Guilt Porn: how modern-day churches are pushing 'toxic positivity' down our throats...

 

This video right here...... THIS guy.....THIS message....

Gag reflex activated.

Hear me out on this one before casting judgment.

This guy in the video has no arms....and no legs.

Sad, isn't it? Very sad. 

But he is a pawn. A pawn for who? you may be wondering. 

Where am I going with this?

Well, remember to hear me out before casting stones.

This man with no arms and no legs is a poster child for "toxic positivity".  And the church is using him as a brand ambassador for this toxic positivity message. 

This is not an indictment on the man. It is an indictment on modern-day Christianity. 

If you are unfamiliar with the term, "toxic positivity", I encourage you to look further into it. 

Toxic positivity is when positive thinking becomes toxic. It is a worldview and cultural mindset that idealizes "good vibes only".  Toxic positivity is the core philosophy behind the law of attraction, new age "love and light" practices.....and of course, the modern-day christian church. 

The only difference is that the church uses bible verses to push toxic positivity. Guilt-induced, toxic positivity packaged in bible verses and christian ideology.

I call this guilt porn. It's like, "Hey, this guy has no arms, so you have no excuse for anything!"  The gag reflex I feel with this...it's the "If I can do it, then anyone can!" [Did I mention I don't have arms? Or legs?] 

Now, every time I get down or depressed about my life problems I feel guilty because, well, I have my arms. I can walk, dammit. This guy has no legs!!! 

The audience: "How brave. How inspiring. How godly. Such a powerful testimony!! What an example he is of God's love and grace"

Tons of "amens" and a standing ovation.

Gag.

We've been hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Manipulated. Shamed.

You've just witnessed Christian toxic positivity in action.

Typical bible verses used to impart toxic positivity are some of the following;

Proverbs 18:21  "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

Matthew 18:18   "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Matthew 12:37 "For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Proverbs 13:3 “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin."

I've heard Joel Olsteen preach this one:

Psalm 33: 6 says, "By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host."

There are more, but these are some of the main ones. Chances are you've heard these used too. 

Of course, there is some truth to this. Most deceptive ideas have some truth tucked in there. That's how it becomes viral. The truth acts as a trojan horse for the lies or misinterpretations. 

What is the truth? It's true that we should be mindful of what we say. Words do matter. The intent behind the words matter just as much, if not more.  Having a positive mindset is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be an asset. 

Toxic positivity doesn't mean that positivity is toxic. It means that there is healthy positivity and there is toxic positivity.  

Healthy positivity is good. Thinking positive thoughts can help when you're trying to study for that tough exam or lose weight or starting that new job.  Thinking that you can't do it, that you will fail or that you are dumb is not productive. So it makes sense that one should cultivate and maintain a positive mindset. Who wants to be lost on a camping trip with the person who keeps saying "we're doomed!"

On the other side, toxic positivity is not healthy. In fact, it is suppressive. Toxic positivity demonizes "bad" emotions. It becomes cult-like. If you're having a crappy day, you have to hide it behind a smile and so-called positive words. If you're sick, you can't "claim it". If you're sad, you have to inhale and repeat mantras of gratitude. You have to constantly police your thoughts.  Instead of acknowledging  and processing your true thoughts and emotions, toxic positivity demands You to "rebuke" your real thoughts and emotions in the name of Jesus. You must "claim authority" over these feelings and thoughts and desires, if they are not "good". 

It gets darker.

Toxic positivity makes it unsafe to be human. It makes it unsafe to be authentic. Being around people who subscribe to toxic positivity (whether consciously or unconsciously) is not easy and it is not emotionally safe. 

And the church has taken toxic positivity to the next level. One time a church brother asked me how I was doing during Sunday church fellowship. I made the mistake of being truthful. I said I was having a migraine - which I was, with the church band blaring music loudly in my eardrums. The guy literally ran the other way, as if I had cooties. In his eyes, I was being "negative". 

I've been told by christian friends not to "Speak it into existence". If I was speaking casually and said, for instance, I was nervous about an upcoming interview, or if I shared my fears of failure or something I am worried about.... the friend would correct me, saying "Girl, don't claim that!" 

"Claiming" something is "bad" under toxic positivity IF it's doubt, worry, fear, anger, resentment, etc.

The only thing you can "claim" is things like, "I'm blessed and highly favored" or "God had plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future".

The problem is that we are human. Forcing yourself to be positive is not healthy. It becomes another mask you wear to please others. Toxic positivity strokes the ego, which always wants to be perceived as strong and in control. 

And toxic positivity causes a byproduct of guilt. Putting a person with no arms in front of the church congregation (and the world when displayed on you tube) is pure guilt porn. An over indulgence of guilt for being human. Guilt for being unhappy. Guilt for being sad. Guilt for your depression and your suicidal thoughts. Guilt for allowing your circumstance to impact you.

The church claims that the man with no arms/legs is there to be an inspiration with his "testimony".  But in reality - or my reality- the man with no arms is there to shame the rest of us with arms that we have no right to have a bad day because we have our arms. 

This type of presentation is lethal because it proports itself to be for the good of others but it secretly implies the opposite. It invalidates us as people with a spectrum of emotions and experiences and circumstances. 

Because this guy has no arms or legs, now you're shamed for having a headache and not coming to church because, again, if he came here with no arms, then a little headache is no excuse for anyone else.

The guy with no arms is a pawn in the church's game of control. They will use a story of a person severely disabled as the standard for the rest of us. "If they can [fill in the blank], then you can too." is the mental virus. This gives the church a way to avoid empathy and compassion for others. It disguises "suck it up!" as so-called being "convicted" by the man with no arms' story. We're supposed to be like him.  Every problem we encounter is supposed to be transposed onto his circumstances in comparison for validation of our right to suffer.

I always struggled with this. Toxic positivity is not just in church, it is pervasive throughout our society. People don't call it toxic positivity. They just speak and act and think that way. And they project it onto you and me. 

I want you to know that toxic positivity is real. It is not you being "negative" or "difficult". You need to know this exists and be able to put words to it so you understand what is happening to you and why. You need to be able to recognize toxic positivity when you encounter it in order to protect yourself from internalizing its poison. 

You matter. Your emotions are diverse and spectral. Your emotions, "good" or "bad" serve a function:

Emotions are not moral. They are indicators. 

  In fact, there are no "good" or "bad" emotions. Toxic positivity makes only "happy" emotions okay to feel and express. Suppressing and morally condemning emotions such as anger and disappointment can lead to self blame. You blame yourself for having these feelings and thoughts and it is the opposite of self love.

Toxic positivity is the enemy of self-love and self acceptance.

Being "love and light", "forgiving" and "grateful" without being real causes us to deny our true feelings. The modern-day church has turned positive thinking into a "hex" or a "curse" we put on ourselves anytime we say something honest, truthful, raw that is "negative" or "angry". 

Toxic positivity leads to burnout. It is a heavy burden to be "happy" and "blessed" all the time. It instills fear in us. Fear of "cursing" ourselves because, as one pastor and many self help people have said, "words are spells. That's why when we take the pen to write, it's called 'spelling". The pen is a wand, beloved, and so when we write we are casting spells." 

It's funny now,  but I bought into it when it was first said to me years ago.

Fake deep people, church folks, and new age inflencers push this toxic mindset. Many people are caught up in it. The law of attraction ideology has people out here scared to death of having "negative" thoughts out of fear that they will manifest these thoughts into reality. 

So, for example, if you feel like you're coming down with a cold, you cannot "claim it" or else it will become a cold from your words going into the universe, casing "spells" because, as the bible says, "life and death is in the power of the tongue". 

Guilt porn/toxic positivity invalidates our struggles. It forces us to compare our lives to someone else's and judge whether our problems are bigger than theirs. If the answer is no, then we are denied permission to have struggles. 

This is toxic. 

Look, if you're finding yourself captive to toxic positivity you've got to pull away from it. Take a few steps back and analyze. What rings true for you? Discard the rest. Living in fear or paranoia is not the way to exist. Just like with any belief system, toxic positivity should and must be analyzed, critiqued, and challenged. Anything short of that is a cult system. 

You are okay just as you are. You don't have to always be upbeat. Some days you're in a mood. Other days you may be more happy or even joyful. If you feel angry, feel it. Don't let society shame you for being human. Of course if you were abused you would feel emotions like anger. Toxic positivity takes away your right to experience your reality. You have the right to your reality and all that comes with it. 

No one gets to dictate to you what is okay and not okay to feel. And no one has the right to judge you based on some cult-like group think that doesn't serve you. 

Live. your. Life.

Stop apologizing for existing. You don't owe anyone an explanation for who you are, what you beleive, why you chose this, why you didn't choose that. Allow yourself to be human. When you do, you will be amazed at the inner growth you will experience as a byproduct. 

Until next time.