Losing my religion

In American Society, racism is a taboo subject. And in the church, it's even more taboo. But it was real. Very real. I experienced it firsthand. I remember the leader of my church (the pastor's wife) coming into my apartment (actually I was staying with two sisters in the church in a two-bedroom apartment) and blasting my roommate for having all "Afro-centric" decor. "You've got to get rid of this," She said with disgust, flailing her hands in dismay at the Kemetian (Egyptian) paintings on the wall she'd gotten at a Harlem festival. She said the "ethnic decor" was not conducive to evangelizing different kinds of people, that they would be somehow pushed away by my roommate celebrating her own culture. No "universal appeal"  our leader said, aggravated, her blue eyes flaming. It was weird at the time, but it was understood amongst my household that this woman was not "white" but our leader-the leader who God had appoint...

Throughout my post-church experiences, there is something I have realized. Religion is not about a particular church. It's not Christianity, Judaism, Islam or any other. In my Christian church days, I learned many valuable lessons through all the painful experiences. One of those lessons was about what actually constitutes a religion. After I left religion and entered the "secular" world, the contrast became more clear. In other words, I thought that I left religion behind when I left religion behind-if you get what I'm saying. But religion is not about church. In fact: Everything in our society is a religion! Our western American culture is a religion. So is our obsession with Hollywood and it's celebrities. And Sports. And politics....after all, the root word in culture is "cult"... See, religion is not about Jesus or Muhammad, Krishna or Yahweh. Religion is a paradigm, a social construct that is rigid and dense. It limits you. And confi...

Since I first started this blog back in 2011, I have gone through many changes. Really that's an understatement. With each blog, readers can see my journey, my own evolution. The question then becomes, evolution towards what? Good point. Today I conclude that what we call spirituality- a word so casually tossed  across the board- is perfectly individual. This is not a new concept, I realize this. But common sense is not always common. What we believe-from our perception of God, church, politics, education, etc.- was never meant to be a collective experience. That's why people experience so much conflict when other people are sharing their opinions on a subject. On You tube, you have millions of people commenting all sorts of things in protest of what someone else has to say. Others are having conversations and are getting caught up in disagreements because the other person thinks differently than they do.... Here's my new question: Why does it mat...

Can we grant ourselves permission to just be ? Do we have to....well, is anything a 'have-to'? From the cradle, we have been told a resounding 'YES!' But is that true? When I talk about permission with others, even spiritual people have considerable trouble grasping this.  It's assumed we have permission from ourselves to be ourselves. But is that true? Almost everything is what we 'have to' or 'should do', isn't it? Go to school, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 children, work 40 hours a week,  go to church, run around being 'busy'........ Such pressure is often invisible to the naked eye. But it's there. You can feel it. And I can feel it, too. These energies manifest as disapproval or rejection. As marginalization or exclusion from a group, an opportunity or a relationship. Truthfully, we are so indoctrinated with external values and ideas that it has become a part of us. We are running a program and we don...

I have a new perspective on prayer these days. Here's what I think is a powerful quote on the reality of prayer: "... when we pray to God, it's not the entity "God" that answers prayers, it's that we are harnessing the inherent power/frequency of that word which has the ultimate power to transform, transcend, heal and create. This accounts for the reason so many people in so many different religions experience a profound transformation when they pray or practice faith. They are all tapping into the same frequency that can transcend the perceived limits of this physical world. This is what we call "God Frequency ." Many times people don't think of God like that. To many, God is a guy on the throne in the sky looking down- sort of like a genie who is deciding to grant our wishes-or not. We think if we're a good-enough court jester, God will crack a smile and wave his magic wand on our behalf. Others will say that they don't think o...

I joined a group several months ago. It's a spiritual group. For anyone who's been following my blog for a while, you may be holding your breath at this very moment....but it wasn't like that at all. The woman who started the club invited me to join, and we had an instant connection.... Nevertheless, I was hesitant. But this woman was very comforting and she really helped me in my moment of need with her kind words, so I was more open to hearing about this group she had going. I'd been on my own spiritual journey for a while and was deeply desiring meaningful relationships again. If you check out the archives from last year, I wrote a blog on friendship and the experience of being all alone. When I walked away from my religion, I also walked away from the relationships formed inside of that religion. It was very traumatic losing everything I'd ever known, though I knew it was the right thing for me to do. So here I was, deciding whether to...

With the new year fast approaching, many of us delegate that time to make big life changes. I have some great ideas for this blog in 2012 and my hope is that more and more people will see this and be helped by it in some way. You may be pondering your current circumstances in your church and wondering if this is what you signed up for. In this time of transition, I'd like to offer some signs to look for to give you some extra help as you seek to follow your inner guide. Your belief system no longer serves you when:  1. You dread Sunday mornings. In fact, you look for justifiable reasons  NOT to go , like when you were a kid and you said you had a tummy ache or a fever so you didn't have to go to school. You may even have panic attacks. 2A. The pastor's sermons begin recycling. His material is fresh to the newbies, but you know that he did the same three-point sermon last year at this same time. How many times are you going to hear the LOVE sermon on the 4 types of lov...

Here on the east coast, there is a hurricane predicted to come tomorrow. They have evacuated parts of Queens, Brooklyn, and Manhattan. I grew up in NYC and I have never heard of a NYC evacution. Something is fishy about the timing of this whole thing. First an earthquake and now a hurricane-right before the anniversary of Katrina and 911? Back in my bible-thumping days, I would be very afraid. Afraid because the prophecies were coming true. There's a scripture that talks about earthquakes happening in many places and that the end is coming. If I was still religious-not to put down anyone who is-but I would be scared shitless. Here in America, there are entire Christian ministries devoted to end-time prophecy. You hear about the rapture so much that everytime something like this happens you-okay maybe me-I'll speak for myself here-I start worrying inside. I would feel uncertain about the future. I didn't want the world to end. I still don't. Nowdays, my focus i...

Hey,  Still on the journey... it's all a journey isn't it? Hopefully it is for us all. I know people who have been in the same spot on the yellow brick road for decades. And they don't seem to be planning to move anytime soon. I'm entering a new part of my journey, now. I've dug a little deeper and explored the "God" concept alot more. Is there a word for God? Is "God" really an accurate word to describe him? Is "Jehovah" or all the cool-sounding names in the bible  the way to do it? What about "Allah"or the other deity names? The more I learn about this "God" the more I see that you cannot put this "God" within the confines of a name. The creator, the most high is beyond our linear thought. Sure, gotta call this power something, but that doesn't qualify or quantify who "he" is. No words in verbal language can capture this "God" in its entirety. And, this "God" is ...

My friends, in the spirit of April Fools Day, that special time each year when the proverbial wool is pulled over your eyes and  SURPRISE!! You're the butt of the joke... well, no one pulls more wool over people's eyes and punks them better than the church and its friend religion . So I dedicate this blog..ode the church. You know, there is nothing like the experience of abandoning the rigid confines of your belief system. I am beginning to accept that it will take a lifetime for me to detox from what has been drilled into me since the day I was born. As I write this, I am still going through changes in my belief system. As for me, I am beginning to welcome the gospel of "I don't know".  Such a scary place, isn't it? I mean, religion is all about certainty. 100% certainty. You can't doubt it-even for a sliver of a second. ...And if you do doubt it has to make what you  already believe even stronger. But who really knows what happens after yo...

There's nothing I avoid more than running into people who I used to go to church with. Most times they are still in the church and they ask the infamous question: "So what are you doing these days?" Translation: Where are you going to church?   Are you going to church? Prove to me that you are still a Christian. "I'm good-I'm doing good-" I usually say. "MMHMMM" They usually say. Can't they see it in my eyes? Isn't it evident in my voice? Look at my glowing skin... MMHMMM translation: Whatever you say... They don't say it aloud, but I can see it in their eyes. I can hear it in their voice. They don't believe me. No matter what I say, how happy I am they don't see it. All they can see is what they've been programmed to see: saved or lost. blessed or cursed. In their mind there is only one formula for happy. Happy to the christian means serving God. Translation: serving the church. Happiness also...

"Let go and let God" Translation: Stop bitching about it to me. I have my own problems. "Did you pray about it?" Translation: Stop telling me because I don't care. Go tell God and let him listen to you. "You have to surrender it to God" Translation: Being human is unacceptable. Where is your faith? You aren't being faithful so that's why God isn't answering you. "You're never alone. You have Jesus." Translation: Stop being human. Shut down all emotions and physchological processes immediately. "God has a plan for your life." Translation: I have a plan for your life.

I was in the foyer after a Thursday night service  putting  on my coat when I bumped into a teenager named Shaq. Shaq's looks were true to his name-at 15, he was huge and softhearted. Usually he had a big koolaid smile but that night he looked confused, anxious. "Let me ask you a question," he said suddenly. "They keep telling me that God has a plan for my life-that's all I keep hearing. But no one will explain that to me." He paused momentarily. "Helen, do YOU think God has a plan for my life?" I was stopped in my tracks. His brown eyes said a thousand words: I'm lost, I'm guilty, I'm confused. Helen please tell me all this is real and not a lie. Unfortunately, I was still indoctrinated. I gave him a compassionate, well-meaning, but pat answer: "YEAH.." The awkwardness made my voice crack. "Suuuure-of course God has a plan for your life." "Well, how do I know?" More pat answers. "You pra...

The  word -cult- is still taboo in our society. Everyone is afraid of the big "C". I had a conversation with a friend who left the church. We were talking about how difficult it was to readjust to the rest of society after our experience. We both grew up in this church and I made the comment that it was a cult. Suddenly we were on different pages, speaking a different language.  "It wasn't a CULT," she stated softly but with indignance, "It was.....a VERY controlling environment." Well, let's all see the attributes of a cult and see if the shoes fits for our religious group or denomination... 1. the leader is charismatic and often militaristically demanding 2. the leader is always right 3. elitism, the leaders treated as royalty or a sense of awe, hierarchical, authoritarian power structure 4. lower members get no respect, or get abused 5. leader is not held accountable for his actions or the actions of his authority struct...

"Girl, you'll never guess what I did!" Cradling the phone under my ear with my shoulder I was wide-eyed and intrigued. " No, tell me." "I just bought a house!" I almost choked on the carrot I was eating, pretending it was a orange-glazed sweet roll. "What ?!"   I was intimidated and excited for her all at once. "I don't know...I just did it. My mom co-signed for me and God worked all the details out...I still can't believe it.!" Since we both came from the campus ministry this house was a defiant crossover into the world of adulthood.   We had known each other since our sophomore year of college and we practically grew up together...  in the church. The church leaders where she lived disapproved of her getting a house becasue she was not married. Since she was single it was viewed as irresponsible. My friend went on to explain how she just couldn't wait to get married before she could do the things she wa...

Am I the only one who thinks that Sensa is crack cocaine? Come on. who do they think they're fooling? I know cocaine when I see it-even FDA approved cocaine. I sprinkle it on my food and I lose my appetite?....  yep, Crack-cocaine.

It has been in my heart and on my mind. Single women in the christian church. When I see a group of christian women together, when I have memories of me and the girls... going out to eat going shopping going on vacation the christian single life reminds me of sex in the city... no, wait a minute. My bad.... I meant, Sexless in the City.  I know women who are virgins at 40 years old-and older. Women who were waiting on God to send them that man from the clouds of heaven. Women who were virgins when they became a christian  and years have passed them by while they dated Jesus. At 40, if you're gonna end up being single,  you might as well have enjoyed the ride like Carrie and the girls! I also know people who weren't virgins, but spent their lives trying to be "born-again virgins".  It was always a battle trying to resist the devil as he showed up in the forms of strong, maculine men.  In the church if you had sex before mar...

Different people leave the church system of religion for different reasons. Statistics show millions are leaving the church system as we know it, particularly in North America. I left in two phases. The first phase was me leaving the church itself. I had always had seeds of doubt, but I was willing to squash them on faith- or what I had always been taught was faith. But what I couldn't squash was the love factor. The lack of love among Christians was never-ending. If God was love, and the church was always marketed to be about love-not just love but unconditional love- then why were my fellow christians so heartless? Why did the preacher always have to preach sermons on love or have a "love campaign" just to get us to be involved in each other's lives?  I sat in countless church meetings-both casual and ministry staff meetings-where we discussed-or "shared" openly about our struggle to call one another, hang out together, and basically "b...

What do you do when you leave church or religion  and have made all your memories with these people? When you have boxes of photo albums filled with their pictures?   They own your memories. A song triggers a memory of you dancing together in the kitchen. A smell reminds you of when the gang went on vacation that summer. A color takes you back to your roommate’s wedding.   Now there is no one. Since your time and energy went into building these imaginary relationships, now you realize you drove your real friends away years ago. What happens when these real friends survive your belief system but are not as close to you after all these years as they could have been, when blocks of their lives have come and gone without you in it.... The single lifestyle is very difficult to maintain without friendships because of the constant social pressure to not be alone.   This single lifestyle is lonely by design - especially if you live alone and you are f...