Losing my religion

Life after spiritual abuse and cult abuse is unpredictable in many aspects. But one thing that has remained constant over the years since I left the ICOC cult back in 2006 (a very long time ago, folks) is the feedback I get from people who identify as Christian or who identify as "spiritual". This includes fellow cult survivors.  It never fails. Especially the assumptions I am about to discuss that these people have of me. They see my content, be it on You Tube, Facebook, or on this blog and assume the following: Assumption #1: I am damaged goods.  They assume that I am broken, defeated, and a wounded little Bambi trapped in a well needing rescuing. They feel sorry for me. They reach out to me to virtually hug me or hold my hand before ever-so-subtly telling me to "get over it" in their nicety nice christian, "love & light" language. They are "concerned" about me. Their heart "bleeds" over this abuse I've suffered. They say thin...

  I was a member of the International Church of Christ [ICOC] for almost 12 years. It was a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs: verbal abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, manipulation, mental breakdowns, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, pressure, rejection, and VERY conditional love and acceptance.  All of the above-mentioned abuses have at least one thing in common: they were inflicted using the bible.  The ICOC doesn't use the word "bible". They say the "Word of God" or "God's Word".  As we will see, this word choice is significant in the abuse. One thing being in a cult like the ICOC is the power of language. Language or vocabulary used in cults are loaded weapons.... The bible is the ICOC's ultimate weapon of choice.  The ICOC is a Christian fundamentalist church cult. Christian fundamentalists use the bible literally . The bible is a historical book to fundamentalists. The bible is magic to them. It is, according to them, literally writ...

  This video right here...... THIS guy.....THIS message.... Gag reflex activated. Hear me out on this one before casting judgment. This guy in the video has no arms....and no legs. Sad, isn't it? Very sad.  But he is a pawn. A pawn for who? you may be wondering.  Where am I going with this? Well, remember to hear me out before casting stones. This man with no arms and no legs is a poster child for "toxic positivity".  And the church is using him as a brand ambassador for this toxic positivity message.  This is not an indictment on the man. It is an indictment on modern-day Christianity.  If you are unfamiliar with the term, "toxic positivity", I encourage you to look further into it.  Toxic positivity is when positive thinking becomes toxic. It is a worldview and cultural mindset that idealizes "good vibes only".  Toxic positivity is the core philosophy behind the law of attraction, new age "love and light" practices.....and of course, the mo...

Gaslighting is all the craze these days. It is used everywhere it seems. Unfortunately, many people are still uneducated on what gaslighting is. As overused as the word is, I think some people are misusing it. Others don't recognize it when it's happening to them.  This article is for the latter. The thing with gaslighting is that by sheer nature of the term, it leads to being misunderstood. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where the other person says, does, or implies things in a way that makes you think you're crazy.  When you're being gaslighted, it's hard to tell because gaslighting makes you think that it's all in your head. You internalize the abuse or mistreatment as something that isn't actually happening rather than recognizing the source of the abuse.  I am of the opinion that in many situations, people aren't saying to themselves, "I'm going to gaslight him/her" right now. Gaslighting often comes in the form of defensiveness...

  "Bitter" is a loaded word in christian circles. Even outside of religion, "good vibes only" communities also are "bitter-phobic". Many people act as if being bitter is the end of the world.  Well, I've got some great news for ya... Bitter is not the end of the world. In our society, however, "Bitter" is the scarlet letter. It is the ultimate shaming tactic. It is the most potent character assassination.  Some people talk about "moving on" from trauma and abuse. This "be better not bitter" mentality comes across as self-empowerment, but it has a dark side. This mentality can also be a cover for self-righteousness or gaslighting. Calling someone "bitter" is so lethally weaponized that people level it at others to neutralize them, to shut them down.  Bitter is weaponized against others. People call you bitter to shame you and silence you. It's time to tackle the whole concept of being so-called bitter. I'...

 

A person who shall remain nameless contacted me on social media recently to complain about a cult recovery support group we are both members of. This person used subtle language and "written dog whistles" to see if I would bite. The idea, I surmised, was to get me to commiserate with them about the group.  As a veteran in this cult-survivor, spiritual journey thing, I knew exactly what was happening. This person isn't new. I've met my share of this kind of person before. And I must admit, this is one of my least favorite kinds of people.  This was the type of individual who complains about a "lack of progress" in support group settings. This kind of person joins the private Facebook group, subscribes to the You Tube Channel or even goes as far as to pay for membership on a platform like Patreon.  But this type is one who feels superior to the group. They see themselves as "progressive". They label others as being "stuck" and whine about p...