Signs that Your Belief System No Longer Serves You
With the new year fast approaching, many of us delegate that time to make big life changes. I have some great ideas for this blog in 2012 and my hope is that more and more people will see this and be helped by it in some way. You may be pondering your current circumstances in your church and wondering if this is what you signed up for. In this time of transition, I'd like to offer some signs to look for to give you some extra help as you seek to follow your inner guide.
Your belief system no longer serves you when:
1. You dread Sunday mornings. In fact, you look for justifiable reasons NOT to go, like when you were a kid and you said you had a tummy ache or a fever so you didn't have to go to school. You may even have panic attacks.
2A. The pastor's sermons begin recycling. His material is fresh to the newbies, but you know that he did the same three-point sermon last year at this same time. How many times are you going to hear the LOVE sermon on the 4 types of love- AGAPE, EROS, PHILEO, and (the other one) ...
2B. Pastor's sermons have become "pop-sermons". Example: Three Ways to Know God's Heart:
1. Pray 2. Preach the word and 3. Pain. The 3 P's....very limerricky.
3. Something happens in the church to reveal scandal, like sexual misconduct, "mismanaging" finances, or spiritual abuse. Maybe there's a whistleblower in the ministry staff who speaks out against the institution. When you (or others) approach the church leaders, i.e. the pastor, his wife, you begin to see their true colors and it ain't pretty. Your foundation is shook. Even after the storm has blown over, and the church leader has given his/her "sudo-apology" things can never be the same, as you can no longer blindly submit as you once agreed to in the past.
4. You begin to fold under the pressure. There are so many rules-especially unspoken rules-and the environment of constant critique and judgmentalism has become too heavy to bear. You are tired of having to be "covered" and having to justify your every move to people deemed to be your spiritual authority- whether they be prayer partners, deacons or otherwise. You now begin to feel how suffocated you've been all this time and you secretly yearn for freedom. In fact, you begin passive-aggressively "rebelling" i.e. going on summer vacation without getting advice about it.
5. You feel like an outsider.You are in church, or at a church friend's barbecue and everyone seems so fake. You feel all alone in a crowded room. You know that you are having an emotional day, but you know subconsciously that you cannot tell anyone because you will be "discipled" and shown a scripture to fix you. Thing is, you don't need to be fixed. You need love.
5. You can't pray or read the bible. You are bored with your personal bible time and prayer. The scriptures are taped on your bathroom mirror, the crucifix is dangling from your rearview mirror in the car, the christian music CD is in your tapedeck...but it's starting to not be the same. You're still sinning..and you're still miserable.
6. Things you do or say now seem ridiculous. You begin to reflect on all your "Ned Flanders moments" and you cringe...you also notice how out of touch with people you really are with your "too blessed to be depressed" persona. You are exhausted from having to appear perfect to "non-beleivers" as Jesus' PR rep. You want to be real and feel connected to humanity again.
7. You are depressed and you can't seem to shake it. There is something wrong inside and you can't pray it away. No scriptures can ease the discomfort in your soul. Something is wrong.
8. Your heart isn't in it. "Faking it to make it" just isn't cuttin' the mustard anymore. You have an internal battle ensuing inside you-why are things the way they are?
9. People you thought were lifelong friends begin dropping hints-ever-so-subtly- that they would never talk to you again if you left. Meanwhile, people are steady leaving the church. You begin to feel like the one sitting in the movie theater watching the movie while people are jumping up and running out. You can't help but wonder what's wrong and if you need to be moving, too. In the past, there was always a consistent turnover rate, but now it's not the "spiritually weak" leaving. Rather it's people you love and admire, the cornerstones of the church packing thier bags. To add to the madness, the leadership demonizes them and says they have fallen into the snare of Satan. But you know better. If these people are leaving, then something MUST be wrong...You are forced to question...
10. You are burnt out physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You realize that the energy you are putting into serving the church, going to events, giving to fundraisers and weekly tithes is taking more of you than you are getting back. In fact, you aren't getting anything back. You can no longer ignore it, as your life is a mess as you have put your own affairs on the backburner to "serve God" and "evangelize the world"..or just be committed to maintaining your particular church.
11. You just don't buy the doctrine anymore. You have questions-big questions. The thing is, you are not allowed to question. You can't question the leaders, you can't question the bible, you can't question the way things are done. But now you can't stop yourself. You need answers. If you joined when you were a child or a teenager then at 30 you have to come to your own conclusions about your beliefs.
12. You feel the urge to seek out new things and new people. You find yourself attracted to "secular" music, "secular" people and "secular" ideology. You think about your gay friend..he CAN'T be going to hell, right? He is a good guy-in fact, he is more authentic than anyone in the church. You pushed down and ignored the doctrine that only you and those who subscibed to your particular faith were going to go to heaven...the doubts begin bobbing up to the surface and can no longer be held down. Now you are faced with the fact that what the group believes is what you believe -by default. And so, you're not the "exception" or "joe-cool" christian like you thought you were. You sober up.
13. You see that people who are non-religious are there for you when your christian friends are not. How can they not be "saved" ? you allow yourself to wonder. That always bothered you, but now it really bothers you to the point that you can't tolerate it the way you're used to.
14. Christianity hasn't delivered on its promises. Where is the peace, joy, patience, and personal victory you were supposed to have through accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If you are in a "prosperity" church, where is all the prosperity? Why is it that the pastor is the only one prospering? Does God have favorites? Why am I still single? Why am I divorced? Why am I so broke? Why am I so sick or bedridden? It seems people who are non-religious are prospering more than those who profess to be "God's Chosen". Or, it seems that the playing field is way TOO even. Now you wonder-secretly-what the point of being a Christian is if there are no benefits or perks. Just wearing the title "saved" isn't good enough anymore.
You've followed the rules. You kept your vows of celibacy. You never were yoked with unbelievers. You read your bible. You gave money you didn't have...but it never was enough. A life of rules, restricitons, self-denial and sacrifice..and for what? A church you can never please and a God who you can REALLY never please. So now you give up trying.
15. You done gon' CRAZY. Casting out demons and fighting "SIN" in your life has made you damn-near schizophrenic. Speaking in tongues, laying hands on people, sprinkling gold dust, and holy laughter has got you off the deep end. Alarms begin going off...HELP!!
Have a wonderful holiday season, everyone! I send you lots of love and if you need to talk to someone, reach out and leave me a note. I'd love to chat with you. Just know if any of these Signs apply, you are not alone. I have lived all of them and I have survived. In fact, I have thrived. It feels like your world is over and you have lost everything... but when you let things go, it only makes room for more to come in.
See you in 2012!
Peace,
Helen
Your belief system no longer serves you when:
1. You dread Sunday mornings. In fact, you look for justifiable reasons NOT to go, like when you were a kid and you said you had a tummy ache or a fever so you didn't have to go to school. You may even have panic attacks.
2A. The pastor's sermons begin recycling. His material is fresh to the newbies, but you know that he did the same three-point sermon last year at this same time. How many times are you going to hear the LOVE sermon on the 4 types of love- AGAPE, EROS, PHILEO, and (the other one) ...
2B. Pastor's sermons have become "pop-sermons". Example: Three Ways to Know God's Heart:
1. Pray 2. Preach the word and 3. Pain. The 3 P's....very limerricky.
3. Something happens in the church to reveal scandal, like sexual misconduct, "mismanaging" finances, or spiritual abuse. Maybe there's a whistleblower in the ministry staff who speaks out against the institution. When you (or others) approach the church leaders, i.e. the pastor, his wife, you begin to see their true colors and it ain't pretty. Your foundation is shook. Even after the storm has blown over, and the church leader has given his/her "sudo-apology" things can never be the same, as you can no longer blindly submit as you once agreed to in the past.
4. You begin to fold under the pressure. There are so many rules-especially unspoken rules-and the environment of constant critique and judgmentalism has become too heavy to bear. You are tired of having to be "covered" and having to justify your every move to people deemed to be your spiritual authority- whether they be prayer partners, deacons or otherwise. You now begin to feel how suffocated you've been all this time and you secretly yearn for freedom. In fact, you begin passive-aggressively "rebelling" i.e. going on summer vacation without getting advice about it.
5. You feel like an outsider.You are in church, or at a church friend's barbecue and everyone seems so fake. You feel all alone in a crowded room. You know that you are having an emotional day, but you know subconsciously that you cannot tell anyone because you will be "discipled" and shown a scripture to fix you. Thing is, you don't need to be fixed. You need love.
5. You can't pray or read the bible. You are bored with your personal bible time and prayer. The scriptures are taped on your bathroom mirror, the crucifix is dangling from your rearview mirror in the car, the christian music CD is in your tapedeck...but it's starting to not be the same. You're still sinning..and you're still miserable.
6. Things you do or say now seem ridiculous. You begin to reflect on all your "Ned Flanders moments" and you cringe...you also notice how out of touch with people you really are with your "too blessed to be depressed" persona. You are exhausted from having to appear perfect to "non-beleivers" as Jesus' PR rep. You want to be real and feel connected to humanity again.
7. You are depressed and you can't seem to shake it. There is something wrong inside and you can't pray it away. No scriptures can ease the discomfort in your soul. Something is wrong.
8. Your heart isn't in it. "Faking it to make it" just isn't cuttin' the mustard anymore. You have an internal battle ensuing inside you-why are things the way they are?
9. People you thought were lifelong friends begin dropping hints-ever-so-subtly- that they would never talk to you again if you left. Meanwhile, people are steady leaving the church. You begin to feel like the one sitting in the movie theater watching the movie while people are jumping up and running out. You can't help but wonder what's wrong and if you need to be moving, too. In the past, there was always a consistent turnover rate, but now it's not the "spiritually weak" leaving. Rather it's people you love and admire, the cornerstones of the church packing thier bags. To add to the madness, the leadership demonizes them and says they have fallen into the snare of Satan. But you know better. If these people are leaving, then something MUST be wrong...You are forced to question...
10. You are burnt out physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You realize that the energy you are putting into serving the church, going to events, giving to fundraisers and weekly tithes is taking more of you than you are getting back. In fact, you aren't getting anything back. You can no longer ignore it, as your life is a mess as you have put your own affairs on the backburner to "serve God" and "evangelize the world"..or just be committed to maintaining your particular church.
11. You just don't buy the doctrine anymore. You have questions-big questions. The thing is, you are not allowed to question. You can't question the leaders, you can't question the bible, you can't question the way things are done. But now you can't stop yourself. You need answers. If you joined when you were a child or a teenager then at 30 you have to come to your own conclusions about your beliefs.
12. You feel the urge to seek out new things and new people. You find yourself attracted to "secular" music, "secular" people and "secular" ideology. You think about your gay friend..he CAN'T be going to hell, right? He is a good guy-in fact, he is more authentic than anyone in the church. You pushed down and ignored the doctrine that only you and those who subscibed to your particular faith were going to go to heaven...the doubts begin bobbing up to the surface and can no longer be held down. Now you are faced with the fact that what the group believes is what you believe -by default. And so, you're not the "exception" or "joe-cool" christian like you thought you were. You sober up.
13. You see that people who are non-religious are there for you when your christian friends are not. How can they not be "saved" ? you allow yourself to wonder. That always bothered you, but now it really bothers you to the point that you can't tolerate it the way you're used to.
14. Christianity hasn't delivered on its promises. Where is the peace, joy, patience, and personal victory you were supposed to have through accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If you are in a "prosperity" church, where is all the prosperity? Why is it that the pastor is the only one prospering? Does God have favorites? Why am I still single? Why am I divorced? Why am I so broke? Why am I so sick or bedridden? It seems people who are non-religious are prospering more than those who profess to be "God's Chosen". Or, it seems that the playing field is way TOO even. Now you wonder-secretly-what the point of being a Christian is if there are no benefits or perks. Just wearing the title "saved" isn't good enough anymore.
You've followed the rules. You kept your vows of celibacy. You never were yoked with unbelievers. You read your bible. You gave money you didn't have...but it never was enough. A life of rules, restricitons, self-denial and sacrifice..and for what? A church you can never please and a God who you can REALLY never please. So now you give up trying.
15. You done gon' CRAZY. Casting out demons and fighting "SIN" in your life has made you damn-near schizophrenic. Speaking in tongues, laying hands on people, sprinkling gold dust, and holy laughter has got you off the deep end. Alarms begin going off...HELP!!
Have a wonderful holiday season, everyone! I send you lots of love and if you need to talk to someone, reach out and leave me a note. I'd love to chat with you. Just know if any of these Signs apply, you are not alone. I have lived all of them and I have survived. In fact, I have thrived. It feels like your world is over and you have lost everything... but when you let things go, it only makes room for more to come in.
See you in 2012!
Peace,
Helen
Great post. It can be hard when you're on the cusp, just feeling disconnected and like this isn't working, yet so scared to step away from that religion you used to believe so steadfastly. Trust that God is love, and if you follow love, you can't be moving too far from God, no matter what it looks like outwardly.
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