Losing my religion

Below is a real comment on a blog post titled, " 5 Tell Tale Signs Your Church is geared to insiders not outsiders ". I'm going to answer the question at the end, since this person's observations illustrates what church is like for most:  I attend a fairly large church that had some troubles in the past with the Pastor (among many other things) advancing his own agenda and his own family as staff. Again, there were other things. My problem is that, with that Pastor gone, it appears to be happening again. While in both cases, I would say, the Pastors children seemed to be godly Christians, but there is this underlying sense that they are using the Church to advance their own families. And then it creates this tight circle. It’s absolutely wonderful that a pastor can manage to care for a church and then have his children desiring to walk and work in the Church. So why does it feel so very wrong? My answer: Why it feels wrong is simple, but hard to accept. Look, we need ...

Purity culture is prevalent in many religious and church environments. It is pervasive in cults, especially church cults.  What IS "purity culture"? First and foremost, understand that most groups that practice purity culture do not CALL it purity culture. This is a term those of us who are on the outside use to put a name to it. This helps us to identify what it is so we can analyze it and understand it better. The hope is that knowledge is power and 'diagnosing' these toxic cultural dynamics can help others avoid it altogether or, if they're in it, to know what is happening to them so they can get out and not blame themselves. "Purity culture" is  something you feel but can't touch. It's a culture of both spoken and unspoken rules that dictates what behaviors are acceptable [and unacceptable] to be "pure" in the eyes of God.  I myself was in a purity culture for almost 12 years as a teenage and young single woman so I know this exper...

If you're new to this blog, I am an ex-member and survivor of the International Church of Christ [ICOC] cult. A member for almost 12 years, I experienced many words and phrases used to manipulate people's minds, hearts, and souls. I, myself, was manipulated by these phrases and had participated in manipulating others during my time there. The ICOC, like all cults, are master manipulators. What makes it so egregious is that they use the bible, God, and Jesus to seduce people. The initial contact with the ICOC (or ICC) -or any of their affiliate churches- may seem benign. But there is a sinister intent driven by the evangelical, fundamentalist, ego-centric, elitist culture of this church organization.  The ICOC's mission is very militaristic: "make disciples of all nations". This means a religious version of imperialism, where the ICOC conquers the globe, making converts (or "winning souls") one person at a time.  Instead of physical force, the ICOC uses ...

Been thinking alot about what we as people give our trust to....I think we give away our trust way too easily. Leaders, politicians, social media influencers, you tube or face book personalities, and religious figures (pastors, church leaders) who have the "gift of gab" can too easily convince us that they have the answers to our lives.  After my own cult experience, I realized that I didn't have healthy intellectual boundaries. I was recruited and converted as a teenager into the  #ICOC cult, so it makes sense that with so little life experience (and an undeveloped personal identity) that I entrusted myself to these people so easily. It was a hard, painful lesson with long reaching consequences. Today, as a cult survivor of many years now, I have learned something: my trust has to be earned. I don't care that someone speaks on something with authority. I've seen so much in my life about people and the nature of people to know better.  I don't care that my dou...

Life after spiritual abuse and cult abuse is unpredictable in many aspects. But one thing that has remained constant over the years since I left the ICOC cult back in 2006 (a very long time ago, folks) is the feedback I get from people who identify as Christian or who identify as "spiritual". This includes fellow cult survivors.  It never fails. Especially the assumptions I am about to discuss that these people have of me. They see my content, be it on You Tube, Facebook, or on this blog and assume the following: Assumption #1: I am damaged goods.  They assume that I am broken, defeated, and a wounded little Bambi trapped in a well needing rescuing. They feel sorry for me. They reach out to me to virtually hug me or hold my hand before ever-so-subtly telling me to "get over it" in their nicety nice christian, "love & light" language. They are "concerned" about me. Their heart "bleeds" over this abuse I've suffered. They say thin...