4pXEKR9cK-g-q5T1nf2HGSNWqh7Hk4109sbGP6nNPPwKy3z1UVQxkEYPDNNWa7n0L1XoszcNN2iZWCfOtuSNROnVKO9_KbQ05gZeuEj0Dp-3WQUpGZ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1200" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdoKqkR1CIiwb3uadhMvbpIV6Xz4pXEKR9cK-g-q5T1nf2HGSNWqh7Hk4109sbGP6nNPPwKy3z1UVQxkEYPDNNWa7n0L1XoszcNN2iZWCfOtuSNROnVKO9_KbQ05gZeuEj0Dp-3WQUpGZ/" width="240" /></a></div><br />1 Corinthians 6: 12-20:</b></div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZ3XF84N3UqK76KsfjAlZ3CmPlNVn1MjU_wywiREyQnLsos6g03JCMCuRn2xePXNmkHW3qonolXqmVVbJT7VkLrcdQ5Uabcj4tlktfumOQivPrNLOeA6f1oZ2b0GjCWEfX2uRI0W6HsIV/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBZ3XF84N3UqK76KsfjAlZ3CmPlNVn1MjU_wywiREyQnLsos6g03JCMCuRn2xePXNmkHW3qonolXqmVVbJT7VkLrcdQ5Uabcj4tlktfumOQivPrNLOeA6f1oZ2b0GjCWEfX2uRI0W6HsIV/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-weight: normal;">These are just a few of the most used scriptures from the bible employed to enforce this purity culture. But there are more. </span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Where do you find purity culture?</b></h4><div> Purity culture is found in evangelical churches, nondenominational movements (like the ICOC or ICC), and many other churches that operate as cults. It applies to any group that practices christian or religious fundamentalism.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>The ALLURE of purity culture</b></h3><div>The thing about purity culture that attracts people is the illusion that the group is practicing what they preach. The world is overpopulated with religious hypocrites. The church is one of the hot spots for sexual deviancy. Church leaders are consistently in the news or the community grapevine for child molestation or some form of adultery, be it heterosexual or homosexual. The society we live in objectifies women and preys on the innocence of children. When we turn on the tv, even the prime time shows are soft porn. And speaking of pornography, its normalized to the point where it dictates everyday people's sexual behaviors. Men claim porn is a part of manhood and is even healthy. While college campuses are rife with sex orgies and sexual experimentation for women.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then there is the dating culture where sex is often expected in exchange for paying for dinner or after a certain period of time has passed. Our over-sexed culture sees everything as sexual innuendos with adult people snickering over normal words that have hidden sexual meanings or undertones. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then there's abortions, divorce due to infidelity, heart break, betrayal, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, shame, guilt.... and other by-producits of sexual deviancy.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, we long for a safe place where we can not be violated sexually, a community where we don't have to worry about being lusted after and sexualized and objectified (especially for women). Where women don't have to worry about being pressured.into sex.before marriage. Where you're not expected to be a porn star or stripper to be accepted sexually by prospective partners. Where you no longer have to endure dirty jokes that make you uncomfortable.</div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe we were violated sexually as a child, adolescent, or young adult. </div><div><br /></div><div>I could go on and on.</div><div><br /></div><div>For some of us as a result, the world is an unsafe place sexually. Purity culture offers safety in an unsafe world. It offers integrity in a world where anything goes. Purity culture promises a kinder, gentler reality. It gives us a justification to be sexually abstinent, sexually disciplined, and morally conservative.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>The <i>hypocrisy</i> of purity culture</b></h3><div>The thing is, purity is only pushed on unmarried church or group members. Single people are targeted because of the doctrinal standard of sex being "sin" outside of marriage. This creates a divide between married and singles in church ministries with marriage being the goal out of it being the only way one can experience sexual intimacy. </div><div><br /></div><div>But the real hypocrisy, in my opinion, is that "purity" is only applied to sex. If you keep yourself "pure," for most churches and purity cults, that means not having sex. But what about a pure heart? A clean conscience? What about integrity? </div><div><br /></div><div>This is why, in my opinion, there is so much corruption with church leaders, cult leaders, and spiritual leaders. This is why church culture is so toxic. Because it is PERFORMATIVE ONLY. All that matters is an APPEARANCE of purity. </div><div><br /></div><div>Let's talk about that for a minute.</div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">PURITY CULTURE IS <u>NOT</u> ABOUT HOLINESS OR GODLINESS. IT IS ABOUT <u>CONTROL</u>. </h4><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxaqwC3-qUqeKvIU31zmgRlRIAHcXNT9VfC54WiqJ_IlCze_phlbaX371C4wsX3MC9dgB1SkmRGdhuk7psUgQhOTsIaBX2d5oRBm6G4qiLw4HMvp1bRyTcrC-QpeSNAO93G1Iq-HciD4c8/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxaqwC3-qUqeKvIU31zmgRlRIAHcXNT9VfC54WiqJ_IlCze_phlbaX371C4wsX3MC9dgB1SkmRGdhuk7psUgQhOTsIaBX2d5oRBm6G4qiLw4HMvp1bRyTcrC-QpeSNAO93G1Iq-HciD4c8/" width="320" /></a></div><br />So-called purity standards that are imposed on church or religious group members are not for the members. It's to control them using shame and guilt. Purity rules are not directed at sexual deviants like child molesters and sexual predators. These rules are targeted at <i><b>you and me</b></i>. Regular folks who are just human beings with normal sexual desires. We have to be policed, shamed, and demonized non-stop while sexual predators get ignored or protected. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Why? Because human beings can't be controlled as easily when they are in their natural state. </i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>Purity, as a result, goes way beyond sex. It branches into anything that the leaders and group culture sees as "impure". In the ICOC cult, for example, holding hands and kissing was looked down upon. Men and women had to give "side hugs" because face-to-face hugs would cause one to "struggle" with their purity. Men and women who were dating exclusively or married did not display affection in public. I myself was chastised by the church leader for displaying affection with my then-boyfriend during Sunday worship service while the leader was up front preaching the sunday sermon, apparently looking at me disdainfully the whole time. </div><div><br /></div><div>It comes back to how purity culture proponents view human nature. They see everything as a "temptation" to sin. So then, as a result, they invent all these unspoken rules to follow that become ingrained in the group culture. These rules function a rewards and punishments for members. </div><div><br /></div><div>For example, the ICOC cult had an unspoken rule that single men and women should not be alone together for any reason, otherwise it could result in temptation and impurity - or even the LOOK of impurity (don't get me started on that one). So male and female members did not ride in a car together unless there were others present and would not be alone in a room together -if they were the door would have to be kept open. Someone recently commented on one of my videos that an ICOC brother he knew while in the church <i>rode in the trunk of a sister's car </i>as to not be alone with her in the car! </div><div><br /></div><div>Purity culture, as seen by that example, causes psychosis in people. Oh, the crazy things we do in the name of purity culture.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another big issue in purity circles is <i>masturbation,</i> It was forbidden and in the ICOC cult, needed to be confessed and repented of each and every occurrence. Masturbation was seen as the ultimate form of impurity one can commit with oneself. It was seen as dishonoring our bodies, which were seen as "temples of the holy spirit". One time, I was at a midweek service in a breakout meeting with the women's ministry leader and she chastised us single ladies for being impure, especially with masturbation. She said that when "we touch ourselves, we were touching Jesus". </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjZ2aOYCrrurz9905SQ4LEgInZzAl8On7TvX4ElXaQNDh9VAGrD2DN2H0C_V_VdqZNkg5I_L7x1EVPQ2iDyTUp-SWcqpEZRc5zS7Y8FjaE1P3prb2b601K_bFLPQ2NiK27Hh_bSl-T8vG/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjZ2aOYCrrurz9905SQ4LEgInZzAl8On7TvX4ElXaQNDh9VAGrD2DN2H0C_V_VdqZNkg5I_L7x1EVPQ2iDyTUp-SWcqpEZRc5zS7Y8FjaE1P3prb2b601K_bFLPQ2NiK27Hh_bSl-T8vG/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>The level of manipulation! Geesh!</div><div><br /></div><div>So, let's get this straight: we can't have impure thoughts, we can't flirt, we can't dress a certain way, we can't "touch ourselves", we can't give regular hugs, we can't date anyone outside our cult, church, or religion, we can't even THINK about sex or even LOOK at a person in what would be considered "filtrations".........</div><div><br /></div><div>Purity culture was a prison. And we were the inmates.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX0wq6AEw4PwVM1qJ67HfQzCdvcfACY3_0-frt19x2WGHVRVbOZMsK0nOzl12C5_UeOku825fwoqIZyDQgHqSP3ayRKaNoL5px6HImPFUIZM_lX6FQU6ebypckEQJjQlicYDmFvEln3I2C/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX0wq6AEw4PwVM1qJ67HfQzCdvcfACY3_0-frt19x2WGHVRVbOZMsK0nOzl12C5_UeOku825fwoqIZyDQgHqSP3ayRKaNoL5px6HImPFUIZM_lX6FQU6ebypckEQJjQlicYDmFvEln3I2C/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>These rules were used to micro-manage and police church members or religious group members around the clock. You internalized these rules so then you would police yourself - and each other - when the leaders weren't around to do it. </div><div><br /></div><div>This also extended to homosexuality, which demonized it. Many group members who are attracted to same sex people (adults) are living deep in the closet out of shame and fear. Some cults and churches go so far as to harm people who are homosexual or bi-sexual. They are impure by default, according to the doctrine and are going to hell. So people are living double lives and hating themselves for what they feel. Something is wrong with this. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>The 'Side effects' of purity culture</b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhNcazZWFYknOZoEp_49KeM3yQOAuLfq81hiElLyp342vjc5TfEoLzuc5pyjmvT_tmKK8d84G4XDfCTi1Jh7LmB_StCvHLYDrGtaULc4lJy8k1ZaGmYawxph3f4McO-BqEg1XV7vgC3qMC/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="233" data-original-width="216" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhNcazZWFYknOZoEp_49KeM3yQOAuLfq81hiElLyp342vjc5TfEoLzuc5pyjmvT_tmKK8d84G4XDfCTi1Jh7LmB_StCvHLYDrGtaULc4lJy8k1ZaGmYawxph3f4McO-BqEg1XV7vgC3qMC/" width="222" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><br /></div><div>Purity culture makes you stupid. It makes you ashamed of your body and your sexuality. It warps your view of sex, intimacy, dating/courting, marriage and how you show up in the world. The damage is long-term. After leaving the ICOC cult, I re- entered the world trying to date after YEARS of cult purity dating. It was nothing short of traumatic. It was so traumatic that I longed for the purity dating days of my past cult life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had found value in the purity culture dating system. There was safety for women there. In the ICOC cult, the focus of dating was on "" encouraging one another " and "Building a friendship". I was intrigued by this and enjoyed going on dates with all different races, ethnicities, nationalities, personalities, ages, and other traits without the pressure to have sex. With the expectation of romance and sex off the table, we were able to have good, clean fun.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's the other thing that makes purity culture attractive: if you're a " square" person who isn't into partying, casual sex or the typical recreational activities considered to be "fun", purity living is appealing. It's safe. It's clean fun.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's a utopia. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Or is it?</i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>Purity standards are slighted towards the women and girls. Churches and religions that practice purity culture are inherently misogynist and sexist. The bible creation story of Eve offering the fruit to Adam after getting manipulated by the serpent and them getting kicked out of paradise as a result is the origin narrative for men that women are evil and must be kept in submission or else they will destroy you. </div><div><br /></div><div>In purity culture, the women are constantly crucified for " tempting " the men to sin. Purity culture sees women as <i>vixens of Satan</i> that need to be saved from themselves. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLkEDi0Iaw17yfrCPuJnZgfFBMXS0MP-Lb6dtIERmirej1fhkqINcCNfhuBNPs6UFmKSIG62bMkvUgmmg2X-f997idvHDsh3cVx3IT4ZVREhi2cu5uDiq5bMMGOkz8XiSW8u4JbUutusHi/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="308" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLkEDi0Iaw17yfrCPuJnZgfFBMXS0MP-Lb6dtIERmirej1fhkqINcCNfhuBNPs6UFmKSIG62bMkvUgmmg2X-f997idvHDsh3cVx3IT4ZVREhi2cu5uDiq5bMMGOkz8XiSW8u4JbUutusHi/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I remember being corrected on how I dressed. Mind you, I'm not even talking about cleavage busting out of a low cut blouse, miniskirts, or booty cut shorts.... I was being corrected on my shirt riding up my back when sitting down. Just skin showing is a problem in purity culture. </div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><i>Why does purity culture need to police women so heavily?</i></h4><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqHXXGTQ010b3fQ3EwE7x3CeQeVqtorfu7XTvfThw_LG3FsNVqK-d2H-xNP_vkHpTW3MpAT0C7lI-oIDD6Uz8Arb96FqvZOv11r5hPNVGVGBRHtMrMy7H5pzeKU3Ae2Kc5AlULvTdQwp6C/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqHXXGTQ010b3fQ3EwE7x3CeQeVqtorfu7XTvfThw_LG3FsNVqK-d2H-xNP_vkHpTW3MpAT0C7lI-oIDD6Uz8Arb96FqvZOv11r5hPNVGVGBRHtMrMy7H5pzeKU3Ae2Kc5AlULvTdQwp6C/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>Purity culture sees men as weak morally. It thinks men are incapable of resisting temptation sexually. The moral responsibility is almost entirely on the women. Purity culture has no faith in men. At all. Poor male nature (sarcasm), these men walking around susceptible to temptation. Women are supposed to not wear this or that to not cause these poor men to struggle. </div><div><br /></div><div>Purity culture demonized the opposite sex for both parties. For women and girls, men and boys were unsafe and dangerous. To men and boys, women were also unsafe and a temptation. Due to the opposite sex being a possible source of impurity, often in purity culture environments the men and women are segregated. If they interact too much, "sin" can happen. </div><div><br /></div><div>The result: You are so removed from interacting in a free manner that being intimate is an awkward, embarrassing, and unsafe experience. I went for 12 years without sexual interaction, flirting,. being Playful without someone's eyes watching you in judgement.</div><div><br /></div><div>It takes time to reclaim or even find your sexuality. To feel comfortable in your own skin. To communicate with the opposite sex. To deconstruct the church's or religion's purity culture standards that riddle you with guilt and shame.</div><div><br /></div><div>Purity culture makes you paranoid. Someone is always watching... Judging.</div><div><br /></div><div>For some, recovery means coming out of the proverbial closet and be true with themselves about their sexual orientation. This means overriding the religious and cult dogma that non heterosexual people are In "sin" and going to hell and are enemies of God. It means facing rejection from family, etc. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Purity culture is toxic. It is traumatic. It steals sensuality. It is misogynistic and sexist. It is dogmatic. Fundamentalist. Stressful. Absolutist. </i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>You can get out. You can recover. It takes awareness and time and patience with yourself. They were wrong. You are not evil. You are human.❤</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">With all this said...</span></h4><div>This <b><i>doesn't</i></b> mean that hedonism should be the norm, either. It just means that no extreme is good. I am a proponent of healthy boundaries between men and women and people in general. Monogamous married people shouldn't be running around sleeping with other people and adults shouldn't be sexually violating children or teens. There should be some level of standard of morality that punishes impropriety in a healthy society. I am conservative in my moral stances on this subject.</div><div><br /></div><div>But....</div><div><br /></div><div>policing people's sexuality is not the answer. Some things make sense, some things don't. Some things are beneficial. Others are detrimental. As I said, it's about control. Often, the ones doing the policing and judging are the very ones deep in sexual deviancy themselves.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-13870077567131249092021-12-06T15:21:00.000-05:002021-12-06T15:21:05.829-05:00HOW THE ICOC MANIPULATES YOUR EMOTIONS AGAINST YOU<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbcHb9H5DX8BK2CGN4eMMxaNsqs0dzW-_xZzam3oYWM9Ym7h7SwKtJ7miJEqBcPavzrQ81FyBch4gv0aoAJRGy4iXVOspb7_hKCvaFCf9lbjXZ0lfZo9FoDi-gd9zQ0mXwAl8nnMIXRB1X/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbcHb9H5DX8BK2CGN4eMMxaNsqs0dzW-_xZzam3oYWM9Ym7h7SwKtJ7miJEqBcPavzrQ81FyBch4gv0aoAJRGy4iXVOspb7_hKCvaFCf9lbjXZ0lfZo9FoDi-gd9zQ0mXwAl8nnMIXRB1X/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>If you're new to this blog, I am an ex-member and survivor of the <b><u><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCYOv5CQqpw" target="_blank">International Church of Christ [ICOC]</a></u></b> cult. A member for almost 12 years, I experienced many words and phrases used to manipulate people's minds, hearts, and souls. I, myself, was manipulated by these phrases and had participated in manipulating others during my time there.</p><p>The ICOC, like all cults, are master manipulators. What makes it so egregious is that they use the bible, God, and Jesus to seduce people. The initial contact with the ICOC (or ICC) -or any of their affiliate churches- may seem benign. But there is a sinister intent driven by the evangelical, fundamentalist, ego-centric, elitist culture of this church organization. </p><p>The ICOC's mission is very militaristic: "make disciples of all nations". This means a religious version of imperialism, where the ICOC conquers the globe, making converts (or "winning souls") one person at a time. </p><p>Instead of physical force, the ICOC uses psychological force. They use words and phrases to manipulate your emotions to get you to yield to their doctrine. The phrases I am about to share with you below are part of the ICOC's indoctrination process, known as a series of bible studies called "First Principles". </p><p>It all starts with an ICOC member asking you if you want to: a) study the bible b) come to church, bible talk, or other church event or c) go to lunch or some other "bonding" activity.</p><p>Regardless of which option you fall victim to, all roads lead to doing the ICOC's "personal bible studies".</p><p>During these personal bible studies, several phrases are commonly shared with the intent of "breaking" you. Being "broken" means that your defenses are disabled and the ICOC ideology can "storm in" and conquer you - mind, body, and soul. Hopefully knowing what to expect can help you avoid the pitfalls that one can easily fall into when vulnerable. I talk about what makes us susceptible in another blog post <b><u><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/08/how-icoc-uses-bible-to-manipulate-abuse.html" target="_blank">here</a></u></b>. </p><p>Remember, the ICOC is playing <i><b>chess, not checkers</b></i>. Don't be fooled by the member's awkwardness, quirkiness, or their lack of confidence in what they're doing. The ICOC bible studies are a fine-tuned machine that has chewed up and spit out hundreds of thousands-if not millions-of people across the world. </p><p>Behind every fumbling ICOC member who can't answer your very basic questions is an entire system of control that functions regardless of who is at the wheel. Think of it like McDonald's where there is a system in place that any low-skilled worker can fill. All the person has to do is follow the manual to make a hamburger or fries. The ICOC is the same. The only difference is that it's "unskilled workers" are "making disciples" instead of hamburgers. That member who seems unskilled at using the bible or articulating their beliefs has someone over them who is more skilled and savvy. And these more seasoned cult members will be meeting you soon, if you choose to continue with the bible studies. </p><p>The one chink in the ICOC's armor is how predictable they are. Having such a streamlined system of indoctrination leaves little room for innovation. </p><p>This means I can tell you (word-for-word) what phrases they use .... and chances are high that you will hear an ICOC member say one or more of these same phrases - <i><b>verbatim</b></i>. </p><p>So, without further ado, here's some of the most common phrases the ICOC uses to manipulate your emotions to indoctrinate you:</p><h4 style="text-align: left;"> <b> </b><b>Phrase #1</b></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"> <b>"IF YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH TO EVER LIVE, JESUS WOULD STILL DIE FOR YOU"</b></h4><p>This is typically used in the ICOC's Crucifixtion study (also known as the Cross Study). This is one of the most manipulative tools they have in their arsenal. This statement is supposed to make you feel loved and special, that (Jesus) is NOT only dying for the sins of the whole world, he is dying for YOU.</p><p>Likewise, Jesus is NOT JUST offering his life for every human being ever to be born. He is offering his life for YOU specifically. </p><div style="text-align: left;">The ICOC tells you that if you were the only person to ever live, that Jesus would go through with it anyway. The young women studying the bible with me emphasized that <b><span><u>I</u> </span></b>was on Jesus's mind when he was being beaten, tortured, and hung on the cross. They drummed it up in dramatic fashion, like it was a Lifetime movie or a summer blockbuster. Just like the hero in the movies that sacrifices his life for the others, Jesus was sweating blood, beaten, flogged, hanging on a cross with his lungs filling with fluid with ME on his mind as the only thing motivating him to complete the mission. </div><p>This phrase attempts to tap into our deep, human need to be seen and loved. It's intended to personalize our connection to God. To convince us that we aren't just a number or part of some flock. This phrase says, God sees you. God sees me. God sees us. And we are special in his eyes. We are worth the greatest of sacrifices. </p><p>This phrase functions as an emotional tool to "break" us, what the ICOC calls "being broken before the cross". This means being "moved emotionally" to tears and displaying a sense of urgency to "love God back" and to "give back to God" out of this sense of eternal gratitude for God's love. Unfortunately, this saying was a tool of manipulation to inflict guilt on us and instill in us a sense of being eternally indebted to God.</p><p>In retrospect, this saying did not move me, but I convinced myself it did. I <b>wanted</b> to believe it. But deep down, I didn't. When I reflect on this now, the concept not only seems manipulative, but it is illogical. Yes, not everything in the universe is logical in the left brain sense. Some things are unknown and even mysterious. But this idea that MY face was <u><b>literally</b></u> in Jesus' head over two thousand years ago, which made him push through to the end to save me AND every human being to ever exist is...well, dramatic. This concept according to the ICOC [and christian folklore] is supposed to be logical. It is supposed to make sense. But that only makes sense if 1) I believe the bible is the "Word of God" and 2) based on #1, that Jesus existed and died for my sins.</p><p>But here's the thing: </p><p>The concept of God is very perceptual. Who "God" is depends on the lens used to perceive God. </p><p>The ICOC's perception of God is very narcissistic and judgmental. The ICOC holds an evangelical Christian orientation, where God needs to be served nonstop and demands complete totalitarian allegiance. They like the persona of a harsh, "no-nonsense", "Father" figure who is hard line and black and white. The "ICOC God" is a male father who monitors who is being "naughty or nice" and will punish eternally anyone who doesn't die "right with Him" (according the the ICOC's bible interpretation of salvation). The ICOC worship songs reflect this, with hymns about being in the "Lord's Army" and waving the "Blood stained banner" for Christ. [There are many other evangelical beliefs the ICOC holds, but for now, these will suffice.] </p><p> </p><p><b style="font-size: x-large;">Phrase #2</b></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Once you've seen what we read [in God's word"], you're responsible to God for it"</span></h3><div><span style="font-size: large;">This fear tactic happens in the Word Study. I remember it like it was yesterday: the girl leading the study locked eyes with me and said this statement at the end. Young and naive, I was spooked and terrified. This statement is presented as a manipulation tool to instill fear of God in you. Remember, the ICOC God is like the Godfather, the infamous crime boss that lets you live or murders you in cold blood. The ICOC God, according to this idea, holds you accountable on judgment day for knowing what is expected of you. This statement is like a hex, a curse, that seals your fate after you've read the bible verses the ICOC shows you. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">The thing is that the ICOC, like many evangelical and charismatic christian movements, feels "judgment day" [when Jesus comes back to earth and God separates "the wheat from the chaff"] is their vindication to the world that they were right. As God's "chosen", this is supposed to be the moment of truth where one group gets into heaven and everyone else burns eternally in hell ["weeping and gnashing of teeth"].</span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">So this "day of judgment" is pivotal in the fear mongering. I was terrified of coming up on the wrong side of this "judgment day". I was scared to death of hell and burning eternally in torment. That Jesus statement, "weeping and gnashing of teeth" really had me in deep terror. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">That's why this statement hits so hard. It says that the moment you read the bible you are going to be judged by those very words on the "last day". These bible verses are taught through the lens of the ICOC ideology, so if you don't submit to the ICOC members studying the bible with you and swallow everything they say; if you don't make the changes they want you to make, then you are in the "weeping and gnashing of teeth" category.</span></div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Phrase #3:<br />"God LOVES [fill in the blank]</h2><p><span style="font-size: large;">"God loves a cheerful giver"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">"God loves a soft heart"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">"God loves a humble learner"</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">These kinds of statements are problematic for two reasons:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Reason #1: The ICOC is speaking on God's behalf. They are acting as God's thoughts, opinions, and character. As said before, the perception of God is in the hands of those teaching the ideology. And that perception is used to manipulate the person into behaving, thinking, and being whatever they say God loves.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Reason #2:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">This instills a level of control in the name of God. The person feels beholden to obey these statements out of reverence [and mostly fear] of God. That fear of God is instilled by the ICOC teachings. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">This also plays into something else: a person's spiritual desire to "please God" or "be right" with God. If you want to do these things, then you have to, for example, have a "humble heart". </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Now that this desire is exploited, the ICOC can dictate what having a "humble heart" means. I was told that God loves a humble heart when doing the bible studies. The women sat me down and told me that I was "prideful" and that God loves a humble heart. They always use at least one bible verse to back up these statements to legitimize their viewpoints with the stamp of approval, as the bible is "God's word".</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">"What God loves" is ultimately used to shame people into submission to the ICOC's teachings. </span></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Phrase #4:<br />"I give to God, not to men"</h2><p>This is financially motivated, as it pertains to tithing, or what the ICOC calls "contribution". [In fact, the word "contribution" is a loaded term in itself, but that's for another discussion]. This statement is not necessarily used in the initial bible studies, but it [meaning financial giving to the church] is broached in the "counting the costs" study right before the recruit gets baptized. </p><p>The problem? There are many. First off, here the ICOC goes again with personifying God to suit their objectives. In this case, God needs financial support like a human does. Paying weekly and annual offerings are said to be part of our "Worship" to God. After all, everything we have belongs to him anyway. The ICOC member will typically show the scripture James 1:17: "Every good thing comes from God":</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPuYWAmBo8U6FD87iMwftj56JJP9aqJ3ja5UureEB7ckaJ5lcVwO3bfjCx-YIaWTKNbYNlCdxiH9Qxl6TxuTl6VvZ4C0MwoX9qYdxOaMcJhcqf3RXNrblap8JgK9sTG-5AC838PIbONAts/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="162" data-original-width="311" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPuYWAmBo8U6FD87iMwftj56JJP9aqJ3ja5UureEB7ckaJ5lcVwO3bfjCx-YIaWTKNbYNlCdxiH9Qxl6TxuTl6VvZ4C0MwoX9qYdxOaMcJhcqf3RXNrblap8JgK9sTG-5AC838PIbONAts/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> or Malachi 3:10:</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZaLs4U6D6G_qBX2R47MAQCJUe28u9BxCTZaGlULv8dIZ8JD_GbVx9_L0GDg-ann7XF-3aGDWfENoMyLVxmx3aji9AFGalcm8dhQvhDB4YvvtMpso13N_SI2M-AmDmCy8Of3-IXxX4KMXV/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="1000" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZaLs4U6D6G_qBX2R47MAQCJUe28u9BxCTZaGlULv8dIZ8JD_GbVx9_L0GDg-ann7XF-3aGDWfENoMyLVxmx3aji9AFGalcm8dhQvhDB4YvvtMpso13N_SI2M-AmDmCy8Of3-IXxX4KMXV/" width="320" /></a></div><br />This is worthy of a discussion all its own, but the point here is that these scriptures are weaponized against you to manipulate you into believing that "I give to God, not men". I have yet to hear someone say this to me without their eyes glazing over. (No, seriously). When someone says this to you, it is a red flag that they are under mind control. No logical thinking person knows this to be true. Your money is going to the salaries of the church staff and the organizational bills of the church. They create even more cognitive dissonance when they follow this up with:<p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDxynGzK615vx_6O3I44gPk6xpKN6VHP59vs-4yGpq-yfC34RkD2CYIMUUSoeJp7u04IdIt_CJm2_VVlf2E0AqOjucXc5-us7SYu_TzxFkS06CblqwvyqiQltje4Wz2cyy4vx2UnVMb2Xh/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1376" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDxynGzK615vx_6O3I44gPk6xpKN6VHP59vs-4yGpq-yfC34RkD2CYIMUUSoeJp7u04IdIt_CJm2_VVlf2E0AqOjucXc5-us7SYu_TzxFkS06CblqwvyqiQltje4Wz2cyy4vx2UnVMb2Xh/" width="320" /></a></div><br />This touches on Phrase #3. But this scripture is shared to say that giving should be voluntary and from the heart, as well as what WE think is acceptable to offer. But the ICOC has a team of accountants who run the numbers and establish the church's budget. So, these ideas contradict one another. You can't be a "Cheerful giver" while being "encouraged" to give a minimum of 10% of your income [real or nonexistent and pre-tax]. The ICOC has bills to pay, venues to rent, salaries to the full time ministry staff along with 401k and health care/dental plans for the leader's kids, etc. This doesn't include the splurging on "business related" dinners and other indulgences the leaders enjoy that they deduct as a work-related expense off their already non-taxable income.<p></p><p>I'm getting side-tracked here....so back to this phrase. Giving to God is not a tangible concept. It's something church and cult leaders tell us, the same way parents tell their kids about Santa Claus at Christmas. Kids go to sleep and wake up Christmas morning to see presents under the tree "from Santa" when in reality it was our parents buying and wrapping the gifts. </p><p>In the same vein, the ICOC is better off just telling people the truth. Just say, "Hey. we're a 501c3 nonprofit organization that needs donations to function. How much can you pledge for our mission and organizational overhead?" </p><p>No, they won't. Just like most churches won't. They have to guilt you with bible verses to make you believe that you are giving to God, that paying the bills of the ICOC with your hard-earned money is pleasing to God and that God will disown you if you are not willing to "Sacrifice" your material possessions to Him. </p><p>After leaving the ICOC, my head had time to clear and the deconstruction began. I realized something Jesus said that they never mentioned:</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59KGX1X3I7yQmjySX0ZkMgXUGu3XsRo4cIViNuukNobvRtBianyH3zLPWmni8lGuaafPwfLZxSplsPPNHnxYhn0uFs7AAo0EPgOiQfihkOXO0AS7jO60s2SSASvwZ_slKVhMbOhhXb_ml/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59KGX1X3I7yQmjySX0ZkMgXUGu3XsRo4cIViNuukNobvRtBianyH3zLPWmni8lGuaafPwfLZxSplsPPNHnxYhn0uFs7AAo0EPgOiQfihkOXO0AS7jO60s2SSASvwZ_slKVhMbOhhXb_ml/" width="240" /></a></div><br />It wasn't until I let go of my religion that I finally understood many of the bible verses I was indoctrinated with over the years. Jesus in this scripture above was simply saying to keep the spiritual things spiritual and the material things material. I've gotten into so much distress listening to spiritual leaders entangling the two. Taxes are material. Don't spiritualize it. Pay it. Get tax filing help. Find legal loopholes. But address it in the real world. Leave the bible out of it. The gov't can say taxes are to God of they were not secular. In fact, tax money collected does more for our lives than church money collected. The ICOC special contribution they collect every year, which members are coerced to give at least 20 times their weekly contribution, does not go into any community pot. No social services for ICOC members. Even HOPE Worldwide, their "benevolent arm", goes into the leader's pockets and to "foreign missions" to plant churches in underdeveloped countries. They do some charity work for sure, but taxes does more for you and me than the financial sinkhole of the ICOC [or most churches, for that matter]. <p></p><p>So, you are giving to men, not to God. It is common sense that a spiritual being doesn't need material resources, but the ICOC uses words to manipulate you into thinking that it's good for your heart to sacrifice in this way. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Phrase #5<br />The bible is the standard.</h3><p>Ahh, yes. This phrase usually originates in the ICOC First Principles WORD study. It's full name is the WORD OF GOD study. The ICOC members "humble brag" about how they're different because for them, the bible is the standard. This saying is deceptive, and here's why:</p><p>One, it comes across as some form of integrity. In a world where pastors are getting arrested for fraud and religious leaders are facing law suits for child molestation, the ICOC's claims come across as a breath of fresh air. I grew up, as many of us did, seeing hypocrisy in religion and church, so hearing that "the bible is the standard" sounded good. </p><p>The problem is, it isn't about integrity. It's called <b>FUNDAMENTALISM</b>. It is <b>BLACK AND WHITE THINKING</b>. The bible is subject to interpretation, and this so-called standard of objective truth is just their interpretation. They used to say, "If it's in there, we obey it. Period". [Not verbatim, but along those lines]. Cults are fundamentalist with a totalitarian allegiance to a specific doctrine. The bible is the ICOC's doctrine and they have a cult devotion to it. That's why they have the WORD study, to lay the foundation of indoctrination of the bible being the literal "Word of God". You have to believe this, otherwise, as I wrote about in <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/08/how-icoc-uses-bible-to-manipulate-abuse.html" target="_blank">other blog posts</a>, the ICOC can't weaponize the bible against you. </p><p>The WORD study is where they tell you that the bible is like a toothbrush - something useful you need every day. It is, they say, a life manual. Depending on the person leading the study, they will use either the analogy of the bible standing for "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth" or it is a roadmap. They drive home the point of the bible being practical for everyday use. This is deceptive if you didn't grow up reading the bible or practicing it. It sounds solid. It sounds like these people are serious about what they profess. That they practice what they preach.</p><p>This is not the reality, however. The bible has many internal contradictions. Often the ICOC bends and twists scriptures to suit their agenda. The bible isn't their standard. It is a reinforcement tool to substantiate their own objectives and opinions. In other words, scriptures are either used as talking points or used to back up their talking points.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Final Thoughts</b></h4><p>There are more phrases, but these are all that I can think of for now. These are common phrases used to manipulate you under their controlling, toxic doctrine. If you are currently doing the ICOC bible studies with ICOC members, discontinue immediately. Save yourself. Avoid a lifetime of trauma and pain. If you are seeking a church community or like-minded believers, this is not it. The ICOC is a CULT. Do not test the waters because the farther into the studies you get, the harder it is to get out. Like I said earlier, don't be fooled by the clumsiness or lack of bible savvy the person is studying with you. These studies are fine tuned to get into your head and plant seeds of doubt about your faith. This is especially true if you are a Christian and have a relationship with God. They plant seeds of doubt to subtly undermine your connection to God. So beware. If you're looking for friends, these people are not it. They seem like family and community, but it is all conditional. Cults love bomb you while abusing you so pain feels like love and love feels like pain. The ICOC uses "tough love" to break you down so they can build you back up into one of their "disciples". Again, beware. </p><p>If you or someone you love has been approached by the ICOC or is currently entangled with them, and you need to talk about it - or you have questions - click on my <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.html" target="_blank"><u><b>Contact page</b></u>.</a></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-61332784678349718342021-10-04T05:32:00.002-04:002021-10-04T05:32:37.728-04:00Life after the cult: Trust issues<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSNIgJILqHJSyOQyneD2Hub_019ojgxA97rLDuXp665Y9Fce77jZxpUu83_6mk0wkQCiEw0k4OgMzBnD7YgfqFdsvVom07dMdZ_Uytg0yejHw5KIpBOtv7HNmWc4NT_Ls1E-iqoOdbMHg/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSNIgJILqHJSyOQyneD2Hub_019ojgxA97rLDuXp665Y9Fce77jZxpUu83_6mk0wkQCiEw0k4OgMzBnD7YgfqFdsvVom07dMdZ_Uytg0yejHw5KIpBOtv7HNmWc4NT_Ls1E-iqoOdbMHg/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Been thinking alot about what we as people give our trust to....I think we give away our trust way too easily. Leaders, politicians, social media influencers, you tube or face book personalities, and religious figures (pastors, church leaders) who have the "gift of gab" can too easily convince us that they have the answers to our lives. </span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">After my own cult experience, I realized that I didn't have healthy intellectual boundaries. I was recruited and converted as a teenager into the #ICOC cult, so it makes sense that with so little life experience (and an undeveloped personal identity) that I entrusted myself to these people so easily. It was a hard, painful lesson with long reaching consequences.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsQI8Z17frwUegnZnz__SV-0oCumOyroreLNh5UrUwqdbxREZ63mLeSk2yJuprYRGR5aZV0p_h5o0vPB9TgTqx8u6AfypvDS4ZYSvu53yrvdyudhTip2GpEVIyf9nfOKb7l17CbBQQxdp/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="299" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsQI8Z17frwUegnZnz__SV-0oCumOyroreLNh5UrUwqdbxREZ63mLeSk2yJuprYRGR5aZV0p_h5o0vPB9TgTqx8u6AfypvDS4ZYSvu53yrvdyudhTip2GpEVIyf9nfOKb7l17CbBQQxdp/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Today, as a cult survivor of many years now, I have learned something: my trust has to be earned. I don't care that someone speaks on something with authority. I've seen so much in my life about people and the nature of people to know better. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I don't care that my doubt offends people. I am no longer concerned about hurting someone's feelings (or their ego) when I reject all, some, or part of what they're saying. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">If it doesn't resonate, if it doesn't make sense, if the shoe doesn't fit me, I don't wear it. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">There's an old saying, "chew the meat and spit out the bones". In other words, take whatever applies to you and throw out the rest. In other words, we don't have to swallow every message or idea whole. That's extreme, black-and- white thinking, which is dangerous.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">This sounds simple enough. In real time, however, it is harder to do. When faced with a situation where you encounter new information from a persuasive individual, church, or other kind of group (think MLM) sifting though the BS can be tricky. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I plan to unpack what vetting means for me in another post or other medium, but for now, know that when I say "vet" I am referring to criteria that must be met for you to accept an idea, ideology, or belief as being true. This is what I call "intellectual boundaries". Without such boundaries, anyone can come into your life and take control. This criteria I mentioned is an individual thing, meaning each person's criteria varies. You and I must decide on what our intellectual boundaries are. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">I refer to it as a metro bus where you pull a cord to indicate to the driver that you want to get off at the next stop. I will ride with a person or group until it goes where I am not willing to go. When an ideology goes left, be it due to extreme black and white stances, or weird, strange teachings, or anything that violates my intellectual boundaries, I hit the "bell" and get off the ride. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7H-haSAF_ocdobmW4wTM8LVCQTa2vpo8r_pw_dqJ59BIta7m8OHl4kdJBO_JxCtBk0bDnzBnM2ji9kWZnWAHMQx71Yj8mQipsdSt3NzGPDJvnX0AilPmDo4Akptlk84yFB06fahd4unMr/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7H-haSAF_ocdobmW4wTM8LVCQTa2vpo8r_pw_dqJ59BIta7m8OHl4kdJBO_JxCtBk0bDnzBnM2ji9kWZnWAHMQx71Yj8mQipsdSt3NzGPDJvnX0AilPmDo4Akptlk84yFB06fahd4unMr/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Cults happen when people don't get off the bus. The driver is heading for a cliff and we don't get off in time. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Critical thinking means knowing when to get off. It means saying, "I agree with some of your points, but your ultimate conclusion is not for me". </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">An example in today's landscape is social media. You might subscribe to a platform such as Instagram or You Tube, where a content creator has a channel or page that you follow. This person is very popular, which means they have a large amount of internet followers and engagement. Their ideas are very persuasive and their arguments about [fill in the blank of what topic] are refreshing and sound solid. You agree with much of what they say until one day you watch a live video where they are proclaiming boldly some rhetoric that is off the rails. Maybe it is a belief that all of one gender or ethnic group is [fill in the blank] or they believe something that is so extreme and toxic that it is jarring. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Having healthy intellectual boundaries means measuring this person's message against your own criteria and deciding what you agree with and what you do not. Again, this sounds simple, but in real time it can be mentally hard to go against the grain of the human herd of a popular or controversial thought leader. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">My cult experience taught me that I must vet everything because <b>I </b>am the one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions, such as whose advice I listen to, what I believe, and what ideas I subscribe to. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Understand that there is a certain personality type that gravitates toward the limelight. Not everyone is a narcissist, but many people are, and we have to be on the lookout for such people and their ideologies. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Narcissist types (not necessarily clinically diagnosed) present well. They look and sound like what people are yearning for. These leader types, for example, offer hope to the hopeless, be it the church movement visionary, the business guru offering an online seminar, the life coach, or the politician running for office. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Even those who may come from a sincere place, such as some of the health 'experts' who insist on what people need to eat to be healthy (as they define it), may not know they're wrong or are just confident in what they are insisting on as the truth at the time. That SAME health expert will turn around a few years later and pivot, claiming the research has shown something different and that people "should do xyz now". And they are also saying this new position with just as much authority as the last position. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The point is rather simple: don't trust people so easily. Make them earn your trust. Make them prove themselves to you before you buy into what they're saying or offering. Remember, these people are human just like you and me. Someone being confident in what they say does not mean -and I repeat, it DOES NOT- mean they are right or that they know what tf they're talking about, especially when it comes to your situation. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><h3 style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: left;">Making people earn your trust doesn't mean be cynical. It means operating with a healthy dose of skepticism. This applies to all kinds of relationships and situations. </h3><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">To protect ourselves, it takes a clear mind and a solid self identity to withstand the groupthink that seems to happen with people over an ideology, group, or belief. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It also requires intellectual fortitude and love for oneself to critically analyze a spiritual belief, a "once in a lifetime business opportunity" or a political position. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It takes striking a balance between healthy skepticism and being open-minded to receive new ideas that may be beneficial or even life changing. This means vetting new ideas to see if they are true and if they are true for your life specifically. For example, when someone gives cookie-cutter weight loss advice, vetting such advice to see if it is true for your body.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">We must develop the skills to know the difference and to avoid extremes. It's okay to not agree if something doesn't resonate with you. It's okay to have doubts and be skeptical. We should ask questions until we are clear on what we are hearing. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It's okay to take time to think things over and process new information. This is actually good because it allows us to integrate what the DBT cognitive approach calls "wise mind" and "emotional mind". Cults play on our emotions by using the fear of missing out (FOMO) such as fear of going to hell if you don't accept a group's theology. </div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So, trust is a valuable commodity. Trust is the gateway to our hearts, minds, time, energy, relationships, and our bank accounts. Make people earn it.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-52700740052401276412021-08-21T19:19:00.015-04:002021-08-21T21:24:53.057-04:00Why religious/spiritual people are insensitive [and offensive] to spiritual abuse survivors<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga_7QtfiNlTN3vvsXJzoQAo78Nb7lJH3zp3DmzO4iELbG4AFhEPuEVtM_Q92B3ruF4eyaYwxx9zZsTW6vqAlyPCgS4fqG164-8o4p0PolhTxR6HVOytEoMqcqfXOg85ErVQ_6lGMXJfRK4/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="215" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga_7QtfiNlTN3vvsXJzoQAo78Nb7lJH3zp3DmzO4iELbG4AFhEPuEVtM_Q92B3ruF4eyaYwxx9zZsTW6vqAlyPCgS4fqG164-8o4p0PolhTxR6HVOytEoMqcqfXOg85ErVQ_6lGMXJfRK4/" width="221" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Life after spiritual abuse and cult abuse is unpredictable in many aspects. But one thing that has remained constant over the years since I left the ICOC cult back in 2006 (a very long time ago, folks) is the feedback I get from people who identify as Christian or who identify as "spiritual". This includes fellow cult survivors. </p><p>It never fails. Especially the assumptions I am about to discuss that these people have of me. They see my content, be it on You Tube, Facebook, or on this blog and assume the following:</p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Assumption #1: I am damaged goods. </b></h3><p>They assume that I am broken, defeated, and a wounded little Bambi trapped in a well needing rescuing. They feel sorry for me. They reach out to me to virtually hug me or hold my hand before ever-so-subtly telling me to "get over it" in their nicety nice christian, "love & light" language. They are "concerned" about me. Their heart "bleeds" over this abuse I've suffered. They say things like, "I'm so sorry this happened to you" (which is appropriate) but then the next sentence goes left somehow.</p><p>These people assume that I left the cult yesterday. They assume that I am in my feelings and immature in my spiritual development. This is insulting. The assumptions I get about my state of spiritual health and maturity gets annoying at times. And this comes from my willingness to be outspoken about my experience with spiritual abuse and cult abuse. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Assumption #2: I am disgruntled and stuck in bitterness.</h3><p>This is the most common assumption I get. And it gets tiring at times. They assume that my content comes from a place of "bitterness" and unresolved anger. They think I am using my online platforms to spread my anger to either get back at the church/cult, or to vent because I have no one else to talk to, I suppose. This assumption leads to gaslighting ["I know you've been "church hurt"] and also leads to deflecting, ["You have to put your trust in God, not in men"] and ending up at spiritual bypassing, ["You got to forgive. Do it for you, not for them"]. After all, "hurt people hurt people". </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Assumption #3: I am misinformed. </h3><p>They think I am either purposely or ignorantly spreading inaccurate information about the cult (ICOC) or religion in general, christianity in particular. They comment or email me saying I am not seeing clearly (see assumption #2) and that the cult is not the way it was when I was there years ago. Or they claim I just don't know what I'm talking about. They might, depending on the topic, assume I don't know the bible and they proceed to copy and paste bible verses as if I am seeing it for the first time with no contextual insight. Usually when this happens it's a current cult member or church person who is in denial. They disagree with me, but instead of being clear on why they disagree and being able to lay out what I said that was wrong, they just assume and state that I am "misguided". </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Assumption #4: All of the above.</h3><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt92yih-U749MWdOUykE5OH_v0Nq4qJKlEdARHxv2XNcHSFtwjTJSsPCVKz4eVxaUqByNwJS6NFuCJH7yfFF-ot7DhjdzkQ8uz0JVphRtFFdpGLf1PPuJBvhUh0EsM9JntuIRxhJluaRky/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="277" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt92yih-U749MWdOUykE5OH_v0Nq4qJKlEdARHxv2XNcHSFtwjTJSsPCVKz4eVxaUqByNwJS6NFuCJH7yfFF-ot7DhjdzkQ8uz0JVphRtFFdpGLf1PPuJBvhUh0EsM9JntuIRxhJluaRky/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><p>My math teacher in high school used to write the phonetic spelling of the word "Assumption" on the chalkboard and point to it, saying, "This is what happens when you assume: you make an ASS out of U and ME."</p><p>Yes, indeed, wise teacher. Life has proven you correct.</p><p>People assume these things when you speak out about spiritual abuse and cults. They assume you're the problem. They assume that you're broken, hurt, bitter, and angry. I have a blog post on here that addresses the "bitterness" fallacy. I talk about the angry label, too. If you are angry after spiritual trauma and abuse, isn't that a healthy response? Why wouldn't you be angry about being abused? Leaving a cult means leaving your life behind. For many of us, we literally lose everything - friends, family, money, and even the roof over our heads. We lose years we can't get back. What is unhealthy about feeling "bitter" or "angry" about that? Why <i><b>wouldn't </b></i>you feel regret, shame, pain? </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">When you speak out about spiritual abuse and cults, people assume automatically that YOU'RE the problem, NOT the spiritual abuse. </h2><p>Assumptions are dangerous. It shows people's ignorance. If possible, when faced with such people, try and remember that they are ignorant and dismiss what they're saying, regardless of if they mean well. Many people are sincere, but sincerely WRONG. Their assumptions can hit us differently on a bad day, or when we are at a raw place emotionally. People experience suicidality after leaving cults, and someone's assumptions can send someone off the cliff they're barely hanging onto as it is. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj752jM_FfNqr2iRwmwCO-Ws03C3L6pL-SPiu0ZQFfB3EWuYxVkkdu6ai-zyTKxFPR9E5XX9FxGI5Z5uEO7EtxbRz4YzC60dtIyYp7capX1hqHpqlTAol5aEHzLTcP2nArsBBJ5h7MToN4G/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj752jM_FfNqr2iRwmwCO-Ws03C3L6pL-SPiu0ZQFfB3EWuYxVkkdu6ai-zyTKxFPR9E5XX9FxGI5Z5uEO7EtxbRz4YzC60dtIyYp7capX1hqHpqlTAol5aEHzLTcP2nArsBBJ5h7MToN4G/" width="240" /></a></div><br />These assumptions are knee-jerk reactions to me speaking out candidly about spiritual abuse and cult abuse. When people hear such assertions of me (and others) breaking down concepts like recruitment, indoctrination, brainwashing, megachurch pastors, religious hypocrisy and the like, they experience cognitive dissonance. There is something about the christian belief system that blinds people from thinking objectively. They cannot examine their beliefs critically. <div><br /></div><div><h4 style="text-align: left;">The core tenants of christian faith include this concept of 'forgiveness' which is a toxic mind virus of pandemic proportions. </h4><div><div><br /></div><div>I don't think many christians recognize it consciously, but when exposed to the reality of spiritual abuse and cults, it never fails to elicit the same old responses: "church hurt", "You put your faith in men, not God", "you're bitter" "you have to forgive" "we are all God's children" "The only perfect person is Jesus".....and so on. </div><div><br /></div><div>These responses are always the same. It doesn't matter the person's gender, race, ethnicity, nationality, geographic location, occupation, marital status, etc. The Christian rhetoric is universal. Using the same exact language, the same phrases, same words. The ideology of "turning the other cheek" is at the core of most assumptions people have when engaging with me. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Forgive because Christ forgave you" is the idea. The mentality that, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" blinds people from calling a spade a spade. Their christian beliefs are thought-stopping mechanisms, disarming their natural responses to abuse. Their programming won't allow them to hold the church accountable, to name spiritual abuse for what it is, to call out the hypocrisy of spiritual leaders who lead cults, religions, and [mega]churches. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">Christian beliefs are thought-stopping mechanisms, disarming believers' natural responses to abuse.</h3><div><br /></div><div>There is a toxic mentality that exists among people who make these assumptions that lead them to blame the victim. </div><div><br /></div><div>Christian ideology today blends well with positive psychology and prosperity culture to make this, "Everything is your fault". Emotions like anger and resentment are seen as <i><b>weakness, a flaw, sin, ungodly</b></i>. Emotions deceive us and should be suppressed. Christian worldviews create people who submit to authority, regardless if the authority is oppressive, abusive, and even dangerous. The only objective is to forgive the person and turn the other cheek. Challenging abuse is seen as the opposite of this. Suing someone or going to the police is seen as not forgiving. Divorcing that abusive husband is seen as disobeying God without trying to make the marriage work. </div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">We have to understand something: this is the pathology of people who make these assumptions.</h4><div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRMctBuu1RjRJdfKr-vWHI9C-l8iYtx-iShsV1p1ECo0rFP8cUXwpz4zon-lvQRXfeY3lSv1xc8an0kYtjME0fn85T7eWBbVJIkm-0tYy8EcZO2x66U3AEQk-mRug9i-u-q-8MRTxg9LGC/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRMctBuu1RjRJdfKr-vWHI9C-l8iYtx-iShsV1p1ECo0rFP8cUXwpz4zon-lvQRXfeY3lSv1xc8an0kYtjME0fn85T7eWBbVJIkm-0tYy8EcZO2x66U3AEQk-mRug9i-u-q-8MRTxg9LGC/" width="320" /></a></div><br />My approach is to educate these people in the moment. Those who want to learn, will learn something. Those who don't will just get checked. I'm going to stand up for myself. As a cult survivor, I've served my time as a victim being disrespected and manipulated, allowing others to dishonor my boundaries. I'm not going to let anyone tell me how sorry they feel for me or how they feel where I am coming from BUT...fill in the blank with assumptions, gaslighting, deflection, and spiritual bypassing. <p></p><p>When someone comes to you, whether in person, through email, or though social media comment sections or private inboxes with their assumptions about you as a survivor of spiritual abuse, cult abuse and/or religious abuse, it helps to identify what assumptions they are working from. (See above assumptions). This requires reading between the lines and listening closely for the real message behind their words. </p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIyV5p_sEqEW0TNopo_EHVr2Pn19CObrx5OgNeEALhFEPfWo6yTkD_miTUft9wNoB27AqeDVqhA-msBg38-3P9ObBtfgoSJU3S-soKRU11PbhfrgFLfGk-0Hyi-DP6JMVhZWyZ0zFuGUcq/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="275" data-original-width="184" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIyV5p_sEqEW0TNopo_EHVr2Pn19CObrx5OgNeEALhFEPfWo6yTkD_miTUft9wNoB27AqeDVqhA-msBg38-3P9ObBtfgoSJU3S-soKRU11PbhfrgFLfGk-0Hyi-DP6JMVhZWyZ0zFuGUcq/w268-h400/image.png" width="268" /></a></p><p>Ask yourself, <i>what assumption is this person making about me? </i>If, for example, they are assuming you are "bitter", they will talk about forgiving and moving on, and get into the whole "It's about God, not people" or "blah blah blah" about the bible saying there will be "deceivers of the flock". </p><p>AS IF we need the bible to tell us that people will be grimy. I get it, though. When you subscribe to the christian/bible paradigm, this comes with the package, i.e. believing to the bible being the source of all understanding. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6xHVTWnE6FpRiNK9P4mBEh7M7fcHj1VX1NoKPcxgLN43_Z7S94c6G9pwJ8_Qmg4ZXs6mtlMZd54Cu4yH39xzC7OqEFqnEkSYcnAJ0AJrbzbaYQihdrn7SuwC62aZq-HeeOXaUWYSuqeEN/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="147" data-original-width="344" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6xHVTWnE6FpRiNK9P4mBEh7M7fcHj1VX1NoKPcxgLN43_Z7S94c6G9pwJ8_Qmg4ZXs6mtlMZd54Cu4yH39xzC7OqEFqnEkSYcnAJ0AJrbzbaYQihdrn7SuwC62aZq-HeeOXaUWYSuqeEN/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>The person making assumptions needs to ask you where you're coming from first. Address the assumption, not the person's words. It's easy to get lost in people's "word salad". They say a bunch of seemingly kind, empathetic things. They seem to care. They seem "concerned" about me. I listen, I read the full message. Then, if I choose to, I respond. I let them know they are wrong about their assumptions. I set them straight. I wish them well. (If I feel they deserve such wishes).</p><p>But I don't internalize their ignorance. And neither should you. That's harder said than done. It takes practice. It takes healing. It takes validation. It takes time, growth, support from others, support from within yourself. It takes educating yourself on spiritual abuse so you are grounded in the reality of your experience. People are dumb. They are ignorant. They may mean well, they may not. Either, way, spiritual abuse is real. Cult trauma is real. And their assumptions are not.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-1281597950989475612021-08-01T18:02:00.250-04:002021-09-26T02:30:37.973-04:00How the ICOC uses the bible to manipulate, abuse, and traumatize you [Scriptural abuse]<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiNzkN7H0u-RR2hpSyf69xiC-h8ynYviZovOwSyatox43wTwOLuLKL71CISlvyG3wsZY7cWQpa29CBdPaWizenZE1SdfHMinmBD4opci4rPmPNvOAlBA29AUXq4JiUX9w1c0QwvdhRBO-w/s277/bible+gun.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="277" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiNzkN7H0u-RR2hpSyf69xiC-h8ynYviZovOwSyatox43wTwOLuLKL71CISlvyG3wsZY7cWQpa29CBdPaWizenZE1SdfHMinmBD4opci4rPmPNvOAlBA29AUXq4JiUX9w1c0QwvdhRBO-w/w400-h263/bible+gun.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I was a member of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFAXqJ023WI&t=37s" target="_blank">International Church of Christ [ICOC]</a> for almost 12 years. It was a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs: verbal abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, manipulation, mental breakdowns, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, pressure, rejection, and VERY conditional love and acceptance. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">All of the above-mentioned abuses have at least one thing in common: they were inflicted using the bible. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC doesn't use the word "bible". They say the "Word of God" or "God's Word". As we will see, this word choice is significant in the abuse.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">One thing being in a cult like the ICOC is the power of language. Language or vocabulary used in cults are loaded weapons....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The bible is the ICOC's ultimate weapon of choice. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC is a Christian fundamentalist church cult. Christian fundamentalists use the bible <i><b>literally</b></i>. The bible is a historical book to fundamentalists. The bible is magic to them. It is, according to them, literally written by/inspired by God himself. They believe in the basic tenets of Christian principles, the first being that the bible is the "infallible" word of God. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So it makes sense why the ICOC uses the bible as a weapon. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In the ICOC's 'Word study', they lay the foundation for accepting everything they say as "truth". Once we agree to the bible being "God's word" and "infallible", they can then throw any scripture at us and we will capitulate to whatever they tell us the scripture means. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC would never call itself fundamentalist. But in practice, they are very much so. I remember constantly hearing them say, "The bible is the standard". One leader said, "if the bible says it, I believe it. God never lies."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">See, the bible is the 'authority'. The ICOC acts like the bible is 100% objective and completely neutral. Their arrogance blinds them from any possibility of interpretation. In fact, they think there IS no interpretation of scripture. Whatever the church leaders interpret the bible verses to mean, is the "truth" according to them. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, the result is that the ICOC's interpretation of the bible is perceived as 'objective truth'. Even worse still, this so-called 'objective truth' is, according to them, directly from God. In their fundamentalist view, all scripture is "God breathed" and should be taken literally. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">There are exceptions to this, of course. They don't believe, for example, that when Jesus said it is better to "gouge out" one's eyes [or pluck one's eyes out] before allowing their eyes to fall into sin, the ICOC doesn't teach that we should literally gouge our eyes out. They say, "duh! It doesn't mean stab yourself in the eye, it just means being "radical" about rejecting/avoiding sin". Just like most Christian sects, there is an ongoing cognitive dissonance between what they profess and what they actually practice. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For the ICOC, they see the bible as a loaded gun that God or Jesus has handed them to use at will. ICOC members feel they are the "only true church" and that they are the only humans alive who God has certified to represent and interpret his "word" to the world. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">ICOC logic goes like this: God's word = infallible = God's law = God's kingdom = ICOC church. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you believe in one, you have to believe in them all. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, to believe in the infallibility of the bible is to believe in the infallibility of the ICOC ("God's kingdom"). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">See how that works? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That's how you get indoctrinated. Subscribing to a familiar belief that the bible is from God is the Trojan horse that lets in the other extreme ideas, such as the ICOC being the "only true church". </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The bible can be used to comfort and also to traumatize.<br />The bible can be used to build up and it can be used to tear down.<br /><br /></h3><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's the same book. </h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I believe the bible is merely a mirror: it reflects what we already are on the inside. A pedophile will see permission to abuse children in the same bible as another sees slavery as a righteous act. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Still the same book.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The only difference is the person reading it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><h2 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The bible is only a mirror that reflects what we already are on the inside.</h2><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Not only that, but your personal lens and worldview and culture determine how you use the bible. Think about how different the cultural norms were during bible times compared to the world we live in today.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For example, women were considered property in bible times. Remember this scripture?:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhna1SsfmADotP8rU9Ym6YyQJTh4UrjulVjcqDY08yauzQDvu1l3HavvNvkXVONBUDBc1j9KV2Wtya8wvdA3uIgcLveCv7-3YkUoyqSBzNpmKi5zsiVqTK19JNYjSiXDVZ7UQ8sXDC_itPq/s550/Capture.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="344" data-original-width="550" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhna1SsfmADotP8rU9Ym6YyQJTh4UrjulVjcqDY08yauzQDvu1l3HavvNvkXVONBUDBc1j9KV2Wtya8wvdA3uIgcLveCv7-3YkUoyqSBzNpmKi5zsiVqTK19JNYjSiXDVZ7UQ8sXDC_itPq/w640-h400/Capture.png" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is not today's culture in America and most places on earth. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">[This is also misogyny but that is for another discussion]. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My point here is that there is no way the bible is objective when you have culturally-biased content like this. Ever since this was published and printed for mass consumption, male church leaders have been using this to justify not allowing women to teach or hold leadership positions or to even have a voice. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This may be hard for some of you to hear, but the bible is biased--- culturally biased, ethically biased, gender biased, etc. Treating the bible like a sacred text is problematic without also understanding that it is not only biased, but its words have been translated from Latin, Greek all the way to King James' English to modern-day English. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Think about it. The bible has many versions. Things get lost in translation. Governing councils (Look up the Council of Nicea) decided which books would be included in the bible and which did not make the editor's cut. That sounds more like the politics of men in power than God breathing the words into existence. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Remember this scripture?:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgGUm60IIRMGM3fcJgNVyF8utSOUazcuZ7BVKqEPMs4q2xE_JDdcpPsbByvdB0Bc40mKu0X58cYtEPidryCPqlencazzItCP7OsZP-1v_9ZbSf-EtKJZsCBJJHgxCbNBXjFbkjQ0MGXlx/s259/download.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgGUm60IIRMGM3fcJgNVyF8utSOUazcuZ7BVKqEPMs4q2xE_JDdcpPsbByvdB0Bc40mKu0X58cYtEPidryCPqlencazzItCP7OsZP-1v_9ZbSf-EtKJZsCBJJHgxCbNBXjFbkjQ0MGXlx/w400-h300/download.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC tells us that the bible is ""God-breathed" because, well, that's what it says about itself! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Wow. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That's like the fox being asked to guard the hen house. Or better yet, imagine I tell you that you can trust me....why?....because I said you can trust me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The bible never has to prove itself to be trustworthy. Look, I appreciate the bible for certain things. There is some timeless wisdom in there, despite the many translations and it's inherent bias, among other flaws. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Christianity won't allow us to just chew the meat of the bible and spit out the bones. We have to swallow it whole as objective truth that is 100% infallible. Why? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Why can't we just use it as a reference when it seems appropriate? Do we HAVE to believe that Jonah was LITERALLY swallowed by a fish/whale and lived in there for 3 days?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is that faith or cognitive dissonance? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC wants us to put our faith in the bible moreso than God. Really, they want your faith in the ICOC doctrine, including their interpretation of the bible. Or as they emphasize, "God's word" or the "truth".</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> You can tell a lot about a church by how they interpret the bible. One church views Jesus as a messenger of love and another church views Jesus as a deliverer of punishment. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's the same book.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC views the bible as not only a weapon against people to control, manipulate and shame them into submission but as a law book, a rule book, a "life manual" on how to get into heaven when you die.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC views God as a harsh, demanding, narcissistic authority figure who is never satisfied. The "ICOC God" is the godfather, the mob boss. You must bow and kiss his ring. Salvation is not based on love and redemption, it is based on a pardon the "GODfather" grants you once you've degraded yourself enough and pledged to obey him for eternity.... to be "used" for his "glory". </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This ICOC narrative is what drives their use of the bible. Abusers use the bible to abuse. Your discipling partner's word becomes God's word. Think about the way ICOC members have to get advice for everything. You can't even wipe your behind without seeking approval from your "DP" [discipleship partner]. All they do is give their opinion backed up by a bible verse that supports their viewpoint. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Most ICOC converts lack in-depth knowledge of the bible. If you listen to ICOC sermons or bible talk discussions or devotional meeting sermons, you will notice how flat and basic it is. ICOC sermons at the end of the day are just pep rally talks to juice up the members to recruit new members. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Meanwhile, they put the bible on a pedestal. Most Christian sects do this. They turn the bible into a deity. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The bible is just a book. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That is what the word "bible" means. "Book". [Look it up].</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When religion turns it into the perfect, inerrant, flawless, "holy bible", holy scripture, and "the word of God", it turns this book into a weapon. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You don't have to obey a book. You DO feel the need to obey "God's word". And a cult that teaches the bible will use your perceived authority in the bible to disempower you and subjugate you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">ICOC members, as earlier stated, have little bible knowledge. They throw scriptures at people without context. If you have ever been the subject of one of the ICOC breaking sessions, you may have noticed that they hand pick bible verses to suit their agenda. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For example, if they want to "disciple" you about something...let's say, you're single and live alone and they want you to move in with other disciples [ICOC members] then they will use bible scriptures to enforce their opinion. I have sat in sessions like this where the women's leader is flipping open the bible to scriptures like Matthew 6:33, using the concept of "seeking the kingdom first" to persuade a single member to give up their apartment lease and move into a "kingdom household". If that doesn't work, she'll say to turn to another scripture, which might be 1 Peter 5:8</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit4E4-EccUPwNvoDLipjSdmvThvW-5RIeQU_eOxH4TFaH8FVgKGXnRyUIrGrtHid8dpPdI5A7RQ4tinF_qDBT2p_1iZTUkgee-EPF4fjhIQMb4_n8kMOfg5WbbTdkr-bMNet8A59UwH3Wi/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit4E4-EccUPwNvoDLipjSdmvThvW-5RIeQU_eOxH4TFaH8FVgKGXnRyUIrGrtHid8dpPdI5A7RQ4tinF_qDBT2p_1iZTUkgee-EPF4fjhIQMb4_n8kMOfg5WbbTdkr-bMNet8A59UwH3Wi/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbJqH1gFLBF8wI1dWDebJ0UwL7ssoa8G5xZqLZY-B6UhPCa49N0BfJTczgmw2A7QWFP3vOcDRf3Ir4LktNvc8QEytFtFs9YgOv5MSOAw5zd92lwaA9qk152xeUOaCcQOHB92fQDoLiM6ZU/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbJqH1gFLBF8wI1dWDebJ0UwL7ssoa8G5xZqLZY-B6UhPCa49N0BfJTczgmw2A7QWFP3vOcDRf3Ir4LktNvc8QEytFtFs9YgOv5MSOAw5zd92lwaA9qk152xeUOaCcQOHB92fQDoLiM6ZU/w400-h400/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The leader will use this verse -and others like it- to instill fear in the person of living alone. The devil will devour them without the 'protection' of the group. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Notice, though, how this scripture was not written about single Christians being in danger living alone. No bible verse says that Christians must cohabitate with other Christians.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But scriptures are weaponized to manipulate your thoughts and behavior.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC does this often with things that there is no bible verse for, such as dating. They will use 2 Corinthians 6:14</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ2k_rj7tQKdTyyFsuamSDwDluiARmzzWqE0PlbIxH0wJgEIFL0mnuAcTeC5Z96E9AN9Jhy-UhqbHmROEwvwmDxSgo_ef6zrCdWScSmgRsoI6i34eKazR0NxfFqBZ5SbughUUy4_bNsHSe/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ2k_rj7tQKdTyyFsuamSDwDluiARmzzWqE0PlbIxH0wJgEIFL0mnuAcTeC5Z96E9AN9Jhy-UhqbHmROEwvwmDxSgo_ef6zrCdWScSmgRsoI6i34eKazR0NxfFqBZ5SbughUUy4_bNsHSe/" width="240" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This verse was not about "dating". Modern day dating practices did not exist back then when this was supposedly written. But it is the cornerstone, go-to verse for convincing members that they should only date other ICOC members.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The ICOC uses the bible as a "thought control" mechanism. Any time someone has a difference of opinion or an objection to the church, a church leader, or a cultural practice in the church, they get beat over the head with bible verses. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Scriptures are used as a <b><u>thought-stopping technique</u></b>. If you're angry, they grab you and flip their bible open and read:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMurrD3gYuwCKBxiMDRA2kg96BEIh8sS73XwHQBRZQ3MMw-38QS2tJW5kH3exRuBJhC4fH_6OIjsdD58_9N7bOn1rs3_yRbQSc3QdiZU7w2oC3ndNTURHfsyugA7OEmIFckQWmqx1H0YKJ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdWuPZalATwRANQVdbCXkfs4eS_VQLoA-3CLJwi7YNCu-OHyuNQOd5_4SU9yU1ZwFRUTuLp9I64maLCKHB8rcxGM-zqMb6s8qSD1Knr39oId5MwOtQzDpZM6y6X4MjItaho6mz13-MN_0Z/w400-h400/image.png" width="400" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Scriptures [like the one above] are used to SHUT DOWN your emotions or dissenting thoughts the church does not approve of. You are not allowed to be human and have a healthy range of emotions, i.e. anger. It is there to evoke shame in us in order to change our emotions or behavior.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">The ICOC lacks empathy, listening skills, and compassion, so they hide behind the bible and shame/demonize emotions, dismissing feelings and intuitive prompting as "deceitful". The bible is the standard because as I was told, it never changes while our emotions constantly change, hence why we cannot trust our emotions. Or ourselves.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">This explains why many of us get triggered when we hear bible verses after leaving the ICOC. We have Post traumatic stress from memories associated with the bible. The people using the bible as a weapon against us were often cruel, heartless, emotionally unavailable, lacked emotional intelligence, and were hypocritical. They claimed to be the only ones who were saved because they were the only church that truly obeyed the scriptures. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><i><b>The more people claim to follow the bible, the more corrupt their character seems to be. Or is it just me?</b></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Educate yourself on this topic. Explore it with a trusted mental health provider or friend. And, most of all, understand that the bible can be -and is- used according to interpretation. The power lies in the hands of the authority figure who determines what the bible verses mean. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My take is that the bible is what it means: a book. It is not magical. It is not perfect. It is not inerrant or infallible. The bible has flaws. I don't subscribe to the mythical ethos that the bible is the "word of God" that God mystically breathed into existence. It is like believing Santa Claus really left Christmas gifts under your tree while you were sleeping.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">To be clear, this isn't knocking anyone's beliefs in the bible. Beleive what empowers you. I just don't see how the bible being a magical book empowers anyone. Why can't we just, as I mentioned already, take the bible as an allegorical book with some flaws AND some ancient wisdom in it that we can apply to our lives? Do you have to believe it is holy and infallible to be a Christian? Again, is your belief in the bible or in God?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">After leaving the ICOC, and then leaving religion and church altogether, I took my time deconstructing my beliefs. I studied the history of the bible and how it came about. I put aside my emotions and previous indoctrination in my quest to understand my christian beliefs. The bible, I realized, was the core of the christian belief system. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The bible is the doctrine of the christian religion. The religion is based on the bible's teachings. In order to believe, for example, the existence and resurrection of Jesus, one must believe that the bible is sacred. The bible is thus viewed as the "word of God", literally. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This, I began to understand, is the root of many of the issues I experienced in the ICOC cult and in other churches I became involved with, including the Church I grew up in and the Catholic schools I attended.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What I had to understand is that the ICOC uses your belief in the bible against you.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">If you don't believe the bible is infallible, then the weapon loses its power. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">If you don't believe the ICOC is "God's kingdom" then their interpretation of the bible has no control over you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">OR</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You come to your own interpretation of the bible and no longer allow other people's interpretations of the bible to influence you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Until that day comes, you will be subjected to <a href="https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/scriptures-describing-abuse/untwisting-scriptures-used-against-abuse-victims/" target="_blank">scriptural abuse</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">References</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/scriptures-describing-abuse/untwisting-scriptures-used-against-abuse-victims/">https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/scriptures-describing-abuse/untwisting-scriptures-used-against-abuse-victims/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="Roboto, Noto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Losing my religion FB page:
</span><span face="Roboto, Noto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/spiritualabusehealing4life">https://www.facebook.com/spiritualabusehealing4life</a></span><span face="Roboto, Noto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="Roboto, Noto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Contact me:
</span><span face="Roboto, Noto, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #0d0d0d; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.htm">https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.htm</a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-65599032371539678312021-07-29T01:58:00.000-04:002021-07-29T01:58:13.140-04:00New you tube video: Stand up for yourself!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vFWrweUYTVo" width="320" youtube-src-id="vFWrweUYTVo"></iframe></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-24818827621930930472021-07-28T00:46:00.008-04:002021-07-28T02:41:58.172-04:00Guilt Porn: how modern-day churches are pushing 'toxic positivity' down our throats...<p> </p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>This video right here...... THIS guy.....THIS message....</b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b>Gag reflex activated.</b></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/e0oRBKbRYnY" width="320" youtube-src-id="e0oRBKbRYnY"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hear me out on this one before casting judgment.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This guy in the video has no arms....and no legs.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sad, isn't it? Very sad. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But he is a pawn. A pawn for who? you may be wondering. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Where am I going with this?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Well, remember to hear me out before casting stones.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This man with no arms and no legs is a poster child for "toxic positivity". And the church is using him as a brand ambassador for this toxic positivity message. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is not an indictment on the man. It is an indictment on modern-day Christianity. </h3><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you are unfamiliar with the term, "toxic positivity", I encourage you to look further into it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Toxic positivity is when positive thinking becomes toxic. It is a worldview and cultural mindset that idealizes "good vibes only". Toxic positivity is the core philosophy behind the law of attraction, new age "love and light" practices.....and of course, the modern-day christian church. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The only difference is that the church uses bible verses to push toxic positivity. Guilt-induced, toxic positivity packaged in bible verses and christian ideology.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7JHLwKGbjkiUnzv67catcv9FmF5vsVMBsui_linqYNvAWEhqeKJ05iA_LW7FGqan2xkhoQxhCecWLvo1srUwxEmSStDxMBzcxFC2I7j9h2-gI5GmGQMAyHWTqSnIV1w3mz_uQOloYO0RT/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="260" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7JHLwKGbjkiUnzv67catcv9FmF5vsVMBsui_linqYNvAWEhqeKJ05iA_LW7FGqan2xkhoQxhCecWLvo1srUwxEmSStDxMBzcxFC2I7j9h2-gI5GmGQMAyHWTqSnIV1w3mz_uQOloYO0RT/w400-h299/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I call this <b>guilt porn</b>. It's like, "Hey, this guy has no arms, so you have no excuse for anything!" The gag reflex I feel with this...it's the "If I can do it, then anyone can!" [Did I mention I don't have arms? Or legs?] </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Now, every time I get down or depressed about my life problems I feel guilty because, well, I have my arms. I can walk, dammit. This guy has no legs!!! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The audience: "How brave. How inspiring. How godly. Such a powerful testimony!! What an example he is of God's love and grace"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tons of "amens" and a standing ovation.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Gag.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">We've been hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Manipulated. Shamed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You've just witnessed Christian toxic positivity in action.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Typical bible verses used to impart toxic positivity are some of the following;</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b>Proverbs 18:21</b> "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."</div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Matthew 18:18</b> "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Matthew 12:37</b> "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Proverbs 13:3</b> “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I've heard Joel Olsteen preach this one:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><br /></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Psalm 33: 6</b> says, "By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">There are more, but these are some of the main ones. Chances are you've heard these used too. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Of course, there is some truth to this. Most deceptive ideas have some truth tucked in there. That's how it becomes viral. The truth acts as a trojan horse for the lies or misinterpretations. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What is the truth? It's true that we should be mindful of what we say. Words do matter. The intent behind the words matter just as much, if not more. Having a positive mindset is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be an asset. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Toxic positivity <b><u>doesn't</u></b> mean that <i>positivity is toxic</i>. It means that there is <i>healthy positivity</i> and there is <i>toxic positivity</i>. </h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Healthy positivity is good. Thinking positive thoughts can help when you're trying to study for that tough exam or lose weight or starting that new job. Thinking that you can't do it, that you will fail or that you are dumb is not productive. So it makes sense that one should cultivate and maintain a positive mindset. Who wants to be lost on a camping trip with the person who keeps saying "we're doomed!"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">On the other side, <i><b>toxic positivity</b></i> is not healthy. In fact, it is suppressive. Toxic positivity demonizes "bad" emotions. It becomes cult-like. If you're having a crappy day, you have to hide it behind a smile and so-called positive words. If you're sick, you can't "claim it". If you're sad, you have to inhale and repeat mantras of gratitude. You have to constantly police your thoughts. Instead of acknowledging and processing your true thoughts and emotions, toxic positivity demands You to "rebuke" your real thoughts and emotions in the name of Jesus. You must "claim authority" over these feelings and thoughts and desires, if they are not "good". </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It gets darker.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Toxic positivity makes it unsafe to be human. It makes it unsafe to be authentic. Being around people who subscribe to toxic positivity (whether consciously or unconsciously) is not easy and it is not emotionally safe. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And the church has taken toxic positivity to the next level. One time a church brother asked me how I was doing during Sunday church fellowship. I made the mistake of being truthful. I said I was having a migraine - which I was, with the church band blaring music loudly in my eardrums. The guy literally ran the other way, as if I had cooties. In his eyes, I was being "negative". </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I've been told by christian friends not to "Speak it into existence". If I was speaking casually and said, for instance, I was nervous about an upcoming interview, or if I shared my fears of failure or something I am worried about.... the friend would correct me, saying "Girl, don't claim that!" </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">"Claiming" something is "bad" under toxic positivity IF it's doubt, worry, fear, anger, resentment, etc.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The only thing you can "claim" is things like, "I'm blessed and highly favored" or "God had plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future".</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The problem is that we are human. Forcing yourself to be positive is not healthy. It becomes another mask you wear to please others. Toxic positivity strokes the ego, which always wants to be perceived as strong and in control. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And toxic positivity causes a byproduct of guilt. Putting a person with no arms in front of the church congregation (and the world when displayed on you tube) is pure guilt porn. An over indulgence of guilt for being human. Guilt for being unhappy. Guilt for being sad. Guilt for your depression and your suicidal thoughts. Guilt for allowing your circumstance to impact you.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The church claims that the man with no arms/legs is there to be an inspiration with his "testimony". But in reality - or <b><i>my</i></b> reality- the man with no arms is there to shame the rest of us with arms that we have no right to have a bad day because we have our arms. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This type of presentation is lethal because it proports itself to be for the good of others but it secretly implies the opposite. It invalidates us as people with a spectrum of emotions and experiences and circumstances. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Because this guy has no arms or legs, now you're shamed for having a headache and not coming to church because, again, if he came here with no arms, then a little headache is no excuse for anyone else.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The guy with no arms is a pawn in the church's game of control. They will use a story of a person severely disabled as the standard for the rest of us. "If they can [fill in the blank], then you can too." is the mental virus. This gives the church a way to avoid empathy and compassion for others. It disguises "suck it up!" as so-called being "convicted" by the man with no arms' story. We're supposed to be like him. Every problem we encounter is supposed to be transposed onto his circumstances in comparison for validation of our right to suffer.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I always struggled with this. Toxic positivity is not just in church, it is pervasive throughout our society. People don't call it toxic positivity. They just speak and act and think that way. And they project it onto you and me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I want you to know that <b><i>toxic positivity</i></b> is real. It is not you being "negative" or "difficult". You need to know this exists and be able to put words to it so you understand what is happening to you and why. You need to be able to recognize toxic positivity when you encounter it in order to protect yourself from internalizing its poison. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">You matter. Your emotions are diverse and spectral. Your emotions, "good" or "bad" serve a function:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QNGFE_kG8rL3eOcdu92O__92GrDoaw5vkjADd4cv_v3WqpPVsYbRf1r9-ITcZGpgFnL-lDe9Y0rAmJhkB6FkSc3FF-AICndv8DYGNTqHKDmk7mIJAlV6t_8F9nzgT1MLYnFfUcwG6GJB/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="927" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QNGFE_kG8rL3eOcdu92O__92GrDoaw5vkjADd4cv_v3WqpPVsYbRf1r9-ITcZGpgFnL-lDe9Y0rAmJhkB6FkSc3FF-AICndv8DYGNTqHKDmk7mIJAlV6t_8F9nzgT1MLYnFfUcwG6GJB/w493-h640/image.png" width="493" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emotions are not moral. They are indicators. </td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <span style="text-align: left;">In fact, there are no "good" or "bad" emotions. Toxic positivity makes only "happy" emotions okay to feel and express. Suppressing and morally condemning emotions such as anger and disappointment can lead to self blame. You blame yourself for having these feelings and thoughts and it is the opposite of self love.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><h3 style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Toxic positivity is the enemy of self-love and self acceptance.</h3><div><br /></div><div>Being "love and light", "forgiving" and "grateful" without being real causes us to deny our true feelings. The modern-day church has turned positive thinking into a "hex" or a "curse" we put on ourselves anytime we say something honest, truthful, raw that is "negative" or "angry". </div><div><br /></div><div>Toxic positivity leads to burnout. It is a heavy burden to be "happy" and "blessed" all the time. It instills fear in us. Fear of "cursing" ourselves because, as one pastor and many self help people have said, "words are spells. That's why when we take the pen to write, it's called 'spelling". The pen is a wand, beloved, and so when we write we are casting spells." </div><div><br /></div><div>It's funny now, but I bought into it when it was first said to me years ago.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fake deep people, church folks, and new age inflencers push this toxic mindset. Many people are caught up in it. The law of attraction ideology has people out here scared to death of having "negative" thoughts out of fear that they will manifest these thoughts into reality. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, for example, if you feel like you're coming down with a cold, you cannot "claim it" or else it will become a cold from your words going into the universe, casing "spells" because, as the bible says, "life and death is in the power of the tongue". </div><div><br /></div><div>Guilt porn/toxic positivity invalidates our struggles. It forces us to compare our lives to someone else's and judge whether our problems are bigger than theirs. If the answer is no, then we are denied permission to have struggles. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is toxic. </div><div><br /></div><div>Look, if you're finding yourself captive to toxic positivity you've got to pull away from it. Take a few steps back and analyze. What rings true for you? Discard the rest. Living in fear or paranoia is not the way to exist. Just like with any belief system, toxic positivity should and must be analyzed, critiqued, and challenged. Anything short of that is a cult system. </div><div><br /></div><div>You are okay just as you are. You don't have to always be upbeat. Some days you're in a mood. Other days you may be more happy or even joyful. If you feel angry, feel it. Don't let society shame you for being human. Of course if you were abused you would feel emotions like anger. Toxic positivity takes away your right to experience your reality. You have the right to your reality and all that comes with it. </div><div><br /></div><div>No one gets to dictate to you what is okay and not okay to feel. And no one has the right to judge you based on some cult-like group think that doesn't serve you. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">Live. your. Life.</h3><div>Stop apologizing for existing. You don't owe anyone an explanation for who you are, what you beleive, why you chose this, why you didn't choose that. Allow yourself to be human. When you do, you will be amazed at the inner growth you will experience as a byproduct. </div><div><br /></div><div>Until next time. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><br /></div></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-79626842620986908792021-07-05T02:29:00.000-04:002021-07-05T02:29:33.943-04:00Are you being gaslighted? <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRta9An9CSZbYzLba2ajANMgB8QwuXWQ3lTj8lMvJTRrwhdCvyLvjuGPN8nfHCtB41ONjw0b_3bescni8SfIg3kTjUTuqpzDvJdcPip4pcEUieX8KMOHyC62oCxVeLF939H6AnO0PNpxD4/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="167" data-original-width="302" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRta9An9CSZbYzLba2ajANMgB8QwuXWQ3lTj8lMvJTRrwhdCvyLvjuGPN8nfHCtB41ONjw0b_3bescni8SfIg3kTjUTuqpzDvJdcPip4pcEUieX8KMOHyC62oCxVeLF939H6AnO0PNpxD4/" width="320" /></a></div><br />Gaslighting is all the craze these days. It is used everywhere it seems. Unfortunately, many people are still uneducated on what gaslighting is. As overused as the word is, I think some people are misusing it. Others don't recognize it when it's happening to them. <p></p><p>This article is for the latter.</p><p>The thing with gaslighting is that by sheer nature of the term, it leads to being misunderstood. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the other person says, does, or implies things in a way that makes you think you're crazy. </p><p>When you're being gaslighted, it's hard to tell because gaslighting makes you think that it's all in your head. You internalize the abuse or mistreatment as something that isn't actually happening rather than recognizing the source of the abuse. </p><p>I am of the opinion that in many situations, people aren't saying to themselves, "I'm going to gaslight him/her" right now. Gaslighting often comes in the form of <b>defensiveness</b>. When you point something out to a person, when you express how something they said or did "made you feel", they respond with gaslighting words or behaviors to protect themselves from what they see as an attack. </p><p>A <b>lack of self reflection</b> is also a core component to gaslighting. When people are not self aware, they deflect onto you any criticisms or feedback you give them. </p><p>Another foundation for gaslighting is <b>denial</b>. When someone is in denial, they double down on denying the obvious facts of something that is undeniably true. For example, claiming that racism does not exist or that society is an even playing field solely based on meritocracy when the opposite is glaringly true.</p><p><b>Projection</b> is also a key ingredient to gaslighting. You think it's all in your head because the person projects onto you what they are. For example, a negative person who gaslights will tell you that you are such a negative person when it's really them who are negative. </p><p>There are many different examples of gaslighting that span many kinds of scenarios that I can't cover here, but here are a few that I've experienced: </p><p>* Someone tells you, "You're so negative" when they are the most negative person you know.</p><p>*When you file a complaint at work about being mistreated by a coworker, the supervisor or HR person tells you that it's probably a "misunderstanding". </p><p>*A family member constantly says things to cut you down and when you respond, they say, "You're too sensitive. I'm just playing!" </p><p>*At church, you talk to the leaders about the abusive environment and the leader insists that you are in "sin".</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3T5lVwIe6TmQ6jh6MFeLIohIlafEO8c2bqKrCHC8WDXBSDKplc5MW9M9UfKx6qUaiahuR6nNmSceUjBomx-mUk0JtZzGDMvQ7tQAflF-jEIrJ2zNihYuMUcxn7HTpboLDpwZ7zobbeI4/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="175" data-original-width="288" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3T5lVwIe6TmQ6jh6MFeLIohIlafEO8c2bqKrCHC8WDXBSDKplc5MW9M9UfKx6qUaiahuR6nNmSceUjBomx-mUk0JtZzGDMvQ7tQAflF-jEIrJ2zNihYuMUcxn7HTpboLDpwZ7zobbeI4/" width="320" /></a></div><br />The word "gaslighting" reminds me of a gas stove and lighting it with a match. When you are being gaslighted, you are the stove. Someone is trying to trigger you - either to deflect from their own wrongdoing or to get you to doubt yourself. <p></p><p>Gaslighting confuses the mind. It causes cognitive dissonance. It makes you think it's all in your mind, even when you know it isn't. As a result, you feel like you're going crazy. Gaslighting causes you to doubt yourself. It messes with your self confidence in the sense that you don't trust yourself to perceive your own reality.</p><p>Gaslighting says, "Don't believe your own eyes". It says, "Don't trust your own intuition". </p><p>When being gaslighted, you often don't recognize it at first. It's a slow burn. When it first happens, you dismiss it. You give the person the benefit of the doubt. You try not to rush to judgment. When it happens again and again, you wonder if you're overthinking it or if you are being too sensitive. You have inner turmoil over what you are sensing or feeling, asking yourself if you are misinterpreting the person or situation. Just give it another chance. </p><p>What are you seeing? Why isn't the other person reflecting back to you what you are seeing, feeling, or intuitively sensing? One thing about intuition is that you can sense something isn't right but you can't directly put your finger on it. You know this person is gaslighting you, but you can't quite articulate how. But it's happening. </p><p>So, how do you deal with gaslighting?</p><p>#1: You educate yourself. Read up on gaslighting. Learn what it is. Understand the signs. </p><p>#2: Learn to trust your intuition more. When you are sensing something isn't right with a person or situation, practice trusting what you are feeling. Listen.</p><p>#3: Remember that you are not crazy. </p><p>#4: Know that you are worthy of being loved and treated with respect and dignity. No one should be manipulated into denying their reality. </p><p>#5: Stand your ground. Remember that what you're seeing, experiencing and feeling is real to you. Put boundaries in place. If you cannot avoid interacting with a gaslighting person, limit your conversation with them. </p><p>One final note: Gaslighting can occur with individuals and groups. Group gaslighting can be cultural. When there is a systemic issue, leaders often deny the reality of the members being marginalized or mistreated. </p><p>Thanks again and talk again soon.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-63061648533358777412021-06-24T14:24:00.001-04:002021-06-24T14:24:41.762-04:00Disarming the word "Bitter" [Bitter-phobia] explained<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkee8jD6kwWyY-fW6eejKq7DELocjEK04w9ryuakV3hoUUFGeEqNRs99kTs_uuhTSVyq_rfqFs4z2ASNMm6cQJDdVd6u5UumCMhQ4Kb7rGjbpy3ohHjRalTqGvnI5klEwrpgpu7369VFGm/s232/better+not+bitter.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="217" data-original-width="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkee8jD6kwWyY-fW6eejKq7DELocjEK04w9ryuakV3hoUUFGeEqNRs99kTs_uuhTSVyq_rfqFs4z2ASNMm6cQJDdVd6u5UumCMhQ4Kb7rGjbpy3ohHjRalTqGvnI5klEwrpgpu7369VFGm/s0/better+not+bitter.png" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">"Bitter" is a loaded word in christian circles. Even outside of religion, "good vibes only" communities also are "bitter-phobic". Many people act as if being bitter is the end of the world. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Well, I've got some great news for ya...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Bitter is not the end of the world.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhrjdXdf_NQaPJImgxzY5JVpAgX79IEV9ArTjhvd-T_OuWkz14CmIC1wM5x1IfyL7K9uGuz67eZswfzOjEZj6RMjd-OHCPlYHbswA9VHqsAHGYLTO58n70ekWB6bi86vG6BvyhyphenhyphenWsfvOWe/s275/relieved+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhrjdXdf_NQaPJImgxzY5JVpAgX79IEV9ArTjhvd-T_OuWkz14CmIC1wM5x1IfyL7K9uGuz67eZswfzOjEZj6RMjd-OHCPlYHbswA9VHqsAHGYLTO58n70ekWB6bi86vG6BvyhyphenhyphenWsfvOWe/s0/relieved+woman.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span><span style="text-align: left;">In our society, however, "Bitter" is the scarlet letter. It is the </span><b style="text-align: left;">ultimate shaming tactic.</b><span style="text-align: left;"> It is the most potent character assassination. </span></div></div><p></p><p>Some people talk about "moving on" from trauma and abuse. This "be better not bitter" mentality comes across as self-empowerment, but it has a dark side. This mentality can also be a cover for self-righteousness or gaslighting. Calling someone "bitter" is so lethally weaponized that people level it at others to neutralize them, to shut them down. </p><h3 style="text-align: center;"><b>Bitter is weaponized against others. People call you bitter to shame you and silence you.</b></h3><p>It's time to tackle the whole concept of being so-called bitter. I'm tired of hearing this word. I'm tired of emotion-shaming. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD79Ix8oztWnyfnxvLpFe93xxm5JzVIUFUyGvsiQzuqv8KEOjrlZ69mbIAQFfcXwEd14iZyYAYGeRHWf0v6friXtMLtuh4MegPPMSD8ZpoAWqxmZcml2Ofsx8OYcQJxSEW9KxNSdfWkay5/s310/shaming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD79Ix8oztWnyfnxvLpFe93xxm5JzVIUFUyGvsiQzuqv8KEOjrlZ69mbIAQFfcXwEd14iZyYAYGeRHWf0v6friXtMLtuh4MegPPMSD8ZpoAWqxmZcml2Ofsx8OYcQJxSEW9KxNSdfWkay5/s0/shaming.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Bitter is a loaded word. So much is implied when it is said to someone: </p><p>"You're bitter"</p><p>"He's just bitter"</p><p>"I want to be better, not bitter"</p><p>Christian ideology has made us bitter-phobic. In the church I was part of for almost 12 years, being labeled "bitter" made you a deplorable. "Bitter" people had cooties. "Bitter" church members were in danger of leaving God and going to hell. "Bitter" meant you had a prideful spirit and that your heart was hard. You needed to be fed with a long-handled spoon. You were the spiritual walking dead.</p><p>Due to these repercussions, Christians develop a phobia to bitterness and "unforgiveness" and anger.</p><p>You are not allowed to have these emotions. Only God is allowed to get angry. His anger is righteous anger, says the bible. </p><p>The church leaders can get angry, too. They're "God's chosen". </p><p>But us? Forget it. We are allotted a very small window to be angry, resentful, and bitter. In fact, the mindset is, that anger comes first, then resentment. If you're resentful too long, then you become bitter. </p><p>Bitterness is the final frontier. Once you cross that line into bitter territory, there's no hope for you. You're lost. Your heart is turned to stone. Your soul is turned from God. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWuMElB4P8_xFQDDh-aiaETM6AuEZL3iCLsX2x4FPgb1OQCqlDQJc_XIGNoQ33U_Zcy695bnu18AGRprgAcWdC5g25wTG_-T469dx64SuaKWWkiuqsWB-OUhCrdMeRB0Vp9Ap5eZHhchCz/s311/bitter+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="162" data-original-width="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWuMElB4P8_xFQDDh-aiaETM6AuEZL3iCLsX2x4FPgb1OQCqlDQJc_XIGNoQ33U_Zcy695bnu18AGRprgAcWdC5g25wTG_-T469dx64SuaKWWkiuqsWB-OUhCrdMeRB0Vp9Ap5eZHhchCz/s0/bitter+woman.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p>As a result, people (myself included), resist anger at every turn. We resist allowing ourselves to feel angry-especially in situations where it is justified. The fear of bitterness and of hell causes us to do crazy mental gymnastics to avoid admitting to ourselves we are angry. <i><b>Chronic anger</b></i> is what we call resentment. </p><p>The dictionary says resentment is:</p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124; font-family: Roboto, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.</span></p><p>One thing about anger, resentment, and bitterness is their authenticity. Suppressing anger does not make anger change to something else. It just lingers beneath the surface, waiting for the right trigger to set it off. What's good about these emotions is that they force us to be real, to be honest...to be authentic. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Anger, resentment, and bitterness are good because they force us to be real, to be honest with ourselves, and to be authentic.</b></h3><div><br /></div><div>I'm saying that demonizing these emotions has toxic repercussions. We are human. Life is f---ed up. Things happen to us, people do us dirty, systems exploit us....churches abuse and traumatize us......</div><div><br /></div><div>But-</div><div><br /></div><div>There is a HUUUGE problem in our world. We have been brainwashed into believing that NOT being angry, bitter, or resentful is a sign of godliness and goodness. We believe that "forgiving" is the appropriate response to injustice. </div><div><br /></div><div>Even worse, "forgiveness" is hidden under the self-help concepts of personal empowerment, telling people things like, "You forgive for yourself, not for others" or "Bitterness is drinking poison hoping the other person will die". </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcNL-9WOnL3AYUWeWgJ69Q4568uHlodx2jgNdJ2PvdB6jpjlST2NeoQWpGwz-3eRwG1CeUsrWFbuaEOknoxbhwoe5YcLND14dWzzSOtl4Px07uftOCs84aqEWkh0lUi9ATqUZGX6iCFLgO/s678/Mad-Black-Woman-678x381.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="381" data-original-width="678" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcNL-9WOnL3AYUWeWgJ69Q4568uHlodx2jgNdJ2PvdB6jpjlST2NeoQWpGwz-3eRwG1CeUsrWFbuaEOknoxbhwoe5YcLND14dWzzSOtl4Px07uftOCs84aqEWkh0lUi9ATqUZGX6iCFLgO/s320/Mad-Black-Woman-678x381.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>No one's saying that holding grudges is healthy. No one is fighting to be "bitter" to where your blood pressure rises and your heart turns to stone. No one is advocating to be an old, spiteful recluse. </div><div><br /></div><div>BUT-</div><div><br /></div><div>The problem most people face is censoring their own emotions out of shaming from family members, church environments, or other social circles. As a society, anger is feared. We're afraid that a bunch of angry people will make too much ruckus. Too many "bitter" people aren't going to take injustice lying down. They're going to take action to make change. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGW8l2pQc8Yr_WbHBsBum-t01kbwKSE-FTE3rZ4L6i-AhWJZHyMwj1WHnxd-T6InrbcHlQFMomEQYhyphenhyphenpUQSx-svTapMaDcsx2575bUj3BX2_K65_9xlHTeru93QaXPHOh197TUhDLqcT1S/s1127/protesting+with+sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1127" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGW8l2pQc8Yr_WbHBsBum-t01kbwKSE-FTE3rZ4L6i-AhWJZHyMwj1WHnxd-T6InrbcHlQFMomEQYhyphenhyphenpUQSx-svTapMaDcsx2575bUj3BX2_K65_9xlHTeru93QaXPHOh197TUhDLqcT1S/s320/protesting+with+sign.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The church has played an insidious role in oppressing people's anger and "bitterness" by labeling it "sin" and guilting people into a state of self-imposed "forgiveness" without ever acknowledging they are angry and facing what made them angry to begin with. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you ask me, most "bitterness" comes from suppressing anger. We aren't allowed to be angry. Christians claim that it's okay to be angry just "in your anger do not sin".</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's be real. This is just bible scripture lip service. In reality, you aren't morally or socially permitted to be angry. You have to jump straight to "forgiveness". And in the process, this means shoving all your real emotions into the basement of your mind in an effort to bury them. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicNu81j6Ik3vkLl5fbt7jTQtyvR6m6QoF-e7gUGg4K7d3Mgh3oCdMUnczrXbV0CWSobQz68nRcK61l8liKC6NuDgQ7YleqbZaWxnX82VVTmlBDuJ4tWFbkXphQ73YsgmIqDwjP2Sio83MC/s275/hoarding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicNu81j6Ik3vkLl5fbt7jTQtyvR6m6QoF-e7gUGg4K7d3Mgh3oCdMUnczrXbV0CWSobQz68nRcK61l8liKC6NuDgQ7YleqbZaWxnX82VVTmlBDuJ4tWFbkXphQ73YsgmIqDwjP2Sio83MC/s0/hoarding.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">The whole point here is that </span><b style="text-align: left;"><u>bitterness is not the end of the world. </u></b></div></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Being bitter is not going to send you to "hell". </span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Bitter has a time and place, just like joy and peace.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">And bitter does not have to be permanent- IF you allow yourself to be human and not judge your emotions and IF you don't suppress your true feelings. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="text-align: left;">It's just an emotion --an emotional state towards a person, place, or experience.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="text-align: left;">Bitterness is a sign of resistance to being hurt, harmed, or mistreated.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="text-align: left;">But it isn't the end of the world.</span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-77515699366270869922021-06-17T20:45:00.003-04:002021-06-17T20:45:49.910-04:00Reflecting on my cult "spiritual birthday" <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-XHdPHcjZiM" width="320" youtube-src-id="-XHdPHcjZiM"></iframe></div><br /> <p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-42241229936022544542021-06-14T14:03:00.011-04:002021-06-17T20:59:00.018-04:00My Response to people who keep saying, "Be better, not bitter" <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VlIDHJkrLoGtM2zLs1nd4YA2lN13KHjxjPLZEGdXMi5LH4O0Dbap3GDSWA5HvKzpQ9F41-xIOz9YCfPmB6vgoq-h6MSH6yvJjNb3Zlw98k4ogVcDAwQndInKl7x28uyAtjAczD48pqSQ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="165" data-original-width="305" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VlIDHJkrLoGtM2zLs1nd4YA2lN13KHjxjPLZEGdXMi5LH4O0Dbap3GDSWA5HvKzpQ9F41-xIOz9YCfPmB6vgoq-h6MSH6yvJjNb3Zlw98k4ogVcDAwQndInKl7x28uyAtjAczD48pqSQ/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>A person who shall remain nameless contacted me on social media recently to complain about a cult recovery support group we are both members of. This person used subtle language and "written dog whistles" to see if I would bite. The idea, I surmised, was to get me to commiserate with them about the group. </p><p>As a veteran in this cult-survivor, spiritual journey thing, I knew exactly what was happening. This person isn't new. I've met my share of this kind of person before. And I must admit, this is one of my least favorite kinds of people. </p><p>This was the type of individual who complains about a "lack of progress" in support group settings. This kind of person joins the private Facebook group, subscribes to the You Tube Channel or even goes as far as to pay for membership on a platform like Patreon. </p><p>But this type is one who feels superior to the group. They see themselves as "progressive". They label others as being "stuck" and whine about people in the group complaining too much about the past. As this person who private messaged me, these types are indignant about "moving on" and being "better, not bitter". The way the person typed those words, the obnoxious energy jumped right off the screen at me...</p><p>I offered some pearls of wisdom in my response. I shared about the purpose of support groups. I said that the group members aren't "complaining" about the same things over and over. I explained that they were sharing their experiences with the only people in the whole world who understand. I wrote about the power of verbalizing trauma and exchanging memories, anger, bitterness, and other emotions in a safe space with others who can relate. I hoped to disarm this loaded term "bitterness" to help this person understand that emotions are not bad. I tried to illustrate how the spiritual recovery experience is a process and part of healing involves support and sharing their stories and personal struggles.</p><p>Something told me I was wasting my time, but I try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was misreading the message. Perhaps under all that perceived obnoxiousness, there was a hurting soul reaching out for connection. </p><p><i><b>Damn, was I wrong.</b></i></p><p>This person's response to me was so...this person's head was all the way up in their own @ss. As I said before, I know this type. This is the die-hard Christian church goer whose life goal after leaving the cult is to be a good christian and find a "healthy church". Their reply did not disappoint. </p><p>The person said "do you, I'll do me" in a way that meant that their "doing me" was superior to my "doing me". They said that myself and the other group members can stay "stuck in bitterness" if we want to. "As for ME" they declared, "I want to be "better, not bitter". The way all this was worded painted a picture of a person with their nose in the air talking down to me. </p><p>...Wait. It gets worse. </p><p>In my message, I explained my philosophy that life and spiritual recovery is a journey, not a destination. This individual responds with: "Well, spiritual healing IS a destination". I'm trying to be a good Christian and renew my faith, go to church, read the bible. </p><p>"I actually want to be better, not bitter" was the words stated. They were impatient with what they viewed as a lack of progress. They were the person rolling their eyes when someone posts a memory from the cult. They grit their teeth when people share their pain, anger, "bitterness" and other emotions. </p><p>This type of person exists in every group. It doesn't matter what kind of group, where the group is, and what the purpose of the group is. They are the ones who feel <i><b>talking about pain is a weakness</b></i>, that <i><b>talking about the past is a waste of time</b></i> (just get over it!). </p><p>This is the person who wants "solutions". They want to "move on" They see sharing about cult experiences (for more time than what they think it should take) makes a person "stuck".</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUGWRE_CGedntnxP8SM69kuRSJ_s_oF-AZQ84WWE0gNjgAGKNFoOPzqNy8MDJSUoRYCQqlmjYKugm7MMgwJofSUZ85o9YeTVpjOJWGqHBUgLn6CfZjFbQ4uDftrvQ4T0GWOqnud5mPgv-c/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="167" data-original-width="301" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUGWRE_CGedntnxP8SM69kuRSJ_s_oF-AZQ84WWE0gNjgAGKNFoOPzqNy8MDJSUoRYCQqlmjYKugm7MMgwJofSUZ85o9YeTVpjOJWGqHBUgLn6CfZjFbQ4uDftrvQ4T0GWOqnud5mPgv-c/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>I usually don't do this, but I cussed this person out and blocked them.</p><p>Why? Because I run a spiritual abuse platform. And someone like that doesn't need to be there. I told them to go back to church or the church cult we both come from if their destination is to read the bible and go to church. Why linger in the group and complain that it isn't about "healing"? </p><p>All this person has done is gaslight others. Time to go bye-bye.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSLgcBHFBUdBWAfJ52UzQFkpnGMU6yKS3V5W0OuEfpK0rF1eVXn4Q2UtEmkQJuAgZxyyRrB_6Xi1GwyNP2FHgnb7rafeTIY-h2Ts9f1jC-66Jy-7brm3oEFdcyuXpTTbZREYI-gfzmHBSl/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSLgcBHFBUdBWAfJ52UzQFkpnGMU6yKS3V5W0OuEfpK0rF1eVXn4Q2UtEmkQJuAgZxyyRrB_6Xi1GwyNP2FHgnb7rafeTIY-h2Ts9f1jC-66Jy-7brm3oEFdcyuXpTTbZREYI-gfzmHBSl/" width="320" /></a></div><br />You know what's annoying? When you share invaluable advice with someone and they shit all over it. They totally disregard it. It was another "tossing your pearls to swine" moment. This person proceeded [to attempt] to tear me to pieces in her response. <p></p><p>Another irritation is when a person communicates with you for the first time and knows nothing about you....and yet proceeds to make huge assumptions about who you are. This person doesn't know me. I'm a faceless person on the internet with a platform. I'm also a member of the same support group. But they know nothing of me to say that I'm "Stuck" and "bitter" just because I don't view the group the way they do.</p><p>As I told this person, I believe in <i><b>the journey</b></i>. Of who we become in the process of moving forward. People like this don't want a journey. They want a specific destination that often is familiar. They aren't interested in evolving nor are they interested in existential exploration. For them, there's a small window for all the empathy and crying stuff. Suck it up, buttercup! It's time to move on.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpX0fPE-dBYe2lFJ981rEKhTyvycdNfBJ-hTkIPxD1jhJr-KdhpPytfWCuQ0WAn-8v6PeqxCD8f8Q54xWk0XnwnYMiyu-zGMA_31x3OxmD2h3VBZHGdS6I4CZq7HEYB1J3VopEK50g-ad/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="512" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpX0fPE-dBYe2lFJ981rEKhTyvycdNfBJ-hTkIPxD1jhJr-KdhpPytfWCuQ0WAn-8v6PeqxCD8f8Q54xWk0XnwnYMiyu-zGMA_31x3OxmD2h3VBZHGdS6I4CZq7HEYB1J3VopEK50g-ad/w381-h240/image.png" width="381" /></a>I believe in the power of moving on. But moving on doesn't look like "sucking it up" or putting a bow on it and calling it "forgiveness". Moving on, to me, looks like being real, being authentic. There are days where you take ten steps forward and then others where you take 20 steps back. I have been gone from the cult I was part of for over 15 years now. And still things come up that are related to my experience there. That' s why healing from spiritual abuse is a journey. </p><p>People like this want to LEAP OVER the healing part, the ups and downs, the tears, the darkness, the pain, the joys, the laughs, the victories and setbacks and JUMP STRAIGHT into being "healed" once and for all. </p><p>.....As if there is such a thing. Only in the ego.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakdgVmXwrzN7K_SQXefI_ll3JPeAjhyUwro50UPbSLgDOJc1EwLxGGw5WudYXzSAofwECTLCI2FHLaj-_EkZqIdQyOmaJlUYXx7W_L6W25Z-lUp0T_N9DzOhzYi3UMCG1ilqvbuL5e3VH/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjakdgVmXwrzN7K_SQXefI_ll3JPeAjhyUwro50UPbSLgDOJc1EwLxGGw5WudYXzSAofwECTLCI2FHLaj-_EkZqIdQyOmaJlUYXx7W_L6W25Z-lUp0T_N9DzOhzYi3UMCG1ilqvbuL5e3VH/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>The ego wants to be "Strong", to be invincible. Ego wants to scrap any weakness and vulnerability and skip to the part where you're "all better now". Ego sees empathy as a waste of energy. Empathy slows down progress in their eyes. Just get over it, huh?</p><p>In reality, being "healed" is a process. It isn't a fixed position. Life doesn't work that way. Healing isn't a point A to Point B event. Healing is the journey in between: The lessons learned, the growth, the internal fortitude, and learning to be a whole person. </p><p>So, for my friends who keep complaining about wanting "solutions", here are some SOUL-lutions for ya:</p><p><b>Solution #1</b>: Leave the cult or spiritually abusive situation</p><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Solution #2:</b> <span style="font-weight: normal;">Educate yourself on cults and spiritual abuse to understand what happened to you and so you won't fall victim to another kind of cult in the future</span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Solution #3: </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Learn what boundaries are. Put boundaries in place to guide your life and protect yourself from abuse.</span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b><b>Solution #4: </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Engage in personal development and personal growth. This includes introspection, self-reflection, honesty, and integrity.</span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b><b>Solution #5: </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Disengage from previous belief systems and take the time to assess what you really believe and why. Then, once you feel ready, begin constructing your own belief system that resonates with you.</span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b><b>Solution #6: </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Begin building a new support system. This can include new, healthy friendships, romantic relationships, and mental health support (therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or life coach).</span></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b><b>Solution #7: </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">Develop a new life plan. Disavow from the cult and religious concept of "God's plan for you". What do YOU want? What are you interested in? What kind of life do you see for yourself in alignment with your current situation? For example, if you are permanently in a wheelchair, then being an NBA player is not a reasonable plan. </span></h4><p>If you haven't already, check out my:</p><p><b>Spiritual abuse FB page: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/spiritualabusehealing4life">https://www.facebook.com/spiritualabusehealing4life</a></b></p><p><b>Spiritual abuse You Tube channel: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb5v58ROZ80">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb5v58ROZ80</a></b></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-24439227529013178102021-06-14T01:05:00.005-04:002021-06-14T01:05:37.208-04:00Spiritual Healing is a Journey, not a Destination<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIU-3jrlEAhUsExYssiEscHV-GiDupZ9s5BogkDEaSMxOBR5OrbTq22K3kq7iZRZG45UVVwYjmneNFe3V39OQVy_efnRCiiO6fsTSpMUExhUmXyM39WKPD034fTX0mfgmG0sIIXnwCsSVz/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIU-3jrlEAhUsExYssiEscHV-GiDupZ9s5BogkDEaSMxOBR5OrbTq22K3kq7iZRZG45UVVwYjmneNFe3V39OQVy_efnRCiiO6fsTSpMUExhUmXyM39WKPD034fTX0mfgmG0sIIXnwCsSVz/w532-h400/image.png" width="532" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-16121811181290265412021-05-20T16:50:00.003-04:002021-05-20T18:51:22.410-04:00How the ICOC brainwashes people<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXmsr8EbGmVBp8k9wiiUieeM0lgoc9M824Iq8MXhiCDJIe6Gi0BID3kZcgQ6aZomHQtsRlduu3bWRTkwI6RM9QrEA4MVAOhr4-m9pLnE2K2uZ7R9S5W8b-Bm-rwNoagFJXigv2rUuYVKUZ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXmsr8EbGmVBp8k9wiiUieeM0lgoc9M824Iq8MXhiCDJIe6Gi0BID3kZcgQ6aZomHQtsRlduu3bWRTkwI6RM9QrEA4MVAOhr4-m9pLnE2K2uZ7R9S5W8b-Bm-rwNoagFJXigv2rUuYVKUZ/" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Mind control is real. Brainwashing is real. It isn't science fiction. It also isn't just an "excuse" for regrettable behavior. <p></p><p><b>MIND CONTROL IS REAL. BRAINWASHING IS REAL.</b></p><p>Brainwashing means being "under the influence". </p><p><i><b>Under the influence of what? </b></i></p><p>Under the influence of an ideology, a charismatic leader, or a persuasive narcissistic person. </p><p>Another term for brainwashing is <i><b>mind control</b></i>.</p><p>I know that one of the hardest things to do is to admit that you've been "under the influence" of another person, of a religion, or a group. We kick ourselves for being "dumb", "gullible", a "fool". </p><p>"Why did I let myself fall for this?" is a common question we ask ourselves. </p><p>Other times the people in our lives are asking these questions of us, which is devastating. </p><p>I've been there. </p><p>If you're new to this blog, I was a member of a church cult named the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCYOv5CQqpw" target="_blank">International Church of Christ or ICOC</a> for almost 12 years. After finally getting out, the following years have been me processing my own experiences in the ICOC - one of which is how I was brainwashed by the church during the indoctrination process of the ICOC's first principles bible studies. </p><p>Brainwashing, or mind control, is fascinating from an intellectual viewpoint, yet it is embarrassing from a personal perspective, especially when YOU are the one who was the victim.</p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">We shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed. This discussion is meant to debunk the idea that brainwashing is an exaggerated term that only exists in science fiction movies</span>.</p><p>Here is what I identify as the key aspects of what is called "brainwashing":</p><p><b>The first aspect of brainwashing is vulnerability.</b> One has to be vulnerable to be brainwashed. Brainwashing takes hold only when a person has a weakness that can be exploited. For example, a person is vulnerable when they are in a major life transition, such as moving to a new city, going away to college for the first time, having a baby, having a near-death experience, divorce, being homeless, being estranged from family, having a debilitating illness, etc. </p><p>These types of life experiences are the most common for people being recruited into a cult and indoctrinated. I, myself, was recruited as a college freshman away from home in a new city. I was chronically disabled and struggling in school. As a result, I was severely depressed. This weakness trifecta opened a door to hearing rhetoric that was not in my best interest. </p><p>Let's face it: would you have accepted that church invitation if you weren't vulnerable? Would you have said yes to attending that bible study? Gone to that bible talk? </p><p>Maybe, maybe not. Just take a moment and think about what you were going through in life when someone "reached out" to you. </p><p>As an ICOC disciple, I mastered the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSf5ib-mCDI&t=977s" target="_blank">techniques of evangelism</a>. Trained by the leadership, I zealously recruited many, from roommates to friends to family members to strangers standing ahead of me in line at the grocery store. </p><p>So I know that brainwashing doesn't happen by chance. A free thinking individual must be groomed. They must be taken through a series of steps or phases to mold them into a member of a cult. ICOC members are called "disciples". As I said in one of my you tube videos on the subject, "a disciple is made, not born". </p><p>Now, of course I, as a cult member, didn't know 1) I was in a cult and 2) I was brainwashing/grooming people.</p><p>That's the crazy thing about brainwashing: you don't know you're brainwashed, so you actually think you are helping other people who you are also inflicting mind control over. </p><p>I really was convinced that I was saving people's souls by recruiting them to come to an ICOC event or agree to a bible study. </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">They say hurt people hurt people. Well, brainwashed people brainwash people. </h4><p>The second aspect of brainwashing is trauma-based mind control. Be clear on this: indoctrination all has some degree of trauma. </p><p>Brainwashing always consists of some level of trauma.</p><p><b>First, your vulnerability opens the door to brainwashing</b>. Then, once you are open to the indoctrination, the way they make it stick is to induce trauma on you to embed the programming. Trauma ingrains any programming. This is a psychological fact. </p><p>Think about the day, September 11th. Everyone remembers where they were the moment they saw the twin towers hit by the first plane. That moment is embedded in your individual and collective memory: where you were, how you felt, the smells, weather, clothes you were wearing, the people's response around you, the energy in the room....all these years later and I still can recall it like it was yesterday. That's what trauma does. </p><p>A traumatic event is like capturing a moment with the flick of a camera. Our brains take a "snapshot" of all information when trauma is inflicted. That's one explanation of why we remember bad events more than good ones.</p><p>To hammer this point home, studies show that it takes 17 positive reinforcement statements to neutralize one negative statement. You know you can hear 100 positive compliments but you focus on the one or two negatives. Think of a Facebook or Instagram page that gets 100 likes and 2 dislikes. You have to fight the intense, almost irresistible urge not to obsess over the dislikes which pale in comparison to the overwhelming positive feedback.</p><p>This is how our brains work. A trauma is like the trojan horse for the brainwashing. Trauma disables your natural boundaries which allows the cult ideology to break into -and take over - your mind. </p><p>When I was going through the <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-lies-of-icoc-and-icc.html#more" target="_blank">ICOC indoctrination brainwashing studies</a>, trauma was inflicted by the people studying with me. I talk about one of these traumas in my article on spiritual rape. </p><p>I posted a poll on my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfD0U-HjMhMlIvKZEyMdApA/community" target="_blank">you tube community page </a>asking members which of the ICOC bible studies was most traumatic. The majority answered that the <b>Sin and Repentance study</b> was most traumatizing. If you are not a member of the ICOC, the Sin & Repentance study is a bible indoctrination study where the "student" is given a list of bible scriptures to look up prior to the study as "homework". These scriptures are on "sin". For each sin listed, the "student" must write down if they ever committed that sin. During the study, the non-ICOC member is asked explicitly to describe -in detail- each sin they ever committed. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyD7NzLmfQhQrCxauuZiYTBJqjzc4j0cYV7JbhhhrYqP5_WDNrzwHuW0bEp0xdKP4kUL2MZsyq_L-GudpvMG_Ox5nM0d55rsDSaIw3ch37mtVafWqHKxPYtebd6tFq4oiZMn3xPgKMUVZ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyD7NzLmfQhQrCxauuZiYTBJqjzc4j0cYV7JbhhhrYqP5_WDNrzwHuW0bEp0xdKP4kUL2MZsyq_L-GudpvMG_Ox5nM0d55rsDSaIw3ch37mtVafWqHKxPYtebd6tFq4oiZMn3xPgKMUVZ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh54sbo4r3MwsGxkDv4_q_AUzhRjJYEXUT4AGQZiWLt_qnpRZOM2UDB474BLN8iryMiv7Wv0rAEVz3YpW30wmnjMxNqAzJLxWCTaNzx22ERdgMbRicwyf6weANsINWhZrAtgc-L0BMDr769/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="299" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh54sbo4r3MwsGxkDv4_q_AUzhRjJYEXUT4AGQZiWLt_qnpRZOM2UDB474BLN8iryMiv7Wv0rAEVz3YpW30wmnjMxNqAzJLxWCTaNzx22ERdgMbRicwyf6weANsINWhZrAtgc-L0BMDr769/w400-h225/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div><br />So, it looks like this: One of the "sin scriptures" used is Galatians 5:19-21. This "sin list" includes "overt" sins like sexual immorality, impurity, and the like. The ICOC members ask "Have you ever been sexually immoral?" You say, "Yes". They ask you when, with who, how, what, etc. The objective is for you to confess all your sins from when you were old enough to know right from wrong in order to "be healed" and bring everything in the dark into the light.<p></p><p>This is why so many people said that the ICOC <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSJ4B2sd8DM" target="_blank">Sin and Repentance study</a> is so traumatizing. You've got the fact that you are forced to share the most private, vulnerable aspects of your life with two or more strangers who don't know you or care about you. You've got the "godly" pressure to confess using the bible, i.e. if you don't confess your sins you can't be "saved" and will thus go to hell. </p><p><b>Forced vulnerability is part of trauma-based mind control</b>. Opening up to strangers leaves you open mentally, spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally. It gives them the power to make you right with God, the power to make you clean, to make you whole. They mock Catholicism and call it false doctrine, but turn around and demand you confess all your sins to them unless you can't be right with God. Sounds like Catholic confession with a priest to me.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxA1Iqp40m4oseRDiL2HV_olFeeDCLAQhlHsG70u_SDj7HZhLFDJguLCh7DQx72dWTR-K7Ytx0rX6WsvgsOUcVE2B57TpVpm9_umkwU-NhDQsLFSQARz-EnhyphenhyphenvdpZdFa4dgm4f4KdGXiC/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="681" data-original-width="1024" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxA1Iqp40m4oseRDiL2HV_olFeeDCLAQhlHsG70u_SDj7HZhLFDJguLCh7DQx72dWTR-K7Ytx0rX6WsvgsOUcVE2B57TpVpm9_umkwU-NhDQsLFSQARz-EnhyphenhyphenvdpZdFa4dgm4f4KdGXiC/w400-h266/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />When you are coerced to do something you don't want to do and wouldn't do under natural circumstances, something that violates your personal boundaries, trauma is induced. <div><br /></div><div>Once these people, such as in the ICOC Sin and Repentance study, know all your "dirty laundry", a trauma bond is created masking itself as intimacy, relationship, or even righteousness. I felt so much relief after confessing my most embarrassing "sin" that I'd never told anyone, I thought that sense of relief was actually redemption. I reconciled this abuse internally with the idea that, "No pain, no gain if you want something worthwhile".</div><div><br /></div><div>...right?<div><br /></div><div>Cults like the ICOC claim to offer "something worthwhile", i.e. spiritual salvation with God. Being raised on a steady diet of fear of hell in Catholic church, I was convinced that this offer by the ICOC was worth the trauma. <p></p><p>Also important: <b>If you have childhood trauma, the ICOC [and similar cults] effectively trigger the pain points </b>that psychologically morph you into the child who was traumatized. Once that occurs, we're open to more abuse and mistreatment. Our defenses are neutralized. That little girl or boy endures the indoctrination studies in hopes (subconsciously) of being accepted and loved. </p><p><b>The ICOC does a great job of love-bombing you just enough to keep you doing the bible studies and attending church functions while withholding the overt brotherly or sisterly affection they display openly to one another in front of you.</b> </p><p>This deliberately gaslights you, letting you know that you are NOT one of them (yet). More hoops still need to be jumped through. You have to prove yourself, still. They "breadcrumb" non-members through the indoctrination process, so you don't know what the end game is, nor do you know what exactly you have to do to be considered one of them. So you stick around, waiting to be told what you have to do next. </p><p>This is just a snapshot of how the ICOC brainwashes people. It goes after your vulnerabilities and exploits them. It dangles a carrot of salvation in front of you once it convinces you that you are not saved and destined for hell. They break you down until you believe you are nothing, calling this act of trauma "humility" or "having a soft heart" or a "teachable spirit". </p><h4 style="text-align: left;">But what convinces a person to hand over their power to complete strangers? What makes someone believe that a group knows the answers they are looking for?</h4><p>Part of it, I think, is <b>a lack of knowledge</b>. We only know what we know at the time. In the case of the ICOC, you may not be versed in the bible. I wasn't, which is why I was so interested when the girl who recruited me asked me to do a personal bible study. I didn't have any knowledge base of scriptural interpretation to compare their interpretation of the bible with. </p><p>Another part of this is as I mentioned in the beginning: we are vulnerable. Life transitions and circumstances make us open to things we would normally dismiss or question critically. </p><p><b>Also, life is freaking hard! Period.</b> We so want answers to make us feel better, to comfort us, to give us answers to life's complex, uneasy questions. Cults offer such compact, easy to digest simplicities to these uncertainties. You offer me certainty in a world of uncertainty, I just might bypass all critical thinking and internal resistance to feel a sense of peace and hope. </p><p><b>Low self esteem and unactualized personal identity and purpose are also weaknesses that the ICOC (Cults) use against us.</b> Individuals who have a healthy sense of self esteem and self worth most likely are immune from brainwashing tactics. (Unless the person is convinced by the ICOC (cult) to doubt their self worth). Some of you reading this may have had a good life with self esteem up until being recruited into the ICOC [or other cult] but that's why they break you down so they can build you back up. One way they use this is through the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fn6Q-CVmrs" target="_blank">ICOC Denominations study</a>. Recruits who are secure in their christian identity from their upbringing are pressured and traumatized using the bible and ICOC brainwashing tactics to convince him or her that they are not "saved" and that their current relationship with God is non-existent, and is based on "false doctrine". </p><p><b>The ICOC's modus operandi is to break your self esteem down</b>. They call a person with self esteem "prideful". A person who knows who they are and who already has defined their beliefs for themselves has critical questions to dogmatic teachings, such as the ICOC's Kingdom Study, where they teach that the ICOC = God's Kingdom = church = saved. pushing back against this ideology makes you an enemy to the ICOC members. They withdraw affection from you until you conform to their beliefs. </p><p><b>A person who has formed their identity can't be shaped, molded, and groomed into a cult like the ICOC</b>. Many of us, myself included, were young when we were targeted for recruitment. Young people haven't developed their identity yet. They're ideological vacuums to whoever gets to them first or to whoever offers the most enticing bait. I was almost recruited into a sorority before the ICOC. The ICOC offered something the sorority did not: hope. A life purpose. Inner peace. </p><p><b>Brainwashing requires an echo chamber of ideas</b>. That's why the ICOC -and all cults- work hard to isolate you from outsiders. The ICOC persuades single converts to move in with other members, in "kingdom households" to keep the echo chamber going nonstop. They instill fear of having non-disciple friends and from going home to visit family, as they can pull you away from God, supposedly. If possible, they break up dating couples who begin the bible study process. Sometimes they can get a member married to a non-disciple to leave them and become a single in the church, eventually matching with another ICOC disciple. </p><p>This isolation of members is done to keep the person from being influenced by outsiders, what the ICOC labels as "the world". This "world" is seen as the enemy to the ICOC's mission and ideology. Once you've been inoculated from any opposing information, any criticism becomes "bitterness" or "persecution". </p><p>Look at this video:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/c2JvRXepTGg" width="320" youtube-src-id="c2JvRXepTGg"></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>The eyes of these church members are literally glazed over. They all act the same. They say the same words and phrases. I titled it, "Meet the ICC's future fallaways" because of the church's high turnover rate. I estimate that at the time I published the video half the people in the video would have left the church. The brutal church culture burns people out relatively fast. The brainwashing/mind control cracks under the pressure to constantly perform and denigrate themselves. Each individual has different breaking points. </p><p><b>The ICOC brainwashes targeted individuals through all of these techniques.</b> It isn't your fault. It isn't mine. No one warned us about these kinds of threats. I never had a conversation with an adult about how to watch out for churches and cult groups recruiting on college campuses. This is why I am motivated to speak publicly about my own brainwashing experiences. It is embarrassing. I'm not excited about my identity being associated with being a cult victim. This is why breaking down cult stigmas is so important. </p><p>Brainwashing is real. Mind control is real. Studies have been done. The <a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/milgram.html#:~:text=The%20Milgram%20experiment%20was%20carried,%25%20in%20the%20original%20study)." target="_blank">Milgram experiment </a>is a famous experiment to see how easily ordinary people could be influenced into committing atrocities by the influence of an authority figure. Individuals participating were asked to pull a lever to electrocute a subject on the other side of a wall. Many people complied under orders. If they hesitated or pushed back, they were further prodded that "this experiment requires you to continue". </p><p>We're raised in a society where we are ingrained with being an order follower. This begins with parents, then with school, and later in the workforce. It also occurs in our religious institutions. As social creatures who are tribal, we humans desire to be part of a group that accepts us, relates with us and supports us. </p><p>All these factors contribute to brainwashing. We underestimate the power of being put on the spot to conform. The pressure is demanding an immediate response, which disallows for time to critically think and respond. Most of us are taken aback and are jarred mentally. It takes us off balance, which makes us vulnerable to brainwashing, trauma-based mind control. </p><p>Don't blame people-or yourself- for being "stupid" or "gullible" or "dumb". Brainwashing is real. Your thought patterns can be interrupted and imprinted on by someone else. Ideology is a feedback loop that keeps the person's mind trapped until something jars it loose. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd7EyqDgONg2ieUQaTSHTDtrjHj283UL2x5IfdsLR4rC02vUzMUGy2j64KHjVoaifPa3u0TbsHqddI-WpLeVWZz3GPmiRo2273k78t5syO8PpVrK7nn5VlYBpiFDx5Hc_6ui3mp5Wit7VU/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="504" data-original-width="639" height="506" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd7EyqDgONg2ieUQaTSHTDtrjHj283UL2x5IfdsLR4rC02vUzMUGy2j64KHjVoaifPa3u0TbsHqddI-WpLeVWZz3GPmiRo2273k78t5syO8PpVrK7nn5VlYBpiFDx5Hc_6ui3mp5Wit7VU/w640-h506/image.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Resources</h4><p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfD0U-HjMhMlIvKZEyMdApA/videos" target="_blank">ICOC ex-member you tube channel</a></p><p><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-lies-of-icoc-and-icc.html#more" target="_blank">ICOC first principle bible studies exposed</a></p><p><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/04/what-is-spiritual-rape-are-you-victim.html#more" target="_blank">My experience with ICOC trauma based mind control</a></p><p><a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/spiritual-abuse-lovebombingwithholding.html" target="_blank">ICOC lovebombing and emotional manipulation</a></p><p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSJ4B2sd8DM" target="_blank">ICOC Sin & Repentance Study, deconstructed</a> </p><p><a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/milgram.html#:~:text=The%20Milgram%20experiment%20was%20carried,%25%20in%20the%20original%20study)." target="_blank">The Milgram Experiment</a></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Mental Health resources</h4><p><a href="https://www.icsahome.com/support/mental-health" target="_blank">International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)</a></p><p><a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/" target="_blank">Betterhelp</a></p></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-30398802823399148162021-04-13T06:06:00.000-04:002021-04-13T06:06:02.723-04:00What is spiritual rape? Are you a victim of spiritual rape?<p>As a member of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-IJi_0lNN4&t=93s" target="_blank">International Church of Christ (ICOC) cult</a> for almost 12 years, I was a victim of spiritual rape. It can sound like a taboo term, but it makes sense when understanding what rape means. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjka9BOuRS9lEmO_Qhsrr8ANH2A_l2uaqSVUaFKdeHhCHh1HrGQO-1tY7TGP2mIS_JyuQ21cZaLjWPIVQ24_l7hkDRImuoXdSeHLuoPZU834uhXX-f58iHNt-oBYFbOkGmuEA-wMl5NXm/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRjka9BOuRS9lEmO_Qhsrr8ANH2A_l2uaqSVUaFKdeHhCHh1HrGQO-1tY7TGP2mIS_JyuQ21cZaLjWPIVQ24_l7hkDRImuoXdSeHLuoPZU834uhXX-f58iHNt-oBYFbOkGmuEA-wMl5NXm/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Rape is not limited to sex. Rape is about power.</p><div class="row vg-header" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; display: flex; flex-wrap: wrap; font-family: Lato, "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: no-common-ligatures; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 18px -15px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="col" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; flex-basis: 0px; flex-grow: 1; font: inherit; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; min-height: 1px; padding: 0px 15px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; width: 760px;"><h2 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #265667; display: inline; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.3px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Definition of <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rape</em></h2><p class="entryNumbers" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #265667; display: inline; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: 0.3px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </p></div></div><div class="vg" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #212529; font-family: Lato, "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: no-common-ligatures; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="sb has-num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 25px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 33px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sb-0" face=""Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="sense has-num-only" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sn sense-1" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; left: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1</span></span><span class="dt" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #303336; display: inline; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="dtText" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="mw_t_bc" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bolder; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">: </span>unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception<span class="dx-jump" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 7px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">— compare <a class="mw_t_dxt" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sexual%20assault" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; background-image: linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(151, 190, 206) 100%, transparent 0px); background-position: 0px 1.15em; background-repeat: repeat-x; background-size: 3px 1px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #265667; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="text-uppercase" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">SEXUAL ASSAULT</span></a>, <a class="mw_t_dxt" href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/statutory%20rape" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; background-image: linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(151, 190, 206) 100%, transparent 0px); background-position: 0px 1.15em; background-repeat: repeat-x; background-size: 3px 1px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #265667; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="text-uppercase" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">STATUTORY RAPE</span></a></span></span></span></div></span></div><div class="sb has-num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 25px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 33px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sb-0" face=""Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="sense has-num-only" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sn sense-2" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; left: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2</span></span><span class="dt" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #303336; display: inline; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="dtText" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="mw_t_bc" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bolder; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">: </span>an outrageous violation</span></span></div></span></div><div class="sb has-num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 33px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sb-0" face=""Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="sense has-num-only" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="sn sense-3" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="num" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; left: 0px; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3</span></span><span class="dt" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #303336; display: inline; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="dtText" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0.2px; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="mw_t_bc" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: bolder; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">: </span>an act or instance of robbing or despoiling or carrying away a person by force</span></span></div></span></div></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><p>*courtesy of merrium webster dictionary</p><p><br /></p><p>As we can see, rape <b><i>is</i></b> sexual assault, but, as seen in definition #2, it is also an outrageous violation. </p><p>Spiritual rape is just that: an outrageous violation. It is an act of force upon another person. It is taking from someone using force, coercion or manipulation. </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Spiritual rape is an outrageous violation. It is an assault, an act of force upon another person. It is taking from someone using force, coercion or manipulation. </h2><div>When I was recruited into the ICOC cult, the indoctrination method was a series of bible lessons called the <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/2021/03/the-lies-of-icoc-and-icc.html" target="_blank">first principle studies</a>. One traumatic memory occurred during what they call the "Counting the Costs" study. The women's leader, along with two other ICOC female members, sat opposite me in a posture of intimidation. One of the women, "Delores" [my math tutor], was the one who recruited me and led many of my bible studies. "Connie" was the other college student who led some of my studies as well. They had brought me to meet with the women's leader of their ministry. The way it was handled, I felt like I was meeting a celebrity or the Wizard of Oz.</div><div><br /></div><div>This woman's leader grilled me about the previous bible lessons I'd done to determine my allegiance to the ideologies introduced in each individual study. For example, I was asked to recap the "Word Study" and then was asked if I believed the bible is the 100% inspired word of God and if I read my bible every day. </div><div><br /></div><div>This "counting the costs study" was not a physical assault. It was purely psychological and spiritual. Being violated in this way runs even deeper than physical assault, and let me explain why:</div><div><br /></div><div>Physical harm is, first of all, psychological, so this isn't to minimize physical/sexual forms of abuse. Spiritual abuse runs deeper because the wounds run deeper. If I smack you, the bruise can heal. If I verbally smack you, the bruise on your soul may never heal. The most potent trauma doesn't leave visible marks. It follows you everywhere you go. It haunts your dreams at night. It hits you with flashbacks out of nowhere. It affects how you see yourself, how you see the world, and worse still, how you see God/spirituality. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">The most potent trauma doesn't leave visible marks. The wounds run deeper. It follows you everywhere you go.</h3><div><br /></div><div>So, back to the "counting the cost" event that became spiritual rape. </div><div><br /></div><div>After I reviewed all the previous bible studies the women's leader asked me if I had completed the "homework" of writing a letter to God. "Delores" told me the day before to write a <b>personal letter to God </b>to express my relationship with "him". She assured me that this letter was private - explicitly meaning the letter's content was just between me and God. This letter was supposed to be a milestone of my spiritual evolution to show my heart was "sold out" to God and that I was ready to be baptized. </div><div><br /></div><div><i><b>Note: Baptism was the final step of the ICOC bible studies. This water baptism was viewed as the literal point of salvation and entrance into "God's kingdom" which, according to them, was the ICOC church. </b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>Well, imagine my shock when the woman's leader instructed me to read my letter to God ALOUD. </div><div><br /></div><div>I looked at "Delores", who sat beside the woman's leader across from me, stone-faced. "Delores" was the one who told me that my letter was private. She had deceived me. She lured me in with her fake trustworthiness. As I sat there, I searched her face for signs of objection to the women's leader's request. But she did not come to my defense. She moved behind the women's leader and joined the other women in staring me down in an intimidating manner. </div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">Rape: Isolating the victim</h3><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbLcQ4ThFyNPvdHQY0afW-WSScPeK0BPLtByLmG67JLXrUknbhdkSiLedjlb8Yky1taRyYq_O4bTTvDAtqWuIoEjq42eRxdQFj_pws0EGeCKIX1TWnNJceX4smrNSz85Ceb59fAWkN3br/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="145" data-original-width="348" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbLcQ4ThFyNPvdHQY0afW-WSScPeK0BPLtByLmG67JLXrUknbhdkSiLedjlb8Yky1taRyYq_O4bTTvDAtqWuIoEjq42eRxdQFj_pws0EGeCKIX1TWnNJceX4smrNSz85Ceb59fAWkN3br/w400-h166/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><br />Another element of rape is <i><b>isolating the victim</b></i>. In my situation, I was at the mercy of the girls who brought me to the house of their women's ministry leader. It was a 2 -and -a- half-hour drive to a place I had never been before to meet with a woman who I'd never met before. We were sitting in her basement with her young son playing upstairs. "Delores" had a car and had driven me there, leaving me totally dependent on her to bring me back home to campus. [I was a college freshman living in the dorm at the time]. The house we were at was way out in the suburbs with no public transportation. Cell phones weren't a thing back then to call for a taxi or for help. Needless to say, "Delores" had the upper hand and the 18- year- old version of me felt very trapped and intimidated. </div><div><br /></div><div>The next few minutes [or what felt like an hour] consisted of a back- and- forth between me and the women's leader. At first I objected to reading the letter. I explained to the woman's leader that "Delores" assured me that the letter to God was private. My "walk with God" was in its infancy and was very fragile. That letter to God was so personal for me. I had written the letter earnestly, thinking no one would ever hear these words. </div><div><br /></div><div>The women's leader, "Francis", turned dark. It was as if a flip had switched in her brain. The nice lady with the blond curly hair and the twinkling blue eyes who offered me a cold glass of freshly-squeezed lemonade upstairs in her kitchen suddenly morphed into the woman interrogator from "the Closer". She asked me if I had anything to hide. I said I didn't, but it was MY personal letter. This only made it worse. She pressed on and on, becoming colder and harsher. I began sweating and my soul began to crack. </div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, I broke. I pulled out the letter and sat there, staring at my hands, trembling. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was told that if I didn't read the letter, I would not be "ready" to get baptized. If I refused to cooperate with her demands, I couldn't enter "God's kingdom". And the ICOC cult was "the kingdom". And if I couldn't enter "God's kingdom", then I couldn't have a relationship with God and be saved [according to the bible studies]. The eternal flames of hell were awaiting me.... </div><div><br /></div><div>As I internally wrestled with this deepest of dilemmas, the three women's eyes all burned holes through me. I wanted to say no, to scream, to throw the bible at them, to jump up and run up the stairs and out of the house. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I didn't. I was scared. I felt paralyzed. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuodrhq7ESA2x3J1G2zcdqZl5y2d0leukwlXrx_03Yzi5UTW0HJLD3DSjrcanOUwJTe4XyuPxfeHCEfgnzy0zgGS1iX7s5O66sFL5_0-eFLaHHgKt-vKz7F_p-05haGA_DJrIoIk6GS0IZ/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="192" data-original-width="262" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuodrhq7ESA2x3J1G2zcdqZl5y2d0leukwlXrx_03Yzi5UTW0HJLD3DSjrcanOUwJTe4XyuPxfeHCEfgnzy0zgGS1iX7s5O66sFL5_0-eFLaHHgKt-vKz7F_p-05haGA_DJrIoIk6GS0IZ/" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><div>I had reached the end of the bible indoctrination studies. This was the last step. I had come too far and sacrificed too much to turn back now. At this point, the brainwashing had already embedded itself and the roots had already taken hold in my psyche. I believed that this church was the so-called kingdom of God and they held the key to my salvation. They appeared to know God and I had spent the past 3 months learning from them what that means....</div><div><br /></div><div>I felt there was no way over this. I had to just power through it. I unfolded the letter and, voice trembling, I began reading.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can only attempt to explain what this felt like. It felt like my soul was being raped. It felt like I was kidnapped, taken to an unfamiliar location, and told to strip down naked before three strangers. Such a breach of privacy [what I understand today to be boundaries] had stripped me naked before these women by means of coercion, intimidation, and manipulation. This may sound strange, but this act felt like I was forced to have sex -in a spiritual sense- against my will.</div><div><br /></div><div>After this forced act of intimacy was done, I felt cheap, dirty, compromised, used. Kind of like after being raped, when the person acts disgusted with you. These women listened to my most precious words with what seemed to be a mix of judgment, scrutiny, boredom, and dissatisfaction. They treated me with disdain after the most intimate of acts.</div><div><br /></div><div>This memory still cuts. It hurts. Not as much anymore, but it is one that I will never forget. </div><div><br /></div><div>Rape does that to you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Spiritual rape is also when someone is sexually raped and the rapist uses manipulation [such as bible scriptures] to justify the act or blame the victim. The rape victim may be told to "forgive" and give it to God. The rapist [and the rapist's accomplices, if any] may try and convince the victim that "everything happens for a reason". There are many ways that rape is a form of spiritual abuse. </div><div><br /></div><div>If you've experienced spiritual rape, in whatever form, know that you aren't alone. You aren't making this up in your head. It isn't a twisted memory. And it is not your fault. No one deserves to be spiritually raped. Having a piece of your soul taken is not easy to describe in words. It isn't easy to articulate what it's like to be spiritually violated. The sacred part of us as human beings has been stripped bare, manipulated, and coerced to do what we did not want to do. Guilt, shame, manipulation, and isolation are used to pressure us, to force us to comply against our will. </div><div><br /></div><div>Blaming ourselves is not productive. I could blame myself for not jumping up and walking out when asked to read my letter to God. I could have said no and refused. But hindsight is always 20/20. We only know what we know at the time. Of course, the person I am now would never tolerate such a thing. The person I am today as a middle-aged adult would never even be driving all over the state with my math tutor. That's the thing: "Delores" abused her authority as my math tutor to recruit me. She abused the implicit trust I had in her. </div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;">So, the moral of the story is not to be so harsh with yourself. Christians talk alot about grace, but here is where grace really counts: having grace with your former self. </h4><div><br /></div><div><u>Don't blame yourself, understand yourself</u>.</div><div><br /></div><div>And finally, seek a safe place to recover, be that with a licensed therapist, a psychologist, or other mental health professional or with a safe support group or other people who you can trust. If you can, do all of the above. Keep reading and learning about what you've been through, too. Knowing is half the battle. </div><div><br /></div><div>Wishing you much healing and recovery and peace in your mind, soul, heart, and spirit.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you need to reach out, go to my <a href="https://hopeafterreligion.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.html" target="_blank">contact page</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-57495267024068292242021-04-12T02:08:00.004-04:002021-04-12T02:08:57.996-04:00Insensitivity to Spiritual Abuse<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HMO8Ihyphenhyphend14K-g93iWc9oqkUkekaLWK7cGwr52blTaz1KK_HhcCaF5VVC82OwzeDGD-k-fFg4IVshn1CDPZL_BgJiEBw0Cu1pN55nV2kQ7ka2mSCtCBgowy49j9iZ5fh0BpvD1T-md9BR/s285/empathy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="177" data-original-width="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_HMO8Ihyphenhyphend14K-g93iWc9oqkUkekaLWK7cGwr52blTaz1KK_HhcCaF5VVC82OwzeDGD-k-fFg4IVshn1CDPZL_BgJiEBw0Cu1pN55nV2kQ7ka2mSCtCBgowy49j9iZ5fh0BpvD1T-md9BR/s0/empathy.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p>I came across a post on social media from a member of a cult recovery and support group. This person wrote the following:</p><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;"></div></div><blockquote><div class="kvgmc6g5 cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"It is important to remember to not blame the ICoC for ALL of your problems. Your personal and inner problems originated with you before you entered. You won’t heal unless you realize this. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Make no mistake the ICoC made all of your problems WORSE. Much of it came as they implied that those problems weren’t important-just focus on all “this” instead."</div></div></blockquote>I agree with this statement. I also think the person lacked a sense of awareness of who they were talking to. The audience in this group are survivors of spiritual abuse from a particular church cult [the ICOC]. <br /><br />Many in the comment section were triggered. I understand why. Saying "not to blame the ICOC for all of your problems" is triggering. I told the author of this post they could have said this better. And I stand by that. <br /><br /><br />I shall explain.<br /><br /><br />This "blame" statement infers that people ARE blaming the ICOC for all of their problems. And that is not true. Most cult survivors struggle with blaming themselves, not the cult. They internalize their trauma, not finger-point. It takes content like mine on spiritual abuse to help people stop beating themselves up and suffering in shame and silence. So this person who penned this post is out of touch with the reality of spiritual abuse and those who live with it.<br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">Most cult survivors struggle with blaming themselves, not the cult. They internalize their trauma, not finger-point. </h3><br />With that being said, the concept being conveyed is one I agree with. Unless you were born into a cult, those of us who were recruited as adults have pre-existing conditions that made us susceptible to the cult in the first place. Of course, there are exceptions. Some people had near-perfect lives and come from great upbringings when they succumbed to the cult manipulation. But this is earth. No one's life, no matter how good, is devoid of suffering, weakness, or some events that impacted them negatively. We all have shortcomings. We all have insecurities in varying degrees. We each, as human beings, have vulnerabilities. <br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVqm-JSQIDkwZk0dpszeVmF8FdtSaeYqnElbO-wnKTaN9nCGWFEYW3UpsQsJhBnewr_ZtZUVyxFWdIOKYZbC3k1Bb2oHZMn0DAKrD21OXMrtvBEvpZ-0-8_nPUDZPisG9Dn11DJtlzNJb5/s300/unexamined+life+meme.jpg"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVqm-JSQIDkwZk0dpszeVmF8FdtSaeYqnElbO-wnKTaN9nCGWFEYW3UpsQsJhBnewr_ZtZUVyxFWdIOKYZbC3k1Bb2oHZMn0DAKrD21OXMrtvBEvpZ-0-8_nPUDZPisG9Dn11DJtlzNJb5/w400-h224/unexamined+life+meme.jpg" width="400" /></a><br /><br />A better way to phrase the post would be to say that we each have vulnerabilities and one should examine one's life in its totality to explore who you were before the cult. A holistic, eagle-eye's view of one's journey is key from a healing perspective. <br /><br />I think the person who wrote the post probably meant well, but it was lacking a reasonable and appropriate level of sensitivity to the intended audience. This is a support group, remember that. <br /><br />Also, people are at different places on the healing spectrum. If the spiritual wound is still raw, the above post easily comes across as gaslighting, denying the reality of the abuses inflicted by the cult. It blames the victim while appearing to minimize the responsibility of the cult.<br /><br /><br />If one is at a place where the spiritual wound has scabbed over and began healing, the underlying message can be received more. For instance, in my own life, I can attest to the validity of the social media post. <br /><br /><br />Once I was able to validate the spiritual abuse of the ICOC cult, I realized that the core issues of my own life struggles pre-dated the ICOC. These issues, such as my childhood trauma, made me vulnerable to the recruitment tactics of the ICOC. My emotionally absent family made the emotional absence of the ICOC normal to me. Being an 18 year old kid who was estranged from her family left me seeking a family, a void that the ICOC's love-bombing stepped in to fill.<br /><br /><br />So you see, the author of the post is correct. But I have been out of the cult for 15 years so I am not as easily triggered as some may be. Ex-cult members get triggered because they are still lacking the validation they need to ground themselves, so anything saying they need to look beyond the ICOC for the issues they deal with is seen as invalidation to their suffering. It is also perceived as letting the ICOC cult off the hook. <br /><br /><br />This is not the case. Once you are grounded in the fact that 1) Spiritual trauma is real 2)It is not your fault 3) You're not to blame 4) It's okay to be angry and "bitter" 5)The cult/church IS at fault, then...<br /><br /><br />... you won't be triggered by ignorant or insensitive comments. It depends where you currently are on the post-cult spectrum. Ultimately, once you are solid in your reality as a cult victim, the bigger part of the journey is self-exploration. This is NOT blaming yourself. This is about examining your life for patterns, roots, core beliefs, inner thoughts and/or personal narratives that you tell yourself.<br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">Once you are solid in your reality as a cult victim, the bigger part of the journey is self-exploration. </h3><br />Ultimately the goal is recovery. A major aspect of recovery is reflection. For example, are there any traits in the cult (i.e. ICOC), that mirror your family of origin? What were you like before being recruited into the cult? What struggles were you having in life before being recruited?<div><br /></div><div>The answers to these questions matter. Reflection isn't blaming yourself, it's about understanding your life and what has occurred to empower you moving forward. </div><div><br /></div><div>I get, unfortunately, that certain people get impatient with the healing process. In recovery spaces, there's always that person who asks "what's the solution?" and thinks everyone else needs a kick in the butt to "stop complaining and take personal responsibility". They say insensitive, ignorant things that may even be true but it comes from the wrong place. </div><div><br /></div><div>Spiritual abuse requires time to heal. It requires years of educating oneself on what has happened to you. It demands a person embark on a complex, existential journey. It requires safe spaces for people to be human and permission for them to feel whatever it is they feel, for as long as they feel it...without judgment. </div><div><br /></div><div>The author of this post above [and people who think like them] needs to understand how complex spiritual abuse is, how complex we are as human beings, and that it matters how you say something just as much as what you say. Too often, people are gaslighted into being "too sensitive" or "snowflakes" when the offender is just being ignorant or insensitive. <br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">It matters <i>how</i> you say something just as much as <i>what</i> you say. </h3></div><div><br /></div><div>Food for thought is always good for the soul. Spiritual healing is a journey, not a destination.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-65016141158125573062021-04-06T22:31:00.000-04:002021-04-06T22:31:03.327-04:00The difference between a group and a cult<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjPw3FZuwjhOLfFRbBEcBQBNLsUQdrZPQWCNUV73d-ZI2w88YVa6tI2uLNZOJvTiUvLWVLH8wz9icfYocJ4Q0kHLO4t-mw1JsQgF96h5xBoV2RHKb74m98D_4bXJVUSZSfGtuOKWqP1-4Z/s281/group+of+people.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="179" data-original-width="281" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjPw3FZuwjhOLfFRbBEcBQBNLsUQdrZPQWCNUV73d-ZI2w88YVa6tI2uLNZOJvTiUvLWVLH8wz9icfYocJ4Q0kHLO4t-mw1JsQgF96h5xBoV2RHKb74m98D_4bXJVUSZSfGtuOKWqP1-4Z/w320-h204/group+of+people.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />All cults are groups, but all groups aren't cults. <p></p><p>It's similar to how all judges are lawyers, but not all lawyers are judges. Lawyers can become judges. Groups can become cults.</p><p>Here is the definition of a group that I found online:</p><i><span style="font-size: large;">A group is a collection of people with some common characteristics or purpose. A group can consist of any number of people. People in groups interact, engage and identify with each other, often at regular or pre-determined times and places.</span></i><br /><br />*<i>group definition taken from this page [<a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">click here]</a></i><h3 style="text-align: left;">What about cults?</h3><p>The first thing you see when typing "what is a cult?" or "definition of a cult" is what pops up, courtesy of google:</p><blockquote>A cult is a group or movement held together by a shared commitment to a charismatic leader or ideology. It has a belief system that has the answers to all of life’s questions and offers a special solution to be gained only by following the leader’s rules. It requires a high level of commitment from at least some of the members.</blockquote><div><span style="font-family: "Georgia Pro", Georgia, "Droid Serif", serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">*</span><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">cult definition taken from this page [click <a href="https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/religion/2016/09/15/what-makes-cult-cult/90377532/" target="_blank">here</a>]</span></i></span></div><p>I'm no expert on the matter, but as someone who has been in both groups <i><b>and </b></i>cults, I can share what I've seen and experienced.</p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Groups vs cults</h3><p>Groups can be both big and small. </p><p>Groups function with a purpose. You have all types of groups with all kinds of purposes. For example, you have group therapy, group sports, study groups in school, extracurricular groups, internet groups, i.e. Facebook groups [I personally belong to a Facebook group for cult survivors]. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQxWRN_hAHNH_DC0c6cD9ZQRVwHAAlHTYP8pDsdoYf4YfVVNcaB11I6LMFeU4hPbR0zgwdvgXAP92ty8eO811VhDF3h-SjYEnlIDFr4OtLEJFjw-sWM4vlwLQ-7q0H0bcHi48VZFuhHy5C/s300/group+therapy.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="what is a cult vs. a group?" border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQxWRN_hAHNH_DC0c6cD9ZQRVwHAAlHTYP8pDsdoYf4YfVVNcaB11I6LMFeU4hPbR0zgwdvgXAP92ty8eO811VhDF3h-SjYEnlIDFr4OtLEJFjw-sWM4vlwLQ-7q0H0bcHi48VZFuhHy5C/w400-h224/group+therapy.jpg" title="group therapy" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">*image: group therapy</span></i></b></p><p>These are just a few examples. Groups can also be <b><i>voluntary</i></b> or <b><i>involuntary</i></b>. For instance, a <b><i>voluntary</i></b> group can be a hobby group on meetup.com who meets to go hiking once a month. An involuntary group can occur when your professor assigns students together to work on a group presentation. </p><p>For this discussion, we're talking about <b><i>voluntary groups</i></b>.</p><p>And of course, a church or religion is a main type of group that is based on religious or spiritual beliefs.</p><p>So, the objective being proposed is: when you encounter a group you want to join [or you're currently part of a group], it's important to evaluate that group for your own protection. </p><p>When comparing a <b>cult</b> to a <b>group</b>, one can say that <b><i>a cult is a toxic group.</i></b> Any group can become a cult if the group is not careful. That's why internal checks and balances are so important. </p><blockquote><h2 style="text-align: left;">A cult is a toxic group. ANY group can become a cult if the group is not careful.</h2></blockquote><p>Cults are <b><i>abusive </i></b><i><b>power dynamics within a group</b></i>. For example, if one person holds all the power, it doesn't automatically mean the group is a cult, but the leader of the group displaying cult leader characteristics IS a red flag. All groups have and need leadership. It becomes dangerous when the leader is one person, a messianic figure who can never be questioned and is looked at like a rock star. If the leader thinks he or she is a divine messenger or a deity or has huge delusions of grandeur, and it goes unchecked by the group members, that's a red flag that it is a toxic, dangerous group. </p><p><span style="background-color: #fcff01;"><b>Important note: If a group calls itself a "movement", run away immediately. Or at least proceed with extreme caution. Movements almost always spell trouble. Cults are often labeled "movements". The cult I was part of for 11 years was called the "modern-day movement of God". </b></span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Why people join groups vs joining cults</h3><p>People often join groups with the same orientation in common with the group's purpose. So if you're failing math, joining a tutoring group or a study group with other students makes sense. The reason for joining is clear and the group's purpose is also clear.</p><p>On the other end, people are <b><i>recruited</i></b> into cults. You can't just join a cult. You have to be invited into the fold and then undergo a recruitment process of initiation. People's reason for submitting to the group's indoctrination process is often unclear on a conscious level. If asked, most people aren't aware of what the end game of indoctrination is, nor are they clear on the initiation process itself. They are trusting the guidance of current cult members who already completed the initiation process. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">People JOIN a group. People are RECRUITED into a cult. </span></b></p><p>With voluntary groups, you join out of your free will. The goal of the group is transparent. You join a bowling league, you know what you're getting. You join a rock band, you know what the goal is. Joining most groups is pretty straightforward. </p><p>When you leave the group, you can just leave. People may miss you, sure. They may try and convince you to stay. You may even leave a group on a bad note. But overall, you can join and leave a group as you see fit. The world won't stop. Your life won't be cursed. Your soul will not be lost.</p><p>On the other hand, you cannot just leave a cult. You are considered doomed if you stop attending, if you stop adhering to the group's ideology-hell, if you dare question the group's ideology! That is taboo. </p><p>Cult membership is meant to be permanent and is considered one's identity. Groups don't require your very existence to revolve around being a part of that group. If you leave a cult, however, it feels like a battered woman leaving an abusive, alcoholic husband. Healthy groups don't foster such co-dependency. Healthy groups don't demand a constant extraction of all your resources [time, money, energy, etc.]. </p><p>A cult demands to be in control of your life even when you aren't physically with the group. It's a secret society, a closed ecosystem. Healthy groups allow people freedom without all the pressure, manipulation, and coercion. </p><p>With a healthy group, you often are given <i><b>informed consent</b></i> about the group's agenda. Depending on the type of group it is, they may need you to read, understand, and sign consent forms. You may need to pay monetary dues. Groups, therefore, are forthcoming about their purpose. A group requires you know what you're getting into. </p><p>A cult, however, is not transparent. You are lured in under some pretense that turns out to not be true or only partially true. For example, a college student getting invited to a pizza night attends only to find it's a group bible study. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Groups function around a <b>shared purpose </b>while cults function around a<b> person, a personality</b>.</h3><p>Cults operate on a black-and-white, <i><b>us vs. them</b></i> paradigm. You're either with "us" or you're with "them". Either you're an insider or an outsider. You're either "family" or you're an enemy. </p><p>A healthy church group, for example, is okay with people deciding that their church isn't a good fit for them, for whatever reason. A non-cult church leader will tell the person to find a church where they can call home and wish them well. </p><p>Not a cult. A cult will tell you that you're going to hell if you leave their church group. This is one of many examples of the difference between cults and groups.</p><p>A group operates on an even playing field. Cults operate on an unequal power differential. The cult members have the power while the recruits do not. The cult is always considered to be superior when compared to outsiders.</p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Vetting vs. Indoctrination</h3><p>Also, a group vets potential members. They typically don't target people to join. People find groups they're interested in. On the other end of the spectrum, cults go after people to recruit. The cult will require you to submit to an indoctrination process to join. </p><p>There is a difference between an indoctrination process and a vetting process.</p><p>A vetting process is healthy. Depending on the group, new members are vetted using interviews, assessments, resumes. background checks. It is an act of due diligence. </p><p>An indoctrination process is toxic. This process involves force-feeding the new member the group's ideology, which the person must accept and internalize in order to join the group. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">How to identify a cult vs. a group</h3><p>If you join any group, the first thing to ask is if the group is healthy. Do the group members interact with one another in a toxic manner? All groups have a leader but is there a healthy power differential between the members and leadership? If a group's leader is held in a state of extreme reverence, such as the members talking about the leader as if they are a celebrity and you can't even express doubt or questions about the leader because the group members will jump down your throat, that means you're looking at an unhealthy group, a cult dynamic. </p><p>Also. if there's some kind of mysterious initiation process to be considered a member of the group due to the group's elite exclusivity, then that's a red flag. It should be clear who the group is, what their purpose is and what the end game is. There should be no "bread-crumbing" of information. You should know what comes next and what comes after that. </p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>Bottom line: If you have to go through a degrading process to be allowed into a group, then you should question if you should be part of that group. Is it really worth it? </b></h2><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzVhKVe2zqbKnJ5Pnz07J6EtaIASgzb3YtVWugwzrt_vamXSh7R1IBVXkIxICUV1PxY43Zdx0z8mevJAtz14x2kjEtNXG8Wwer5hFUhPM2JuKLkUXx8gtNibyem030CimpzOu8mAxuI4nN/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="992" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzVhKVe2zqbKnJ5Pnz07J6EtaIASgzb3YtVWugwzrt_vamXSh7R1IBVXkIxICUV1PxY43Zdx0z8mevJAtz14x2kjEtNXG8Wwer5hFUhPM2JuKLkUXx8gtNibyem030CimpzOu8mAxuI4nN/w400-h225/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>Here's the question: what do you consent to? And is it informed consent? Do you know what you're getting into? Does this group have values that align with your own? Is this group abusive? Is this group elitist? What is the ideology of the group? </p><p>Do you consent to the hazing process of joining a sorority or fraternity? </p><p>Do you consent to the indoctrination process of joining a church?</p><p>Do you consent to the murky, manipulative process of joining a multilevel marketing company or pyramid scheme?</p><p>Do you consent to the sexual rituals of joining the entertainment industry?</p><p>Do you consent to the self-depreciating process of becoming a ballet dancer?</p><p><br /></p><p>...The list goes on and on...and on.</p><p><br /></p><p>If a group makes you feel inadequate, like a peon, do you still want to be part of it? Toxic groups prey on people's insecurities and the human need for validation and belonging. In reality, certain groups offer valuable benefits to us, but if you feel that you NEED a group to BE valuable, then that's a problem. </p><p>NO group or entity can make you valuable as a human being. It can look good on your resume, it can be good to network, or to have people to do certain activities with [speaking of <i><b>voluntary groups</b></i> here]. But a group should never make you feel like you need them to matter or to exist. </p><p>Nothing wrong with joining a group, as we humans are tribal creatures and joining healthy, productive groups are valuable aspects of life. But go into it self-aware and with intention to get what you want to out of it. Look out for red flags indicating it is a cult and be prepared to back away immediately. </p><p>Do your research on a group and if possible, talk to ex-members and critics of the group to get a more balanced perspective. Good? Good.</p><p><b>Discussion takeaways:</b></p><p>1. All cults are groups, but all groups aren't cults. </p><p>2. A <b>group</b> is a collection of people with some common characteristics or purpose. A <b>cult</b> is a group or movement held together by a shared commitment to a charismatic leader or ideology. </p><p>3. People JOIN a group. People are RECRUITED into a cult. </p><p>4. If you join any group, the first thing to ask is if the group is healthy.</p><p>5. If you have to go through a degrading process to be allowed into a group, then you should question if you should be part of that group in the first place.</p><p>6. A cult is a toxic group. </p><p>7. ANY group can become a cult if the group is not careful.</p><p>8. You can't just join a cult. You have to be invited into the fold and then undergo a recruitment process of initiation.</p><p>9. Groups function around a shared purpose while cults function around a person, a personality.</p><p>10. If a group calls itself a "movement", run away immediately. "Movements" are often cults.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-80825795637017287802021-04-02T03:58:00.004-04:002021-04-02T04:05:58.106-04:00How to start a cult<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi02lsGf2aWPL83DX3hqmc_kbXz0DWFvZkwzJnjye7qMmiyUvwT5t_CbW3uD_VBob6dFaWJvYbHNq0M2ptajoysv8M1Gzk9-AcKWxMlyjMub_RQQcr9cgphCqrLz2UV_hsmO9pEjD4rpXxF/s275/cult+image.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi02lsGf2aWPL83DX3hqmc_kbXz0DWFvZkwzJnjye7qMmiyUvwT5t_CbW3uD_VBob6dFaWJvYbHNq0M2ptajoysv8M1Gzk9-AcKWxMlyjMub_RQQcr9cgphCqrLz2UV_hsmO9pEjD4rpXxF/w400-h266/cult+image.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />If you ask the average person what a cult is, a religious cult comes to mind. In fact, it's safe to say that most people see cults as religious. However, part of why I publish content on cults is to educate people on what a cult actually is. <p></p><h1 style="text-align: left;">A cult is NOT a religion. A cult is a <i>group dynamic. </i></h1><p>A cult is not a religion. It is a group dynamic. Any group can become a cult. All it takes is a charismatic leader, loyal followers, a grand vision, and viola! You've completed the cult starter kit. </p><p>Any group can become a cult. People confuse a cult with the infamous religious cult. This is not true. There are also political cults, new age cults, business cults, self-help cults.....<b>what makes a group a cult is how it functions</b>. For example: cults recruit people into their group. A normal group is one you can join. Joining a group is different than being recruited into one. </p><span><a name='more'></a></span><h2 style="text-align: left;">What makes a group a cult is how it functions. A cult is NOT a group. It is a group <i>dynamic</i>.</h2><span><!--more--></span><p> Cults are like pornography. You know it when you see it. Cults have certain markers or red flags. Some people debate over what a cult is. They feel that such broad definitions make almost everything a cult. I say, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck. </p><p>There <i>are</i> socially acceptable cults that are normalized in society. One example of this are Greek fraternities and sororities. People in these groups get mad when I say this, but these organizations recruit members and make them go through a degrading hazing process in order to become a member, an event they call "crossing over". Once you're approved to <i>cross over</i>, your identity changes. You adopt rote behaviors of the group, such as making cat calls or dance routines and become clones, wearing identical clothing with the organization colors. Those who survive the trauma-bonding process of initiation and hazing go on to become "frat brothers" or "sorors". </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXZEsr24H73GzEhUZKoKLlZXH2VeRJk2FucLQ_ydSb1jWeX84k1jBfM97P4sd850YRVnRvSsLqZ04gK8jvxoy9sIXSShBBjYhZ5310ORsYyklGU4jSAz9s8cCAJt4ITvqrZYI2WvlG-laK/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="251" data-original-width="201" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXZEsr24H73GzEhUZKoKLlZXH2VeRJk2FucLQ_ydSb1jWeX84k1jBfM97P4sd850YRVnRvSsLqZ04gK8jvxoy9sIXSShBBjYhZ5310ORsYyklGU4jSAz9s8cCAJt4ITvqrZYI2WvlG-laK/" width="192" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>In these groups you are sworn to secrecy. Whatever happens in the group, stays in the group. I had friends who wouldn't tell me what happened to them during their hazing process because I was an "outsider". Cults have an "us vs them" ideology. If you betray the group by questioning authority or telling outsiders anything unethical or problematic that occurs within the group, you instantly become an enemy. </p><p>These are just a few characteristics of a cult that Greek organizations embody. Yet, Greek organizations are highly esteemed in our society. People are afraid to explore the subject of cults because it will force them to examine the dark side of human nature. They will have to look at the world around them and decide for themselves if the society itself is indeed a cult and what can or should be done about it. The reality is, most insititutions held up to the 'cult test' will fail. So will our culture. The word says it all: cult-ure.</p><p>Cult expert Steve Hassan wrote a book on the political cult of Donald Trump and he got so much pushback. Why? Because people want to think that cults are fringe religious zealots who drink poisoned kool-aid on compounds or who believe in UFOs or stockpile weapons in bunkers or follow Charles Manson. </p><p>No. </p><p>Cults are in our midst. Any group can start out democratic and end up a cult. Your church can be a cult. Your family can be a cult. Your political party can be a cult. A content creator on social media or You Tube can have a cult following. The same applies to celebrities. </p><p>The dynamic makes the cult. So, when someone on the internet has a cult following, they may not necessarily be a narcissisitic cult leader. But the dynamic of the group is cult-like. You can't disagree with the group ideology. You can't question the lead person. </p><p>If you are reading these words, you [yes, <b>YOU</b>] can start a cult. Of course, you would have to be a specific personality type for this. Cult leaders are always narcissists and sociopaths. They have a pathology within them that sees themselves as larger than life-in some form or fashion they are gods. Some cult leaders <i><b>literally</b></i> think they're deities while others see themselves as the <i><b>chosen vessel</b></i> for deities. If you're reading this, I doubt you fit such a description. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Cults: how it all begins</h3><p>Cults always start out small. There's a visionary and the original disciples. Cults all follow the pattern of the original [OG] cult leader: <b>Jesus of Nazareth</b>. </p><p>Blasphemous, I know. But Jesus and the twelve disciples are the <b>cult blueprint</b>. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYCLcSMDeRR0TyKdiGxt0LkuEfDJKj882YE21DxQUTNVH0r4c20hNEpQx9aYuIyZ3zjuf3EjMXmGIIB2IMFXROnZzou8i-vS6LC6dpiVjpI_hnLd0x_BxY7gYw6_YJZQfRY2EakNFrF9Q/s359/Jesus+and+12+disciples.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="140" data-original-width="359" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYCLcSMDeRR0TyKdiGxt0LkuEfDJKj882YE21DxQUTNVH0r4c20hNEpQx9aYuIyZ3zjuf3EjMXmGIIB2IMFXROnZzou8i-vS6LC6dpiVjpI_hnLd0x_BxY7gYw6_YJZQfRY2EakNFrF9Q/w640-h250/Jesus+and+12+disciples.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>There is the cult leader, the visionary [Jesus]. Then there is the core group of followers [original disciples-Peter, Luke, Matthew, Mark, Thomas, John, Judas...etc]. These disciples go on to create the second wave of followers [first century church]. And then the group multiplies, spreading across geographical boarders to other states, countries and continents.<h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>What makes a cult so powerful?</b></h3><p>Well, unfortunately, most cult leaders have the loudest voice and the biggest ambitions. They are charismatic and powerful speakers. When they talk, especially before crowds, their words make your spine tingle and butterflies flutter in your stomach. They are visionaries who think beyond what the ordinary person conceives as possible. </p><p>Because of this, people tend to follow them and believe the hype these leaders proclaim about themselves-and about their grand visions. Jesus was a master at public speaking. He drew crowds. He was controversial. He was the iconoclast, the counterculture messenger of his time. </p><p>Cult leaders are, as Jesus was, controversial. Their message goes against the grain of what is commonly accepted. This counternarrative is the magnet that pulls people in. Just as Jesus amassed large crowds following him because they were hurting or seeking a remedy to their lives, cult leaders have a 'vision' that appears to be just what the doctor ordered. </p><p>The cult I was part of for 11 years, the <a href="http://www.reveal.org/development/Toxic.pdf" target="_blank">International Church of Christ</a>, or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-IJi_0lNN4&t=93s" target="_blank">ICOC</a>, had a leader named Thomas "Kip" McKean, who launched the ICOC as his 'movement'. Kip had a vision he said was from God that he transcribed into writing, called the 'Evangelization Proclamation". In short, this document, which mimicked the U.S. Constitution, declared the ICOC's mission to plant an ICOC church in every major country on Earth. This big vision, Kip often repeated before crowds of cheering followers, was always closed out with the phrase, "and to God be the glory". </p><p>Kip was, if not anything else, a very persuasive figure more suited to be a CEO of a multilevel marketing company than a religious movement....</p><p>But hey, these cult leaders fit in where they can get in. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Anatomy of a cult leader</b></h3><p>Most cult leaders are usually under-achievers or average in life. They were bullied in school, or grew up in poverty, or some life challenge that made them feel small. Many cult leaders have that passionate, driven, "I'm gonna show em, I'm gonna show 'em all!" attitude that becomes a dangerous pathology.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNKkW6H-nwrnOnr7HMWV4dRxyl_H7947FTX__F2q3lfybapn1pidDnUGzrTEHep6CNpzPUBzXchMJHW22QCEVCGWWZcDYNe8uuXHvQkCX4HgFhCdiBLHq4UcecXao9hdhMgkF5p6mPFdIf/s657/I+will+show+you+all+meme.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="657" height="488" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNKkW6H-nwrnOnr7HMWV4dRxyl_H7947FTX__F2q3lfybapn1pidDnUGzrTEHep6CNpzPUBzXchMJHW22QCEVCGWWZcDYNe8uuXHvQkCX4HgFhCdiBLHq4UcecXao9hdhMgkF5p6mPFdIf/w640-h488/I+will+show+you+all+meme.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>The future cult leader decides that he or she will prove the world wrong. This hole within is what motivates them to go above and beyond what the average person will do. This is what makes them appear to be exceptional. Beneath the veneer of ambition, drive, and charisma lies a psychopathy. A lust for power over other people that burns within. An absence of compassion and empathy while having an abundance of narcissism. </p><p>Cult leaders always have a vision or mission that appeals to people in some way. This vision taps into people's deepest desires. Or like with political figures, it exploits people's desperation for change or hope. People need hope to live. And cult leaders offer something more than what a person's current reality is offering. </p><p>For example, a cult group offers bliss and happiness through self-improvement. You can have the life you want if you internalize a specific ideology. Prosperity gospel, Law of attraction. EFT, Scientology.</p><p>The list goes on. Let's list some possible cults to be on the lookout for:</p><p>Religious cults</p><p>Evangelical christian cults </p><p>Discipleship movements</p><p>ANYTHIING calling itself a "movement"</p><p>MLMs (Multilevel Marketing Companies)</p><p>Pyramid schemes</p><p>Law of attraction movement</p><p>New age cults</p><p>Political cults (i.e. Donald Trump followers)</p><p>Military Industrial complex</p><p>Sororities/Fraternities</p><p>Boule</p><p>Hollywood</p><p>Satanic cults</p><p>Luciferian cults</p><p>Corporate cults (i.e. Uber, Google, Amazon, or Facebook)</p><p>There are more to list, but these are enough to tick some of you off. Why? Because some of you belong to at least one of these or have someone you care about who does. I'm not lord of the universe, so if you disagree with the list, then that means I am not a cult leader. Freedom of thought and the freedom to disagree is a sign of autonomy in a healthy society. </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Some red flags that your group might be a cult:</h2><p>Narcissist leader with god-complex who can't be questioned or challenged. </p><p>Leader with "big" larger than life, magical vision</p><p>"Us vs them" mentality</p><p>A secretive, degrading initiation process to be considered a member of the group.</p><p>Group isolates members or distances them from friends and family outside the group.</p><p>Group members are watched constantly. </p><p>Group members are abused mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, verbally or all of the above</p><p>Group has insider language that only the group members know and understand the specific meaning.</p><p>Group targets new members and recruits them using deception.</p><span><!--more--></span><p><br /></p><p>It's important to be aware, however, of falling victim to a cult environment. When the red flags begin waving, it helps knowing how to recognize them in order to best protect yourself and those you love.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-66996027151047824502021-03-27T00:14:00.002-04:002021-03-27T00:14:30.598-04:00The Danger of Christian "Restoration" Movements<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQfe2yKrW-aJZUFhjaqWVaZ3-s8biYHCYksGYzspuEzfevbr7o1pHD3_ojtMATOcDnnkP8lF2fWh1_58BA0HHRp96jH69rE2cRYbMEXL8IbF1URF8T_bYv61F4sA1lIcuCRmEnlMkN3yV/s275/religious+movement+pic.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYQfe2yKrW-aJZUFhjaqWVaZ3-s8biYHCYksGYzspuEzfevbr7o1pHD3_ojtMATOcDnnkP8lF2fWh1_58BA0HHRp96jH69rE2cRYbMEXL8IbF1URF8T_bYv61F4sA1lIcuCRmEnlMkN3yV/w400-h266/religious+movement+pic.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Restoration movements are a big part of modern day Christianity. As the literal word illustrates, "restoration" is about <i><b>restoring</b></i> something to its original state. In Christianity, beginning in the early 19th century, various members from different Christian groups and denominations decided they had drifted away from the basics of Christianity. <br /><br />It's the Christian version of "make America great again"<div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCPo4IHI-Uu6K2-E8LDQXcL0T_D065l4KefcSSuwLj4icDncEwQaYAdduveQXexoCaMS6xl4tTlQ-VXim2exo-EF3PCggOzcS02AGB8jJppblS-F98oSuHZjuRwF07GIOmdwkHTazMoeo/s522/maga+hat+meme.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="522" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCPo4IHI-Uu6K2-E8LDQXcL0T_D065l4KefcSSuwLj4icDncEwQaYAdduveQXexoCaMS6xl4tTlQ-VXim2exo-EF3PCggOzcS02AGB8jJppblS-F98oSuHZjuRwF07GIOmdwkHTazMoeo/s320/maga+hat+meme.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Restoration is about "making Christianity great again"...That's how all these "movements" and "revivals" come into being in the first place. <br /><br />And these "movements" are almost always dangerous.<br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>These movements all start the same way: individuals abandon their formal denominations with hopes of establishing a church based solely on the Christianity taught in the New Testament. With their belief in Jesus as the only model and the Bible as the only sacred book, they endeavor to “restore” the church to its original focus during the time of the apostles.</div><div><br /></div><div> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPz9opf4SLICbDsKHXCwrqd1dLLEM-hCdjm8MhSTStAyuIUBFPrvP15pPQ6HMfDH7OG6g1Fi5t5TRlby9DSyxpP1WQ0VtRpQ6zXz_f7BRWNUAO3FZ0p23OOIYyQe84GZ_FbBIaTFm6rYge/s600/church+split+in+half.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="https://www.romancatholicman.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/church-split.jpg" border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="600" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPz9opf4SLICbDsKHXCwrqd1dLLEM-hCdjm8MhSTStAyuIUBFPrvP15pPQ6HMfDH7OG6g1Fi5t5TRlby9DSyxpP1WQ0VtRpQ6zXz_f7BRWNUAO3FZ0p23OOIYyQe84GZ_FbBIaTFm6rYge/w640-h384/church+split+in+half.jpg" title="how restoration movements begin" width="640" /></a><br /><br />Restoration and fundamentalism go hand in hand. When you talk about restoring a system to its fundamental premise, that can only be achieved through splitting apart churches and implementing absolutist, black and white practices. <br /><br />In this case, the original focus restoration leaders want to return to are the first century church in the new testament of the bible, starting in the book of Acts. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is a saying that goes, "speak where the bible speaks, and be silent where the bible is silent". This is a fundamentalist approach, which in practice is virtually impossible.</div><div><br /></div><div>Why? Because the bible doesn't cover every life situation. It wasn't even written in modern times. So no movement can exist where church leaders are not filling in the gaps. <br /><br />Here's an example: dating. Dating did not exist in bible times, but it does today. The bible is undeniably silent on this topic. So how do you navigate dating according to the bible without "speaking where the bible is silent?" <br /><br />You don't. You can't.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Charismatic individuals decide that the church they are part of isn't holding to the bible in some way and they fall out with the leaders of the congregation over this issue. [Or issues]. The <i><b>cult leader in the making</b> </i>wants the church to adopt their point of view and when that doesn't happen, the person accuses the church members of being archaic and stuck in their ways. Next, said person persuades a percentage of the same church to accept their ideology and it leads to a split in the congregation. Half the church follows the dissenter while the rest remain steadfast with the traditional ministry. The lone leader has now formed a new "movement". <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTV_HCe-ivwNVNaW0LgFcF89_MqedBDFxf0EB6qXdFpIw73OvlSMtFj6Ms0vbijq01URUch2W5uQO63N5EI3hTRCiE7NZxOw7Lyf15VnUQ-4BkUM5B4cFevgiJ_PjuD6a_PSLi1K9x-ZFW/s297/charismatic+leader.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="170" data-original-width="297" height="366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTV_HCe-ivwNVNaW0LgFcF89_MqedBDFxf0EB6qXdFpIw73OvlSMtFj6Ms0vbijq01URUch2W5uQO63N5EI3hTRCiE7NZxOw7Lyf15VnUQ-4BkUM5B4cFevgiJ_PjuD6a_PSLi1K9x-ZFW/w640-h366/charismatic+leader.jpg" width="640" /></a><br /><p><span face=""Trebuchet MS", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;">Now this new "movement" is built on the personality of the leader. (hence the term, "cult of personality". This new leader is like the founder of a new silicon valley startup. They create a "brand" for this movement, which is their new 'baby'. This, like any business venture, has a logo, a slogan, and a mission statement.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;">Let's not leave out the founding team/staff. As the founder of a new mission, there is a mix of excitement and fear, just like any for-profit startup: </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;">Can we do this? they ask themselves. The leader with the big vision says, "Yes, we can!" </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;">This makes the founder the hero and positions him/her as a legendary, magical figure that future followers will one day speak of with awe.</span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #111111;"><span style="background-color: white;">Psychology of a Cult movement leader</span></span></h3><br />Leaders of movements typically are "nobodies" who are inwardly seeking to be somebody special one day. [Think of the Joker from Batman]. <br /><br />They, for the first time in their life, are someone important, a person of significance. These new "movement" leaders are the star of the show. Everything the movement stands for is decided by the leader. Then the leader. just like Jesus, recruits his/her elite group of 'disciples' or lieutenants. <br /><br />This gives the person so much power that it consumes them. Narcissism swallows them whole. <br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho8CJnp1xW6BqGvnRE0Fg7oU8Ac2rFuYjzU31UPWLmE9qLTNny3ZjIkXEQa9p3LBnG-F8hbf2E3htg5McVmpDn3iQKZP5Y3g_2YXkFrlvD6agN0yl9bz9QQCqWzKTSrlLogvL181X6pxaD/s263/narcissist+leader+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="192" data-original-width="263" height="467" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho8CJnp1xW6BqGvnRE0Fg7oU8Ac2rFuYjzU31UPWLmE9qLTNny3ZjIkXEQa9p3LBnG-F8hbf2E3htg5McVmpDn3iQKZP5Y3g_2YXkFrlvD6agN0yl9bz9QQCqWzKTSrlLogvL181X6pxaD/w640-h467/narcissist+leader+1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span face=""Trebuchet MS", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span><p></p>This elite squad of high-ranking lieutenants are cronies of the leader. They've bought into the rhetoric. They may even believe in the leader's vision. Or they are just power-hungry glory-seekers. Either way, they are now the enforcers to the rest of the group while being the 'underlings' to the leader. <br /><br />This small band of believers devoted to "the cause" are just like the startup team at a future fortune 500 company. [Think the first 20 people at Amazon]. <br /><br />These are the folks who lay the foundation. They devote blood, sweat and tears to growing the organization. They have monetary equity and sweat equity. They know where all the bodies are buried. They determine the culture of the movement. Their values and biases become the movement's values. These values are baked into the institutional structure of the movement as it grows so big that new recruits don't even know who these top leaders are, aside from the origin story they're told as folklore.<br /><br />Think of the Amazon story of Jeff Bezos in his parent's garage. Or how the megachurch, World Changers International, started with meetings held in a school cafeteria.<br /><br />The movement I was recruited into for 11 years, the <a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">International Church of Christ, or ICOC</a>, was said to have started in the basement of one of the member's homes.<br /><br />Then at some point, after getting tipsy off their newfound power, the new leader makes a sharp left...<p><span face=""Trebuchet MS", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face=""Trebuchet MS", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUmlku-8U94kqX6XG9aQ7HoGBBNszyyj0rqYijOLxupKE36nfCKiJuWp3-NumYn8n2j6lyJRC_iytpNTkct3MMRVSWrx-qWVHT4K5xOh8PvRdoZ2f0_I_y4ku01o2I3ML63mU-OqSxDlBp/s540/katt+williams+meme.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="500" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUmlku-8U94kqX6XG9aQ7HoGBBNszyyj0rqYijOLxupKE36nfCKiJuWp3-NumYn8n2j6lyJRC_iytpNTkct3MMRVSWrx-qWVHT4K5xOh8PvRdoZ2f0_I_y4ku01o2I3ML63mU-OqSxDlBp/w592-h640/katt+williams+meme.jpg" width="592" /></a></span></div><span face=""Trebuchet MS", sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 16px;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /></span></div>Remember, the leader is like the person who is lost in the desert without water. The visual mirages of water begin blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. The cult leader in the making starts talking crazy. The 'disciples' around him either ignore it or act as "yes men", further feeding into his delusions of grandeur. <br /><br />One day at a meeting at one of the member's homes, the leader says they're Jesus Christ incarnated. Or they say they're God's messenger to the world. Or they start shouting and jumping on couches. Or they punch one of the lieutenants in the stomach and use a bible scripture to justify this behavior. <br /><div><span style="color: #111111;">Someone lets it slide. They may be taken off guard and try to mentally make it make sense to ease their own cognitive dissonance. That's how the movement becomes the tyrannical beast. The leader starts acting crazy and no one stops him. Their fear of the leader's wrath locks them into silence. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div>Others in the early days of a movement may also be narcissists seeking power or weak-minded individuals seeking validation. Like the leader, they, too, want to be 'somebody'. They want to feel important and do important things. They want to make a mark on the world with their name on it. The newly developed cult leader has the vision for how to make these inner desires to make a difference and be significant come true. <div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div>Many of these high-ranking officials are cowards. Just like in a fortune 500 company, the starting founders benefit from getting in at the very beginning. In a church restoration movement, these early 'founders' get high-ranking positions, high salaries, and comfy lifestyles in what is known in the secular world as<span style="color: #111111;"> <b><i>fortune and fame</i>.</b> </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">The founder of the movement's vision becomes larger than life as the church becomes more and more fundamentalist. In fact, these offshoot movements end up being the same rigid group the leaader accused the original church they split from of being. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">Think of it like this: One restoration offshoot is Burger King. The traditional church is McDonalds. Both sell the same product but served up a different way. Burger King's burgers are flame-broiled; McDonald's are not. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">One movement believes in discipling and another movement doesn't. The initial movement splits over this. While both movements have the same doctrine and beliefs, one christian 'movement' institutes the discipling chain and the other does not. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">It's like sports teams. The Mets and the Yankees. Both are major league teams. Both are based in New York city. But they are rivals. Church movements function the same.</span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><b><i>Why the rivalry?</i></b> Well, just like sports teams, churches are in competition for converts, funding, and both claim to be the ones with the "Truth". Movements are about growth and the only growth that matters is the growth one can see visually: numbers. How many members does one movement have? Are people being added to their numbers daily like in the book of Acts? </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfO__u3yr-MXktH51rDD1FRNiYu5yrO_5j4uL0SD7AXoI8GZYwsizdXMKGDBRk75c_KPWcDPxTmkwEnezdypHQy7G4un-Sg0e5m8-reJM1srRTRt0tS1-nxGNsOdsNvj_sEpZKIC2q-jyT/s302/church+service.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="167" data-original-width="302" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfO__u3yr-MXktH51rDD1FRNiYu5yrO_5j4uL0SD7AXoI8GZYwsizdXMKGDBRk75c_KPWcDPxTmkwEnezdypHQy7G4un-Sg0e5m8-reJM1srRTRt0tS1-nxGNsOdsNvj_sEpZKIC2q-jyT/w400-h221/church+service.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">Just like a brand with a new product or service, a new christian movement causes a disruption in the current industry. The movement's radicalized adherence to biblical doctrine make it interesting and controversial. People are drawn to such moving and shaking. Restoration can appear exciting and revolutionary. With a leader who is passionate, confident, and charismatic, it attracts young people and those yearning for something new, fresh, alive. Movements and revivals feel exciting and offer individuals hope and a sense of significance. They can make a difference in the world by joining this movement. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">The crowds and the increased numbers of followers increase the fervor and zeal. This often is marketed as an indicator of God's favor. Obviously, the leaders propagate, if our movement is spreading to other cities, countries and merging with and taking over other "stale" traditional ministries and rebranding it with the movement's ideology, then they must be doing the will of God. Nevermind their own doctrine's warning about the road to destruction being wide while the road to salvation being narrow. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">The ideology of the group eventually carries more weight than the so-called authority of the bible- which is ironic, considering that the movement was started to restore Christianity back to what they think the bible really says in the first place. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">The ideology comes from the mind of the founder of the movement, with his biased interpretation of the bible. This view tightly winds itself up into a knot with dogmatic beliefs of exclusivity, such as "this movement is the "very movement of God". YIKES. Translation: no other movement or church is the VERY movement of God in comparison. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">This crazy ideology gets affirmed and reproduced over and over in new believers. Eventually, these biased beliefs become "truth". The movement doesn't restore anything but fear, prejudice, cult practices, and groupthink. These create an environment ripe for spiritual abuse and trauma to take place with zero accountability.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">But back to this idea of restoration movements "speaking where the bible speaks and being silent where the bible is silent". This never works. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">Again, using the modern-day practice of dating, no one dated in bible times so now it's up to the movement leaders to determine what "godly dating" is. In other words, speaking where the bible is dead silent. That's how crazy unspoken rules are born. It's how you end up with a <i><b>movement</b></i> that forbids its members to date or marry anyone outside the group. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">This "movement" is now a full blown cult. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">Which is why these restoration Christian movements are dangerous. No movement is 'new under the sun'. Especially when you base your mission on "making Christianity great again" based one of the oldest books ever written. </span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;">If someone tries to get you to join a movement, <i><b>beware. investigate. Run.</b></i></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #111111;"><br /></span><p></p><p><br /></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-80827810593941342782021-03-25T02:55:00.005-04:002021-03-25T17:24:35.177-04:00Former gospel hip hop artist exposes famous christian/gospel artists 'living in the closet'<p> The man in this video used to travel with gospel legend Fred Hammond on tour. He lived in the gospel world among many of the "A-listers" who are household christian names. He's got some things to say. I think it matters because at some point what's in the dark must be brought into the light. </p><p>Also, let me be VERY clear that being gay is not a "sin", nor is it "bad". However, we have to understand that the hypocrisy of living a double life while publicly condemning homosexuality is wrong. It sends a horrible message to others who are LGB (Lesbian, gay, or bisexual). Eventually, we have to decide if we're going to use the bible as a determiner for non-heterosexual orientations or not. </p><p>More on that later. Here's the video. Enjoy.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ISCP-KhSbHg" width="492" youtube-src-id="ISCP-KhSbHg"></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-21970848738872474792021-03-25T02:41:00.007-04:002021-03-25T04:16:43.248-04:00The hypocrisy of the so-called christian/gospel music industry (featuring Tye Tribbett)<p> Gospel star Tye Tribbett does an impromptu rant on the gospel music industry. Once again, what's in the dark always comes into the light. I learned the truth about the gospel industry a few years back and well, there's nothing "gospel" about it. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/BjqdFGYhQ6Y" width="514" youtube-src-id="BjqdFGYhQ6Y"></iframe></div><br /><p>From what I see, it appears Tye Tribbett is at least fighting to not sell his soul. It seems his heart is good as well as his intentions for making music. So this article isn't about him being a hypocrite. (Although you never know. All I can go on is the information available to me at the time). </p><p>All in all, he seems pretty genuine compared to many christian artists who are just doing this christian music thing because, for example, they couldn't do secular music. </p><p>One thing is for sure: they may be "christian" on stage but backstage it's the same as your favorite rapper or rock star. I'll leave it there😳</p><p>Sooner or later we're gonna have to learn that the christian belief system causes a kind of "split personality" disorder. You can claim Jesus all day and molest your kids at night. You can sing praises to God on Sunday after Saturday night in the strip club. You can be a greedy capitalist but donate a huge sum to the church and be "righteous". You can beat your children to a pulp and clean up for Wednesday night midweek service. </p><p>This blatant, yet hidden hypocrisy is made possible by the Christian doctrine of forgiveness. Jesus has already taken the consequences of their karma for them on the cross. The lamb was slain. All that's left is forgiveness, i.e. a lack of accountability for whatever they do. Modern-day Christianity offers all the perks with no detriments.</p><p>In the dawn of the internet and social media, Christian messiness is spilling out everywhere these days. It's socially acceptable for christians to live completely opposite lifestyles than what they preach and in this case, different lifestyles than the one they get PAID WELL to portray ....for many, in fact, who are getting paid better than most of us. </p><p>But who am I to say this? After all, "they're only human".... Sigh.</p><p>Now, as someone coming from a fundamentalist christian church cult, where it was a `purity culture` and the standard for living "righteous" was so extreme, I am not saying that we should be extreme. That's not only unrealistic, it's inhuman. Such a cult-based, cookie-cutter approach is Christian fundamentalism, which robs you of your humanity. </p><p>Here's the other side of the story: In defense of gospel artists who ARE sincere, they are often forced to live a lie. The pressure to be a devout Christian in the public eye is overwhelming. You have to never have a bad day. Always be in the mood to praise God no matter how you are feeling. Raise your hands to the sky on stage regardless if you feel like it. Even the best of people become a shell of their true selves after awhile. </p><p>There has to be a middle ground here...somewhere. Making mistakes is human. Having a bad day is part of life. However, we can draw the line at living a WHOLE LIE under the guise of being a christian, which is just plain ole hypocrisy. </p><p><br /></p><p>We need to stop making excuses for "saved" folk under this "don't judge" and the "we're all human and a work in progress" stuff. That's deflection. We live in a society that has one set of rules for christians and another set of rules for everyone else. </p><p><br /></p><p>As someone in church leadership who saw a few things behind the scenes, it isn't what they portray it to be. It's BUSINESS. </p><p>They tell you it's for God. They tell you it's about God. </p><p>They tell us it's about people. </p><p><br /></p><p>It's about money, sex... and just more selfish gain for themselves... at our expense. </p><p><br /></p><p>But when it's all said and done, depending on what you personally believe, for me, KARMA is undefeated. Part of karma is holding these people accountable, though. Not using this "one day they'll get their come-uppins" stuff to excuse us from the work of holding these people's feet to the fire and to stop rewarding them for bad behavior with our money, time, devotion, "forgiveness" and energy. </p><p><br /></p><p>Kirk Franklin cussing out his son is a perfect example. Alot of people are defending him under the "stop being hypocritical, you know you're sinning too" clause of deniability. That's why so much dysfunction keeps passing on to the next generation. We won't call it out and shut it down. Interesting video on the "Christian" music industry-or what is CALLED Christian music.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3959594161884746816.post-61490927789225919392021-03-23T13:52:00.000-04:002021-03-23T13:52:02.639-04:00Boston Church of Christ [ICOC] steals private journals of four men and 'disfellowships' them #unlearnreligion<p> ****This story is ongoing, so stay tuned for future developments. This article is, by no means, written to be fully comprehensive of all that is going on here****</p><br /><p>Check out the story <a href="https://www.manchungchong.com/post/unlearnreligion-open-letter-to-the-eldership-of-the-boston-churches-of-christ" target="_blank">here</a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.manchungchong.com/post/unlearnreligion-open-letter-to-the-eldership-of-the-boston-churches-of-christ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Spiritual abuse in ICOC" border="0" data-original-height="1480" data-original-width="1480" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwwrzUINJzPdFHdiJ9xYDfVjVwrTvSCyHS2eQIdr6Rx5gJkKmxQgrTo9Nd-Nhnw_xqU0SSAubT9azpyWx-QxwVXcIYYlHXv-rQI7fqNCHlFzKLt7923dhIoARxRbGcA-m57945iBGF9LNd/w400-h400/Boston+ICOC+ex+membes.webp" title="#unlearnreligion" width="400" /></a></div><p></p><p>*<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Picture: Ex-ICOC members Marcus Mesquitta, Justin Singletary, Arluah Wontan and Manny Chong</span></p><p>I just caught wind of this situation and wanted to document it for historical purposes. The Boston Movement, the <i><b>ground zero</b> </i>ministry that went on to launch what is now known as the <a href="http://www.reveal.org/development/Toxic.pdf" target="_blank">International Church of Christ</a>, or ICOC, is alive and well in Boston, Massachusetts as of 2021. Members of the church constantly dismiss those of us who publicly expose the spiritual abuse of the ICOC due to what they claim are old and outdated practices. In other words, the abuse and corruption of the church <i><b>supposedly</b></i> doesn't happen anymore. </p><p>Let me be the first to say that this is false. The true story I am referencing in this article is evidence that a leopard doesn't change its spots. Neither does a zebra change its stripes. </p><p>The Boston Church of the ICOC hasn't changed. At one point, the media was hot on the tail of the ICOC. Everyone from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-IJi_0lNN4&t=93s" target="_blank">investigative news documentaries</a> to college campus newspapers to FBI watch lists were exposing the cult practices of the ICOC movement. Unfortunately, the media has let up on the ICOC in recent years, for various reasons. This is why members of the ICOC today claim that the spiritual abuse and cult dynamics are a thing of the past, what they refer to dismissively as the "old ICOC". </p><p>For those of us who were around back in the "bad old days", these ICOC defenders are referring to the "pre-Kreite letter" era. Sort of like how history is broken into "before Christ" [B.C.] and "after Christ" [A.D.]. The ICOC is B.K. [Before Kriete] and A.K. [After Kriete]. </p><p>Learn [or refresh your memory] about the infamous Henry Kriete letter by clicking <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT9GHVnZR24&t=1s" target="_blank">here</a>.</p><h1 style="text-align: left;">The new "Henry Kriete Letter"</h1><div>The four young men who are speaking out about being kicked out of the ICOC are: Marcus Mesquitta, Justin Singletary, Arluah Wontan and Manny Chong. These men are responsible for the open letter linked below. This letter was written in response to what they call an "unjust disfellowship" by leaders of the Boston ICOC. </div><div><br /></div><div>For those who would like to read the full open letter, please click the Google Doc Link below:<div class="XzvDs _208Ie ljrnk blog-post-text-font blog-post-text-color _2QAo- _25MYV _1Fao9 ljrnk public-DraftStyleDefault-block-depth0 public-DraftStyleDefault-text-ltr" id="viewer-85rij" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; font-family: avenir-lt-w01_35-light1475496, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; min-height: var(--ricos-custom-p-min-height,unset); outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); box-sizing: inherit;" /></span></div><p class="XzvDs _208Ie ljrnk blog-post-text-font blog-post-text-color _2QAo- _25MYV _1Fao9 ljrnk public-DraftStyleDefault-block-depth0 public-DraftStyleDefault-text-ltr" id="viewer-dcs7g" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; min-height: var(--ricos-custom-p-min-height,unset); outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a class="_2qJYG blog-link-hashtag-color _2xVcV _2E8wo" href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ukh7SLUKsOQzih18ZrtLDpf90aaQ2YCqgH5tuEu2aig/edit#heading=h.w4zumdiqodtb" rel="noopener" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; color: #57bbbf; cursor: pointer; font-family: var(--ricos-custom-link-font-family,unset); font-size: var(--ricos-custom-link-font-size,unset); font-stretch: inherit; font-style: var(--ricos-custom-link-font-style,unset); font-variant: inherit; font-weight: var(--ricos-custom-link-font-weight,unset); line-height: var(--ricos-custom-link-line-height,unset); margin: 0px; min-height: var(--ricos-custom-link-min-height,unset); outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><u class="sDZYg" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ukh7SLUKsOQzih18ZrtLDpf90aaQ2YCqgH5tuEu2aig/edit#heading=h.w4zumdiqodtb</u></a> </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiujswK3bbudW264VXzD0wWDfBeelc9Ng_dZ7uLIpFBlXkZ83hpuGvHEzF1RvKjrk0rtYqUeP4VXPWfLiabxEBMpL0v802YBWSLA6RT4cX3_8l7wYG-QMwILBUX-L9r1KBmzzOjzejQzaOy/s300/dear+church+leaders.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiujswK3bbudW264VXzD0wWDfBeelc9Ng_dZ7uLIpFBlXkZ83hpuGvHEzF1RvKjrk0rtYqUeP4VXPWfLiabxEBMpL0v802YBWSLA6RT4cX3_8l7wYG-QMwILBUX-L9r1KBmzzOjzejQzaOy/w640-h358/dear+church+leaders.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The "open letter" isn't anything new. Henry Kriete's infamous letter back in 2003 was also an open letter to the church. I myself, mass emailed an open letter before I left the ICOC back in 2006.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />The open letter is considered an honorable approach to addressing church dysfunction. After all, the majority of the new testament are open letters from Paul written to churches. More often than not, Paul's letters were to address bad stuff going on. So it makes sense why we feel that writing an open letter to the church is the right thing to do.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />What we find, however, is that "open letters" do little to nothing to change the toxic ICOC culture. Open letters, regardless of the heart poured into every word, or the earnest yearning to make things right, fail to penetrate a cult.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />These guys, from what I see, probably wouldn't go as far as to say the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_mvuNEZ2ak" target="_blank">ICOC is a cult</a>. They are currently pushing a hashtag on social media, #unlearnreligion, to forge change and bring awareness to church abuse. I'm assuming the first order of change they wish to see is repentance in the ICOC, particularly in their home ministry in Boston. Perhaps they want to "make the ICOC great again". </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Typically grievances begin this way. We respond to the spiritual abuse that is directly affecting us. Eventually, we realize it's much bigger than the immediate situation. The <b>corruption in the ICOC is systemic</b>. It's worldwide. And it actually isn't even corruption. Corruption means it was uncorrupted in the first place.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As hard it may be to accept, the ICOC was corrupt from the very beginning. If these four guys haven't gone down the rabbithole of ICOC history [and what came before it, i.e. the Stone-Campbell movement], then now is a good time to start.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6NineReN4biconiduy9IV3IV-0HZqU8sbh5WReC-YcJYmW8dHXiNYbvYKfZh8cwsInwnHVbQ6grrzGLaRsRBK6YLGPP4DhGc98rCA00TCz4NThez5oJgU99i7a-X74e_8YeHUUt2RC1YH/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="170" data-original-width="297" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6NineReN4biconiduy9IV3IV-0HZqU8sbh5WReC-YcJYmW8dHXiNYbvYKfZh8cwsInwnHVbQ6grrzGLaRsRBK6YLGPP4DhGc98rCA00TCz4NThez5oJgU99i7a-X74e_8YeHUUt2RC1YH/w400-h229/image.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If they continue this fight against the ICOC powers that be, they will soon find that this is no ordinary religion. These are dark spiritual forces at play. We're moving <b><i>way past</i></b> religion, although it <b><i>is</i></b> one and an <b><i>extreme fundamentalist</i></b> one at that. What we are entering into is CULT territory.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />You can learn all the details by clicking <a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">here</a>, so I won't go into all the details now, since they know much more than I do about their own situation. All I know is that somehow another ICOC member stole a private journal from at least one or two of these guys [maybe all four] and gave it to the leaders. [They name the specific ICOC Boston [BCOC] leaders who perpetuated this].</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />Whatever was written in the prayer journals of these brothers, the leaders decided that they needed to be kicked out the church, ASAP. This "sudden disfellowship" was said to transpire in the basement of the brother's house where they were living together as "kingdom roommates". The leader[s] came to the house to tell them they were kicked out.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />Anyone who has ever been in the ICOC knows how earth-shattering it is to get expelled from "God's kingdom". The ICOC indoctrinates its members to believe that the ICOC is more than a church-it is the literal "kingdom of God". Membership of the ICOC = membership in the "Book of Life".</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In other words, they brainwash members with the idea that whoever is a member of the ICOC on earth will be a member of whoever gets into heaven after they die - or when the so-called rapture happens. </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That's how serious it is both spiritually and psychologically. And getting kicked out of the ICOC on earth is supposed to mean one is also being kicked out of heaven.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Also, getting put out of the church locks the door behind you ever getting back in. Typically, when I was a member, people who were kicked out never were allowed back in again.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />Anyone not in the ICOC wondering why this is such a big deal, that is why.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />I read the open letter [available by clicking <a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">here</a>] from the guys to the church and the elders and it reminds me of <a href="https://www.blogger.com/#">Henry Kriete's "Honest to God" letter</a>. The constant use of bible scriptures is very telling. These brothers are trying to appeal to people using the bible. They think these ICOC leaders care about bible scriptures. They believe that the ICOC's obsession with the phrase, "the bible is the standard" comes from a place of integrity. They don't realize [yet] that the bible is not what the ICOC tells you about in the Word study. In reality, when it hits the fan, ICOC leaders are not to be rebuked, corrected, or challenged by 'underlings'.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The only way leaders are challenged is by other leaders or elders above them on the food chain. The only time I ever saw a leader confronted was over a scandal that goes public and the leader is "demoted" to save the church's reputation. Or they're being punished for standing up for what is right against other leaders.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />However, this is not about the ICOC not obeying the "scriptural approach to resolving conflict" or the "biblical" way to address issues with leadership. It is about control.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />I didn't read the prayer journals of these young men, but I'm pretty certain that the leaders who read these journals kicked these four guys out because their private thoughts were in some way threatening the status quo of the church. </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When the ICOC wants to get rid of you for no legitimate reason, they hide behind the guise of "causing disunity". </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I speculate these journals had written thoughts about the church, specifically about the leadership and criticisms of the ICOC culture.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />When the leaders saw these private journals [I'm not EVEN getting into these journals being STOLEN by another ICOC member and given to the leadership behind the men's backs!!], the leaders DIDN'T correct the person who actually stole the journals, they USED the journals as a "smoking gun" to confront AND condemn the brothers as if they were "in hidden sin" and needed to be exposed!</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />In fact, that's exactly what it is. I know the ICOC. I was there for 11 years. These private journals were seen by the leaders as "hidden sin" against the church. Private thoughts in cults are not allowed-especially when these thoughts and opinions go against the status quo of the church.</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The ICOC doesn't care about disfellowshipping people according to the new testament examples. They aren't interested in following the rules they lay out for others. If you're making too much noise, causing too much trouble for leadership, if you're disrupting the status quo, you must be expelled. As I said, usually in the name of "causing factions" or causing "disunity".</span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">These brothers learned the hard way how disposable they are in the eyes of the ICOC. It is the hunger games. Anyone and everyone is disposable if they threaten the church status quo. No one is safe. And no one is truly loved. Or cared about. These four guys found out that everything they sacrificed for the ICOC (time, money, energy, free labor) is all in vain. The ICOC is a giant bloodsucking vampire. When they're done with you, they are done. Whoever you think your friends are in the church, they will distance themselves from you after you are no longer in the church- especially after being so-called disfellowshipped. </span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span>This open letter written in 2020 might as well have been written in 2003. The same issues these young men are discussing are the same ones Henry Kriete wrote about. They're the same issues I wrote about. The same issues so many ex-members of the Boston Movement and the Crossroads movement dealt with.<p></p><p class="XzvDs _208Ie ljrnk blog-post-text-font blog-post-text-color _2QAo- _25MYV _1Fao9 ljrnk public-DraftStyleDefault-block-depth0 public-DraftStyleDefault-text-ltr" id="viewer-dcs7g" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; min-height: var(--ricos-custom-p-min-height,unset); outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br />The issues with the ICOC is nothing new. It may be new to Marcus, Justin, Arluah and Manny, but it is as old as the movement itself. That's why I'm so against the rhetoric that the church is new and improved and is no longer how it used to be. New members come in and are indoctrinated during the bible studies to believe there is an "old" ICOC [i.e. we kicked that guy[Kip Mckean] out] and a "current" ICOC.</p><p class="XzvDs _208Ie ljrnk blog-post-text-font blog-post-text-color _2QAo- _25MYV _1Fao9 ljrnk public-DraftStyleDefault-block-depth0 public-DraftStyleDefault-text-ltr" id="viewer-dcs7g" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; min-height: var(--ricos-custom-p-min-height,unset); outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /> <span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; white-space: normal;">Both are the same. I will continue to learn more about the situation as it unfolds. The fellas who have been disfellowshipped seem to be doing okay. I wish them the very best and I hope they never return to the ICOC or any organization like it. #Unlearningreligion is great. I hope it evolves to #beyondreligion.</span></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; white-space: normal;"><br /></span></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span class="vkIF2 public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background: transparent; border: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; direction: ltr; display: block; font: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0